Gopala

Cutie patootie

2008-10-10T10:15:00.002-04:00

Molly at the beach

2008-10-10T10:13:00.001-04:00

Max and Molly in Central Park

2008-10-10T09:43:00.002-04:00

Molly turns 8 months on Tuesday

2007-11-12T00:32:00.000-04:00

One month anniversary

2007-08-11T22:53:00.001-04:00

As I was putting Molly down to sleep this evening, I realized that we picked her up in Thai Nguyen exactly one month ago today.

It feels like we've had her forever, in some ways, and in others we are still trying to find balance in that ever sensitive mobile known as our family. The mobile as a trio was bound to change balance with the addition of another person. Change is inevitable and still it takes some getting used to.

So it seems especially for Max. He was a rockstar the entire time we were abroad and now that we are home, on his highness' TERRITORY, the "I'm so Excited to Have a Sister" song has changed to "I'm not really so sure anymore." Who is this baby and why do people ogle over her when all she does is lay there like a lump?

He is certainly acting out in all sorts of ways to get our attention and we are told this is perfectly normal. Just to be patient and ride it out. Give it 3 to 4 weeks and hopefully our mobile will have regained some sense of composure and balance.

But the minutes go by like hours. Poop on the bedroom wall once (which Max emphatically denies - first he blamed it on Tom and then the cat), the baby's monitor in the trash, being a little rough with the baby always with one doubtful eye cast up at me or Tom when he's doing it, being noisy when we ask him to be quiet and overall regressing to a baby has taken a great deal of patience from a parent's perspective. I wish I were as balanced, sane and wise as the Buddha so that I could hold Max's confusion and pain without reacting or getting impatient. But I'm not the Buddha. I'm a 42 year old mother doing the best I humanly can with aspirations of being all-loving and patient.

My summer reading list now includes "Siblings without Rivalry" and "How to Talk so kids will listen and how to listen so kids will talk" not to mention countless articles on the sibling topic. While searching for guidance on how to deal with this natural bump in the road, I've also found that the wound from my childhood experience (aka being dethroned and not particularly well) has re-opened. Fun stuff, huh?

I know Max will grow through this phase. Tom and I are trying to be exceedingly patient (perhaps too lenient?) and validate how he is and always will be very special to us. I'm trying to encourage his engineer-like, detailed mind to learn how to express his feelings. Not an easy thing for any of us to do and particularly when your world has been rocked upside down in the course of one afternoon outing. Of course it boggles my mind how the light of my life could even doubt his position in the world but he's been thrown a curve ball he didn't see coming.

The silver lining, I hope, is that we are learning new skills to promote self-expression in healthy ways, learning words and ways to communicate our feelings and re-learning that we are loved. All excellent skills to have and if I have given Max any tools for the-rest-of-his-life toolbox, I hope these are among the most important and serve him forever.

In all fairness, i can really see Max trying to do the right thing. Yesterday, he gave Molly a bottle and he takes great pride in showing off to others that he can hold his big sister all by himself. Tonite, he insisted on helping prepare her bottle and says he can carry her which is something we haven't let him do. Whenever he hears her cry, he says "Mommy, you better go get that baby" and occasinally I overhear him calling her various terms of endearment including sweet pea and little bug.

He also has adopted "Mia" (named after one of Molly's cribmates from the orphanage who we got to know well). Mia was given to him about two years ago and he has basically ignored this Asian doll made by Corelle ever since. Until just a few days ago when he rediscovered her in Molly's room. Since then, he walks around with her, feeding her, burping her and thanks to Gaga, he now has a stroller to push her around in. I was very hopeful that Mia might help with the adjustment period but then I think I've had to feed Mia more than he has (per his orders) and a recent influx of presents (all airplanes!!!) has distracted him from his own baby.

The good news is Molly is a dream baby. She's just great. Like, knock on wood, so far so good. She is a happy, adventurous and social little girl who loves to smile, giggle and blow raspberries. Oddly enough, she also really responds to age appropriate learning toys, loving their bright colors and silly noises. After a month of living with this precious little girl, Tom and I seem more convinced than ever that life in the orphanage was like living in a sensory deprivation tank for the first four months of her life - at best. She likes being held, she doesn't mind by whom, but she still doesn't like sitting in a car seat. (Not that I could blame her.) She has a very sweet disposition and tolerates Max's fumbling attempts at affection surprisingly well. She's a great eater (do not get in between her and her bottle at feeding time!) and being hungry is one of the few times she cries. I am in awe that she is so good at self-soothing and I can put her in her crib at naptime or bedtime and she puts herself to sleep. I love her so much and the fact that I really have a daughter, after so many years of wanting, wanting, still hasn't fully resonated in my pea brain.

What else is new? I miss our adventure. I miss the excitement of being abroad and the unexpected juiciness of each new day. I miss our new friends, who we bonded with in a super life changing event. I miss making new friends. I miss Cambodia. I miss the Grand Hotel D'Angkor in Siem Reap and I miss fresh spring rolls in Vietnam. I miss writing in my blog.

I do not miss the mildewy smelly towels at the Melia Hotel nor do I miss the oppressive heat. People kept asking me this past week - while we've been in the midst of a record-breaking heatwave - if it was this hot in Vietnam. They're surprised when I say hotter. I don't miss the pollution or crazy traffic in Hanoi but I do wish I had walked around Hoan Keim Lake more often than I did. I still have so much I want to write for future adoptive parents in Vietnam as the blogs and yahoo groups that precede me were so helpful. I felt like I had a clue of what was happening during our time in Vietnam while others, who didn't read blogs or join yahoo groups for families adopting from Vietnam, seemed basically clueless and as a result, extremely anxious. As time permits, I will try to update the blog with that information. But getting quiet, personal time to write seems to be a low priority these days.

Life is good. We are blessed. We leave for Fishers Island for two weeks which is a wonderful bonus b/c we weren't sure we were going to be able to get up there this year. My family of origin is celebrating a family reunion this week. We've got much to celebrate - my brother's engagement and two new babies to welcome into the family tree. It's late and soon Molly will be wanting her midnight snack so I will write more later.

Rabbit, rabbit

2007-08-01T08:32:00.001-04:00

Happy August!

We've been home five days (four nights) and we are slowly starting to morph into the timezone we once knew here. We've given ourselves lots of space and little obligations this week so that we could gently ease into life at home as a quartet. I feel so lucky that we can do that! That neither Tom or I have to rush off to work this week but can just have this space to to move into this new and exciting chapter of our lives.

Picking up Molly in Hanoi in July was blistering hot and humid like this Eastern Shore girl has never seen before BUT it was divine timing. We basically have the summer off from work and school responsibilities so it was perfectly timed. Molly is swinging in her swing (thanks Jack for the loan!), sucking her thumb, waking up every few minutes to smile at me and then go back to her cat nap. It just occurred to me that it's almost like shes's always been here and I have distant memories of what it was like when we were a trio.

We've been waiting for her for a long time and I will say that we all agree, hands down, that she was worth the wait. And, as you will often here in adoption circles, she is just the baby who is supposed to be in our lives. There are times in the adoption process that I wanted a baby so bad and RIGHT NOW. But, like with Max, if that had happened that way, well then we wouldn't have Molly. It works just as it is supposed to work, whether we understand it or not.

So, by and large, it's nice to be home. Max got up at 3:30 in the morning the first two nights home to play with his toys. He was so happy to be re-united with his "things." I had woken up at 5:30 a.m. to find all the lights on downstairs and he was on the sunporch happily playing with his cars and planes. "I didn't want to wake you up, Mommy," he said, eating his second package of peanut butter crackers. "I wanted to let you and Daddy sleep."

He seems to be finding his independence since we've returned. He does more things that he can do for himself and it's nice to see him growing up. Maybe he was this way before we left and I only notice it more now with Molly because we have to do everything for her. While I'm excited Max is more independent and ultimately what every parent wishes for their children, I also have a tad bit of grief. What do you mean he thinks he can walk out to the garden by himself to pick tomatoes? Can he really do that without me? Isn't he going to need me forever? What about all of the cuddles and hugs that nourish me as much as him? What will happen to them?

I know I'm just rambling. As if this entire blog hasn't been one long ramble. There's so much that I've wanted to write and say, to document for me and my family as well as to inform my fellow adoptive parents who are soon on their way to Vietnam themselves. If you're an adoptive parent and have any questions, feel free to email me because there's no guarantee that I'm going to have time to address all that I want to say. Plus, some discussions are better left privately.

It's wonderful to be in our home. Our friend Dawn did a great job housesitting and in the course of her spiritual work, infused our home with great energy. We were bummed to come home Saturday afternoon to find the second floor air-conditioning system broken but an emergency call to our repairman had it fixed by Monday afternoon. In the meantime, we played "Hotel" all sleeping together in Molly's room, thanks to a window unit lent to us by our neighbors.

My garden has survived the summer drought and my absence though there were a few casualties. The stewartia pseudocamelia and the chionanthus virginicus both took it hard, so hard that they are both dead. But they were new installations that needed a lot of TLC which I didn't have to offer while we were gone.

As for the stacks of mail, we have yet to attack them. I have sorted through the trash mail and popped those pieces in the recycling bin. Catalogs, magazines, bills, and general correspondence are all in neat piles though I have yet to open them. That's a fun project for later today.

The truth is in this weary jetlag phase, I'm not sure where I really am or where I really want to be. My body is most definitely here in Tunis Mills but my mind is mostly still in Vietnam. I long for fresh spring rolls - I ate them nearly every day - and fresh mango juice. All the shopping I did in Hanoi seems to look like nothing short of a small anthill when spread out on my office floor. And here I thought I had gotten so much. I thought I finished my Christmas shopping for the year but not so. I could have done so much more! I miss the unbelievable plethora of dining options in Hanoi. From Vietnamese, western, French, Italian, Indian, Chinese, Thai, Japanese, Korean. You name it, they had it. I miss the busyness and commotion on the streets. Indeed, it was annoying walking down the street in Hanoi because there were so many people, some rushing, some sitting on plastic stools enjoying tea, some leaning against motorbikes slurping on ice creams, others plying fresh produce, stinky fish and cheap flowers. Yet, as bothersome as it was - especially with a stroller! - life was happening right there on the streets. The Vietnamese live outside. It all hangs out. They eat, drink, nap, work, play checkers, smoke waterpipes, sell cigarettes individually, all right there on the street.

Back here in small town life USA, no one is on the streets except the occasional passerby. It's rather lonely and ghostly. Where is everyone? How come people here don't interact as intimately as over there? Everyone drives so safely and politely here. (I'm not complaining at all about that!) It's just a different rhythm to get used to where in Vietnam it was every man for himself on his bike, cyclo, motorbike, car or bus. It was the first thing Max noticed when we left Dulles airport. The roads are so much bigger and calmer. No one is pulling hysteronic feats of foolishness to overtake another vehicle. No horns blaring, simply to announce one's presence.

I'm not saying one place is better than another. They both have their merits and both have their pitfalls. What I suppose I'm trying to say is that there's a big gear change in the pace of life we were just living to the one we are now in. I suppose it's also culture shock, a sensation I've only ever experienced on the re-entry leg of my travels.

I leave Vietnam with the precioius, gentle daughter of my dreams. I leave having shared such an intimate and unbelievable experience with my husband and my son, both of whom I love more than ever for sharing this journey with me. Sharing it with enthusiasm, flexibility and curiosity. I leave knowing we will back. Yes, we will go back to Asia again to let our children visit the countries of their birth, their respective homelands. But, in all truth, we will go back because we passionately lust to explore more of Asia and want to see and do more. Burma, Laos and Bhutan are high on our lists.

And of course, Cambodia calls us both. As I told my Mom the other day, if I were at a different place in my life right now and a different time (i.e. not a parent of an infant and a toddler), I wouldn't have come home just yet. I would have stayed in Cambodia and just plopped right into the beautiful wave of humanitarian helping and philanthropy for a people who so desperately need it, deserve it and want it.

Here's to another day of fuzzy-headedness floating in a surreality. A little more cocculus (great homeopathic remedy for jet lag!) and time and we'll be good to go in no time. Tom's really itching to go. He's got Police tix for the Madison Square Garden show on Friday night... Not sure I'm up for the four hour jaunt to New York just yet. Sting can wait, in my books, but the doors of Bonpoint, Bergdorfs and Best & Co. are calling........ Afterall, I do have a little girl to shop for now!

Home Sweet Home

2007-07-29T20:33:00.000-04:00

According to my calculations, and I never was very good at math, it took us 35 hours door to door from Hanoi back home to Easton, Maryland.

Now that does include all the time we were in motion, whether flying or not. I'm so knackered I can hardly right but just want to let my faithful readers know that we made it home safe and sound.

I cannot recommend Thai Airways more highly. They are a fantastic airline and have picked up on service where the Americans left off decades ago. The 17-hour flight from Bangkok to JFK is nothing short of long but it was very comfortable as we were sitting in premium economy (a compromise b/w economy and business class) AND a baby bassinet which is a must for all travelers who are waiting to go to Vietnam.

First off, with the baby bassinet, the baby has a place to sleep (and sleep they do!) and you don't have to hold the baby for the entire flight. I mean there's bonding and then there's BONDING. Also, b/c the bassient has to attach to the wall, you get seats in the bulkhead which is always a wee bit spacier.

The kids were excellent for the traveling part. Max had a meltdown here or there but I had my own share of them as well so who could blame him? Both he and Mols fell asleep from Hanoi to Bangkok. Too bad for Max because when we arrived in Bangkok, there were huge airplanes all around us on the tarmac - a scene he would have loved but there was no waking that boy up. (Did I tell you that the Vietnamese always called Max "boy"? and then cup him affectionately on the face?)

Molly did wake up though and was ready to party during our 2 hour lay-over. Soon after boarding the flight bound for JFK, we all fell asleep (it was 12:40 a.m.) except for Max who watched "Meet the Robinsons" on his own private screen. I think he stayed up til 4. But then he slept.

Lots of food being served and lots of cheap cat naps. The air hostesses kept the cabins dark except for during meals which was kind of weird. And once again I was thrilled we were flying through the Arctic Circle. Over China, Siberia, the North Pole and then Canada. I loved lookng at the polar ice caps from 36,000 feet above.

Our flight arrived on time and had a wonderful touch down. I was psyched because for the first time in years I didn't take any medicine to fly. No fear, no panic attacks, not even anxiety. I think it is b/c I'm so focused on the kids I don't have time to indulge in my emotional stuff.

We breezed through immigration and customs which kind of surprised me because we were importing an "alien" as our government likes to term our adopted babies. Do your think they could come up with a kinder word?
Then we had a 3 hour wait to Dulles. We were tempted to rent a car and just drive home. It would have taken the same amount of time but as it turned out, it would have been quicker.

After boarding the oversold flight, we were told the plane couldn't not take off for another hour b/c there were 35 planes in front of us on the runway. Here we were so close to home and time seemed to slow slower than a snail's pace. Both kids were crying on the plane during the wait and I was half expecting to be evicted at some point but we never were.

Alas, the plane got going and we flew the 40 minute flight to Dulles quite uneventfully. We were met by Tom's Mom and step father who drove all the way over from Easton to pick up. It was so wonderful to be met at the airport by someone we loved and wanted to see. Remember in the old days when people used to meet you at the airport?: Those days are so gone.

Anyway, the closer we got to home the longer it seeemd to take to get there. We did finally make it, after Tom's 85 year old step-father gave Molly a tour of the most important monuments in Washington, D.C. A big deal for a little girl on her first day in America! Rather approrpriate though.

My brain wants to keep writing but my eyes keep closing so I've got to sign off now. More later. And it's so darned nice to be home. I didn't realize how much I missed it til we got home.

Leaving on a Jet Plane

2007-07-27T05:57:00.000-04:00

Good news!

Two enormous pieces of the puzzle to return home came together this afternoon. Molly got a thumbs up to fly around 2 p.m. from our favorite doctor. Her lungs are still crackling a wee bit but sound so much better than yesterday. We've got an inhaler/puffer for her during the flight and Actifed to keep her comfortable.

And then after days of being on the wait list, we got three seats confirmed this afternoon to fly out tonight. We're not all sitting together, at the moment, but I'm hoping someone will take pity on us and let our happy family fly together. We're grateful to be flying out tonight because it doesn't like we'd get seats again til Tuesday. I am glad we can all rise to the occasion to be spontaneous. You've never seen two people organize the troops and pack so quickly.

So a very quick farewell to Hanoi. I need to hop in the shower before we embark on our 30 hour journey home. I'm just hoping that someone will be on the other end to pick us up when we get to Washington.

We're sad to leave our new friends here who haven't heard from the embassy yet. Meeting them has been an unanticipated bonus of this whole experience. We've vowed to stay in touch so that our babies can be in contact over the years, having shared similar stories and possibly even the same crib. These little infants are as close to family as they've ever known.

To all of you who prayed for Molly, thanks! She's definitely on the mend and we can't wait for you to meet her.

The oddest thing I saw today: Some dude on a motorbike carry five globes in big boxes tied together with twine. He has the whole world in his hands.

My favorite absurd observation of the day: The stratospheres of wealth in Vietnam are enormous and go from the tippy top to the bottom. There's something for everyone and the Vietnamese are very industrious people. Take, for example, the guy on the street corner who fixes flat tires. One could easily walk by him and think "oh, he's just napping on the sidewalk." But really, if someone on a bicycle needs to get a flat tire fixed or a few bursts of air inflated in their tire for good measure, this is the man to see. You will recognize him because he has an old-fashioned bicycle pump and a dirty plastic dish of water (to find out where the leaks are.) I wonder if AAA covers his services.

Tom's yelling at me from the other room to get moving. Max needs to get dressed and we have to wake Molly up.
May our travels be blessed with safety and ease.

More later.

Max and the vintage Citroens

2007-07-26T01:15:00.000-04:00

Molly and Mommy

2007-07-26T01:12:00.000-04:00

Molly and her friend Mia

2007-07-26T00:43:00.000-04:00

Waiting in limbo again

2007-07-26T00:02:00.000-04:00

Checking in to say that it looks like our departure is on hold yet again. This time it's not the embassy or any other paperwork chasing but something completely unanticipated.

Our precious Molly has just been diagnosed with broncheolitis which is certainly something we don't want to fly with. When I took her to the SOS clinic yesterday afternoon (our fourth visit in two weeks) her breathing was so raspy, shallow and wheezy. I was afraid at first that perhaps I was over-reacting and didn't really need to go to the clinic but with the impending flight, I really wanted someone to listen to her lungs.

I'm glad I listened to my intuition.

So from an ear infection, she's also had bronchitis and now broncheolitis. Some of the other kids have been diagnosed with the same and it's so sad. It's like they already haven't been through enough in their short lives. Let's throw on a few respiratory illnesses to make things worse.

I was hoping that by now though she would be well on the mend, not getting worse. She's been on anti-biotics since we picked her up. I suppose if there is a silver lining, we're at least somewhat comforted knowing that she's getting the best possible medical care she can be getting in Vietnam rather than suffering listlessly in the orphanage which has proved to be nothing short of a breeding ground for infectious germs.

The doctor, a very handsome German with a ponytail and a gentle way with children, wants to see us again today to see where she is. As far as our flight home tomorrow, he said it's TBA. And of course we will honor whatever he says. He sent me home with a nebulizer and an assortment of medicines and steroids to put in the nebulizer.

I've never done a nebulizer before and I admit that some of the instructions conveyed by the Vietnamese male nurse got Lost in Translation. Like, does anyone know if it's okay to nebulize the kids when they're sleeping?

So, we're on hold again. One step forward, several steps back. We went to the embassy yesterday before the doctor's and applied for Molly's visa. Barring any unforeseen problems, we should have Molly's visa in hand this evening. And now we wait for the doctor's okay.

We're all going stir crazy. The suite gets smaller and smaller every day and despite that, I think we've all done a great job rallying under the circumstances. The great irony is that our family and one other family have been the only two approved to move forward in the visa application. The other five families haven't heard a peep from the embassy and they're getting really itchy and antsy. My heart goes out to them because the not knowing how long our sentence is, is perhaps the toughest part. And here we nearly have our get out of jail card and probably aren't going anywhere til Mols is on the mend.

Please, please include Molly in your prayers. Send her any healing, reiki energy that you can muster. Or as we Quakers say, please hold her in the light. We know she's going to pull through this and we just want to get her home on American turf as soon as possible. I miss our pediatrician and trying to read medicine instructions in Arabic or French is trying. Amen for the American standard of health. There's nothing like it anywhere else.

Chocolate buffet at the Metropole

2007-07-25T23:52:00.000-04:00

We're coming home!

2007-07-24T12:06:00.000-04:00

Yippee!! Hooray! We got the phone call we've all been waiting for this afternoon. Martin called to say that we got approval from the US Embassy to apply for Molly's visa so that we can fly home.

That means our paperwork was processed in 6 business days at the embassy. Some families have also heard the good word while others still wait. While we're excited to be among the first to get approved, our hearts are with our friends who haven't gotten word yet. Since we've been here, we've formed a family of sorts, all rooting for one and other and walking the same path. So it only seems right that they would hear at the same time as us. But they haven't and so it is.

Next step is tomorrow we head to the U.S. Embassy again to apply for Molly's visa. With the $380 cash in hand, we will go en famille to the embassy for what will hopefully be out last visit. We've already got Molly's passport (well, actually World Child does - they've kept all of our pertinent paperwork) and the general turnaround time for visa applications is 24 hours.

If our travel agent is able to work wonders, our hope is to fly home Friday. I guess that would mean we arrive on Saturday around noon at Dulles. Crazy, huh? Here we've been sitting waiting, waiting, waiting and all of sudden, spring into action. It's such a relief to literally be almost home. We could try to push things and fly on Thursday night but it would mean checking out of our hotel, rushing to the embassy to get the visa and then racing to the airport to hop on the flight to Bangkok.

It would be a big stressor and traveling with two children, we've decided to just relax and go the following day. Our loose schedule is definitely an asset in the travel planning. Some people have to return on certain days. I must say it is an immensely huge relief to see the end in sight. Not knowing when while waiting can be so difficult. At least waiting and knowing when the waiting will end is more palatable.

Also, it would allow Molly one more day to get better. I can't remember if I wrote it or not but the poor thing has bronchitis and ear infections now. She had a tough day today - lots of crying and not wanting to be put down and frankly, if I had what she has, I'd feel the same way. She's on all sorts of meds and hopefully will be on the mend in the next day or two. I'm trying different remedies too but haven't found one yet that makes the shift I'm looking for.

It's time to come home and we are really ready. Max is starting to escape from the hotel room again and is becoming very fresh with us. I think it will do him and us good for him to be on his home turf again. He has the staff at the Melia wrapped around his fingers and he's actually figured out a wonderful thing. He knows where the hotel's internal florist is and, with babysitter in hand, charms his way into the florist's and gets free flowers! So, our room (1920, Karrie, just like you!) is full of flowers at all times. Tonight he came home with a dozen yellow roses. I complain not.

So Max and the Melia. He has become quite mischevious and knows his way around this enormous hotel. (It holds the biggest ballroom in Vietnam!) When we go to the elevator (we're on the 19th floor) he always pushed the up and down buttons now, regardless of what floor we are going to. Once in the elevator, rather than pushing "G" for the ground floor, he pushed Level One, knowing that he is guaranteed an escalator ride down to "G" from the first floor. In the restaurant, our little tyrant general has all the waitresses humming around him. He asks them for whatever he wants from the sumptuous breakfast buffet and they give it to him - without asking me or Tom first. This child has pigged out on desserts and chocolate rice krispies. Hence, the aforementioned freshness. With the insouicance of Eloise at the Plaza, he orders the hotel staff to go away when they knock on our door and tells his babysitters how to entertain him. Sometimes I think he thinks he's in charge of our household. His charm is waning though and he is close to having us all evicted.

Max's excitement of being a big brother has waned as well. The honeymoon isn't quite over but he has definintely focused more interest in the bridges outside our window than his sister. He does love her, likes to help feed her and wants to tell me how to administer her medicines. She follows him everywhere with her eyes and adores him.

It's hard to believe Molly has been with us now for two weeks. It feels like she's been with us forever as we slowly make the adjustment from being a trio to a quartet. She is sleeping a little less during the day and enjoys playtime, cooing at us and giving us big gummy smiles.

There's still so much I want to write and say about Hanoi and our time in Vietnam but it's 11:30 p.m. and I'm pooped again. I forgot how tiring it is waking up in the middle of the night for feedings. At least Molly only does one or two of them. We're lucky.

Tom got tix for the soccer game tomorrow night here in Hanoi. Japan versus Saudi Arabia in the Asian Cup. He's going with two other Dad's he's befriended for a guy's night out.

We got a babysitter tonight and went out for a superb meal. Before I describe that though, I must write about Miss Van who has babysat for both kids several times now. She is quite stern but very loving at the same time. She coddles Molly almost the whole time and manages to engage Max as well. She's the one who takes him on walkabouts around the hotel and how he learns about the bowels of the Melia hidden from nearly all guests. Van is immensely competent (she has two kids of her own) and, like many Vietnamese, has no problem telling me what I should be doing better to raise my kids.

First off, I need to make the room warmer for Molly's cold and tonight she told me I need to not only put socks on Molly's feet at night (which I already do if all the footy pjs are dirty) but I need to also put socks on her hands to keep her warm. She says these things to me as if I'm not fit to be a mother. I can't tell you how many times Vietnamese woman have told me what to do for my children. They've very outspoken and don't hesitate to tell you exactly what they think is right for you. At first it was a sort of endearing cultural habit. Now it's just annoying.

Anyway, back to dinner. We went to a wonderful restaurant called Wild Lotus. The ambience was hipper and cooler than Tao in New York, more intimate as well. Stepping off the sidewalk into the restaurant's compound is like walking from a chaotic world into a zone of serenity and calm. The decor is so "yoga hip" and cool. Candles lighting every step on the way up to the restaurant, water trickling in fountains and awesome statues of the Buddha abound.

What was really nice, especially in contrast to our visit to uber-hip Verticale, was that the restaurant was mainly full of Vietnamese people. At Verticale, we were one three tables there - all foreigners or expats. Tongiht, at Wild Lotus, the food was insanely delicious and we braved dishes we never tried before. This is meant to be an upscale Vietnamese restaurant serving modern fare based on timeless ingredients and infusions. I've heard good things about the restaurant and also wanted to go because our dear friend Sean has a yoga studio in New Orleans called Wild Lotus. Or, in Vietnamese, it's Da Lien. Thought I'd get him a tee shirt but they don't do that sort of thing here.

First off, I had spring rolls. They were, without a doubt, the best spring rolls I've tried in Viet Nam. And I might add, I've become quite the spring roll connoisseur since arriving in Hanoi. I like them because they are refreshing, low fat and fresh. Tonight they were filled with shrimp, mango and mint leaves. So delicious, so light. Yum! And Wild Lotus is not stingy with the servings. Tom had spicy pumpkin soup which had swirls of grated ginger on top. Then he had shredded duck wrapped in rice pancakes and served with a spicy plum sauce. I tried one and agreed that they were very tasty, fresh and light.

After that, we enjoyed trying sauteed pumpkins buds and garlic. The pumpkin buds are pumpkin greens - very mild and tasty and the light sprinkling of crushed garlic added to their taste. Much milder than spinach or beet greens and tastier than kale. We had ordered sauteed morning glories in garlic but they were out of season. We also had grilled shrimp on skewers that was dipped in a dish with freshly sliced chilis and salt soaked in lemon juice. And of course, there was the omnipresent bowl of rice.

We were disappointed in nothing, save for the fact that we didn't have any room leftover for dessert. It was truly a fabulous meal and fairly priced. $38 for the two of us! Same as the boring old buffet here at the Melia, even with the $1 cab ride included. It's refreshing to have grown up time with Tom. It's been nice we've been able to get away a few times to do just that. We figure it's one of the best things we can give our kids is a happy marriage. Happy parents mean happy children.

I can't wait to get home to the Eastern Shore of Maryland where my sister Suzy tells me the tomatoes are just starting to come in and she's already eating local peaches. My mother-in-law says she has been having steamed corn every night and if you're from the Eastern Shore, you know there is no finer corn on this planet.

Absurd observation made today:
I've been wondering why many taxi drivers dash around town with pineapples in the cars. They're kept in between the two front seats in the cup holders. It finally occurred to me that they are air fresheners. So long silly scented pine tree freshener. Just get a pineapple. Smells better.

House Arrest

2007-07-23T11:55:00.000-04:00

Max and Molly

2007-07-23T11:53:00.000-04:00

Tom and Max swimming in the Gulf of Tonkin

2007-07-23T11:52:00.001-04:00

The scary snack lady

2007-07-23T11:50:00.000-04:00

Boat gypsies

2007-07-23T11:49:00.001-04:00

Family portrait on the Emeraude

2007-07-23T11:48:00.001-04:00

Photos of our trip to Ha Long Bay

2007-07-23T11:44:00.001-04:00

Ha Long Bay and back

2007-07-23T11:20:00.000-04:00

We just returned yesterday afternoon from a glorious overnight aboard the Emerauda, a replica of a 1920s paddle wheel boat. Apparently, during that time there was a fleet of such boats cruising around the bay.

Now there is only one and we are so grateful to have spent an overnight on it. We left Hanoi at 8:30 a.m. Saturday morning and embarked on a hair-raising crazy 3-hour journey east to Ha Long Bay. The driver spoke not a word of English - didn't even try - and drove like a kamikaze on a bad, bad acid trip. It was like being the focus of a driving video game with God at the controls. It was by his grace that we are still alive today because the number of times my stomach was in my mouth were too many to count.

Oncoming buses, passing motorbikes, water buffalo, people on the side of the road selling pineapples and baguettes, overtaking tourist buses - the list goes on. They all drive like mad. Last one there is a rotten egg, type of thing. Doesn't matter if you die along the way or crash. Having our babies onboard didn't help matters either! No seatbelts, no car seats. Just us and the road.

Anyway, three hours later, we barely arrived alive at the dock to board the Emeraude with just a few minutes to spare. Did I mention we were late because the driver got lost?

From the moment we stepped foot on the pier, we knew we were in for a treat. Oh, and when I say we, I mean our nuclear family plus our new friends the Shaws and their daughter Mia and our new friend Clay who traveled solo for the adventure. (We're all a part of the same adopting families.)

When we boarded the beautiful boat, the head purser asked us if we wanted to upgrate to a suite at a price we couldn't afford to decline. "More room, more room for your family," she promised. Traveling in a quarter, I'm always happy to opt for more space. So up to the Emeraude Suite we went. Our bags quickly followed as did a small baby crib for Molly that would have been outlawed in the states 50 years ago. It was all rather plush if I do say so myself. The linens had a high thread count and were clean and the a/c was cranked up nice and cold. I particularly loved the replicas of the old postcards of Ha Long Bay 100 years ago. Very French colonial. C'est tres Indochine.

Speaking of French, I got to use my French quite a bit which is always wonderful even though it's rustier than ever. There were a lot of French people onboard as well as Spanish and Japanese. We were among the few Americans which I always like. I get so bored with the U.S. centric view point of the world.

After we got somewhat settled into our cabin, we went down to the first deck to have participate in a sumptuous lunch buffet. I chowed on the fresh spring rolls, among other yummy things. The Vietnamese are hugely into seafood and the funkier the better. Squid is on every menu everywhere, not to mention sea urchin, octopus, sea wolf and sea cucumbers. Within minutes of leaving our mooring near the town docks, we were crusing through some of the most amazing scenery I've ever seen in my life. Really.

Hundreds of massive island formations covered in lush green foliage made out of limestone pierce the surface of the water creating a spectacular view. I just wanted to soak it up as we gently glided though the passageways and karsts humming with insects. It didn't take Max long to befriend most of the crew, especially the captain. They compared compasses and directions on the bridge several times. After lunch, Max and Tom hiked into a cave that has recently been discovered. It's filled with all sorts of stalagmites etc. not to mention kitschy lighting within. While they did that, Molly and I napped in the cabin.

Max and Tom jumped into the Gulf of Tonkin for a before dinner dip. Tom said the water was so salty it was effortless to float. I had a massage and then it was time to eat dinner. Something upset my tummy BAD so I just went to dinner without eating. Not even a ginger ale. I could hardly move I was so weak but thankfully took a homepathy remedy and it cleared up by the next day. So much so that I enjoyed a lovely breakfast in the morning. (More squid on the menu.)

It was a wonderful excursion from Hanoi. I didn't realize how out of connection I felt with nature til we left the smoggy city. The water was mellow and kind, extremely relaxing and healing at the same time. We saw lots of tourist boats (apparently there are 200 plus) but managed to ecsape them for most of the time.

You know what. It's late and I'm falling asleep at the keyboard. I'm going to have to write more in the morning b/c I'm so pooped. More later. I love you, I love you all, especially those of you who have stayed in touch via email and the blog. Thanks! Your missives mean so much to us.

Hot Date in Hanoi

2007-07-20T11:37:00.000-04:00

Tom and I did something tonight we haven't done once since we've been on this trip.

We went out on a date. It was so wonderful to connect with my husband, who has been my constant companion and teammate since we started this trip. But I didn't realize until we were having dinner this evening, that it's the first ALONE time we've had in weeks.

We've found a wonderful babysitter at the hotel. Miss Vanh. Rather stern, speaks understandable English which is different than speaking English. Insists that Max says "please," loves Molly and also takes Max of the Melia around the hotel to secret places that most guests don't even know exist, let alone see.

This afternoon, while I was feeding Molly (who, by the way, is now sucking down 4 to 5 ounces of formula like there's no tomorrow! - big shift from the 2 ounce "sips" she was taking last week), Max and Miss Vanh went on an adventure. They returned with a huge bouquet of Gerber daisies in a rainbow sherbert assortment of colors. When I asked where he got them, Max replied "from the flower room." There are always fresh arrangements around the hotel (something I take notice of daily and photograph occasionally) and darn if Max didn't get into what would perhaps be my favorite room in the building.

After Max presented the flowers to me, he did his amusing Max "thing" by jumping up and down with excitement as he showed me the different colors of the flowers. Words could not come out of his mouth fast enough.

Anyway, back to our hot date. We went to the new trendy restaurant in town called Verticale. It's a restored 3-storey merchant house that has a spice shop on the first floor (selling cinnamon bark the size of logs we would put in our fireplaces, I kid you not!!), a restaurant on the 2nd floor and a bar on the third.

Navigating the menu was close to trying to figure out what to eat at the Inn at Easton - but even gamier and muskier if that's possible. Verticale is the brainchild of French Master Chef Didier Corlue, who was the chef at the Sofitel Metropole's "Spices" restaurant for many years before branching out on his own. So here we are at this trendy new restaurant, and the menu was almost scary. It seemed everything had squid, sea urchin, sweetbreads, duck, foie gras or other hard core funkiness in it. Hence, the fusion between French and Vietnamese cooking. Nothing was simple. Like, my Mom wouldn't be able to find anything on the menu to eat.

Mind you, just before ordering - as in committing to an actual order - and after already indulging in the little "amuse" that they gave us (mango slivers to be dipped in chili powder infused salt AND chopped up bits of scallop in a dried banana slice to be dipped in the ubiquitous fish sauce, we nearly bolted. We thought of 3 or 4 other restaurants that were known entities nearby and almost gave up the game. We could just settle up, pay for our Pellegrino and beat a hasty, albeit somewhat embarrassing, retreat. But we didn't. Even though there were more hovering waitstaff than customers, we stayed and are glad in hindsight for the culinary adventure.

After four or five attempts at trying to figure out what I could possibly eat that's low fat (talk about major Lost in Translation moments!), I ordered Red Tuna which was more like tuna on a stick. A beautiful and perfumed stick, but still a stick. The juicy chunk of grilled tuna had been pierced with a long stalk of lemongrass and served on a bed of some unidentifiable but tasty Vietnamese greens. I was also served rice, that was scented with bits of star anise, in a small clay pot that reminded me of the little dishes my sister Suzy likes to serve.

Tom ordered Beef Yin Yang. Sounds rather inocuous. Presentation was fabulous but judging by the amount of food left on his plate, it wasn't a smashing success. On a white rectangular shaped plate, there was an Australian beef tenderloin, leeks and some other kind of mystery meat. Next to that was a black plate the same size and shape which had beef satays in a little clay pot, huge flakes of dried beef and then one beef springroll on top of a shot glass of sauce to accompany it. I nearly ordered this dish and am so glad I didn't. I thought it would just be a simple steak - not an array of artsy beef interpretations. The tenderloin was a huge disappointment. Really gamey and musky funky. Like, I'm not sure it was Australian beef at all. More like water buffalo from the nearby rice paddies. And the dried beef was nothing like our Beef Jerkey in the states. These dried shreds were infused with ginger and chili powder. Sort of like eating a piece of Big Red gum - that first bite where there's a flavor infusion but the flavor here only gets stronger. It was a brave effort on Tom's part.

Dessert was really what was amazing though. Mine was probably the best dessert I've ever had, anywhere. On a plain white plate, there was a tower of perfectly ripened mango rounds layered with perfectly plump raspberries and a mint, cilantro and passion fruit sauce. To die for. That in an of itself. Then, on the other side of the plate was a scoop of citronella sorbet decorated with a huge abstract design of spun sugar. Only Vietnamese influences would come up with such a delicate and fragrant combination.

Tom had some kind of fried banana pastry - sort of like a French mille feuilles but Asian - along with a martini glass full of cubed lemon cake soaked in passion fruit sauce. Very inventive and very bold. My apologies for the long meal description but it was just so unusual that if I don't record it, I will forget about it. Hence, the daily blog.

Aside from the culinary aspects of our date, it was just really nice to connect with my husband. No kids interrupting, no phone calls, no TV, no distractions. Of course, we spent most of the time talking about the kids (as in plural which is still an awkward thing for me to say), our trip, how this adoption is so different than Max's, and how we are looking forward to heading home. It's been a long, hot slog of hotel living. My son hasn't played on green grass (or any other color for that matter) in about three weeks. I enjoy visiting cities but long term city living just isn't for this girl.

It was nice to be adults. Samantha and Tom. Enjoying a meal without passing a baby back and forth or wooing Max to eat while we're at a meal (not the endless snacking he is accustommed to at home). Adult conversation. No interruptions. It was a glorious treat and something we need to remind ourselves to do more often.

I was trying to describe to Tom why this adoption feels so different to me than our first one. There are probably a host of reasons why, obvious and not so obvious, but what strikes me the most I suppose is an analogy to buying chicken. Bear with me a moment, dear reader, as I think you will be able to relate. Adopting Max was like going to the Acme and buying boneless, skinless chicken breasts. It's easy, clean, healthy, sanitary and predictable. You don't have to touch the skin or bones. No blood. No funky cuts or weird tendons. And covered in plastic. Nice and neat. Just like greeting him for the first time at the Dulles Airport after he was escorted overseas at the tender age of four months. He was a wonderful, tidy little package.

But with Molly, it's like going to the butcher where he prepares, de-feathers and skins the chicken right in front of you. Not hidden behind walls of a grocery store. But right there - visible for the whole world to see. In a way, it's very Asian - very Third World. It's also tremendously Vietnamese in which things are very out in the open for all to see. With Molly, we really got an opportunity to see where she came from and have watched her grow like wildfire in 10 days. We're more in tune with her situation as a needy wee one - so raw without family, friends or even a foster mother. She didn't get the best medical care, love or stimulation that all children deserve. There was no plastic wrapping. No neat package all wrapped up on a shelf. Rather, this is closer to the truth, more raw and more heart tugging.

For years people would say how great Tom and I are for adopting Max. Giving him opportunities to grow and thrive that he wouldn't have had had he stayed in Korea. He didn't have a family and needed one. People make it sound so altruistic and unselfish on our parts but the truth of the matter is, it was entirely selfish. Tom and I wouldn't have had a family without Max. We wouldn't be parents. We're different pieces of a puzzle that come together to make a whole picture. One wouldn't be whole without the other.

So I've always sort of shunned those comments and confessed that we wanted children. We wanted to be parents. We're not trying to save the world or aim for zero population. I mean it's great that it's helping on a global scale but that is not the driving force behind adopting for us. For some, it is and I bow to them. And I'm glad that our actions have a positive effect and benefit others. That's great. But the driving force was we wanted to be parents.

With Molly, though, it's been different. While initially this was all about having the baby girl of my dreams (the one whom I've been shopping for for 10 years now), what I'm getting in touch with here in Vietnam is that we're also offering this kid an amazing shot at life. I'm more aware of that this round than the first time. We saw what the other alternatives are for her if she didn't get adopted and it's not pretty. Don't get me wrong, the underlying force here is again to be parents but I'm more aware of also doing something good for humanity in this adoption that I didn't feel with Max. Just different. No right or wrong way. Just a different way. Both beautiful children who we love and who loves us. Families come together in so many different ways and this is just the story of how our little family came together.

Molly has thrived since we've had her. I can't believe how much she has grown into herself in the past 10 days. Every day that passes she gets stronger, shows more muscle control, eats more, laughs more and feels more relaxed with us. I think she knows that we are hers and she is ours now. She looks to us for comfort and for getting her needs met. Except she doesn't like taking Amoxicillin which she promptly spits out. (This morning was her medical at the SOS clinic and it turns out she has an ear infection in addition to a nasty case of heat rash on her face.)

Oh dear. It's almost 11:30 p.m. and we've got an early morning tomorrow. We're making the 3 hour drive to Halong Bay where we will step aboard the Emeraude, a 1920 replica of a French paddlewheel boat, for a decadent overnight and cruise. Then back to Hanoi on Sunday. We're going with our new friends who also adopted a baby girl with our group. We've gotten very friendly with them and it's been so nice to have each other as support and touchpoints. No word yet from the embassy. We're hoping for good news on Monday. If we don't get it, we'll have to change our plane ticket return, among other things.

Here are just a few random observations I wanted to make before signing off:

Funniest thing I saw today: the toilet man. Whizzing down the grand leafy boulevard next to my taxi was a man on a motorbike carrying not one, but FIVE brand new toilets. He had four balanced behind him in a tower on the seat and then another one between his legs and the handlebar.

Most curious thing I've observed recently: It's taken several taxi rides to finally figure out why people are driving around with pineapples in their car. Instead of having a cup of coffee or similar beverage in the cup holder between seats, the Vietnamese put small, unbelievably fragrant pineapples. Air freshener, I finally realized. Forget the scented pine cardboard thingies that dangle from American rearview mirrors.

Most amusing menu misspelling today: Instead of lemon meringue pie, the downstairs restaurant was serving Lemon Merring Pie. Better than porched eggs and torst.

We are becoming itchy to leave this polluted city. While it is a colonial French gem with fabulous lakes, great restaurants, a vibrant art scene, good shopping and grand boulevards, the pollution on the streets is becoming a big issue. It's like Bangkok in the 80s and 90s. There are way more motorbikes than cars and all are fueled with a very low grade of fuel. So while petrol might be affordable for the average Vietnamese, the emissions are quickly making Hanio the most polluted city in Asia.

There's a very distinct possibility that we may be able to leave early next week. All we wait for now is approval from the embassy and a visa for Molly. We're getting there, slowly but surely. Our ticket has us set to depart on Tues. night at midnight but I have a feeling we're going to have to change it to a later date. We will be so glad to get home and look forward to the cool waters and cooler temperatures of Fishers Island in August. When we do leave though, we leave with regret for not having seen more of this wonderful country. Sapa, Hue, HCMC, and the Mekong delta are just some of the places we'd like to visit on our next trip here. That and then a dash over the border to Laos to go to Luang Prabang. And maybe, just maybe, back to Cambodia which still tugs at our heart strings.

More later. Next stop: Halong Bay

Brush with Greatness

2007-07-18T11:25:00.000-04:00

Before we went out to dinner tonight, we noticed that there was a red carpet flowing through the downstairs lobby of the hotel which Max had to run up and down. When we went outside to get a taxi, the woman who always helps us said we had to go down the street to get a taxi tonight. Usually they pull right up to the hotel entrance. But instead of the entranceway being surrounded by waiting taxis, there were numerous black official cars. Some of the only Mercedes I've seen in Vietnam.

Turns out the President of Vietnam and the President of Laos were in the hotel ballroom for dinner, celebrating several decades of good relations between the two countries. We thought nothing of it, found a taxi and asked him to take us to an Indian restaurant on Tong Don road.

After a quick dinner, we headed back to the hotel. I asked the receptionist if the presidents were still here and she said yes, and that would be coming down in about five to 10 minutes. Tom and Max headed upstairs to our room, not the least bit interested in the political greatness surrounding us. But, with my journalist's instincts piqued, I decided to stick around for a few minutes with Molly even though it's about 50 degrees hotter in the lobby than in our hotel room.

If indeed, the presidents were there, I wanted Molly to be able to see the leaders of her country. Though she may not ever remember it, at least we will have the memory etched in cyberspace for eternity. I quickly befriended one of the security guards who was more than happy, proud even, to tell me who was upstairs and all the other big VIPs who have stayed at the Melia in the past, including, he noted, Fidel Castro.

It was definitely a Lost in Translation moment because I thought he meant Fidel Castro was upstairs in that very moment. Finally we realized that no, he wasn't there but he has been here in the past. You know, a fellow Communist country.

Anyway, he kept me apprised of each and every dignatary who walked by. There were only four other people on star-alert like myself. Most of the other people in the lobby and lounge either didn't know or didn't care. There was no press in sight and not a single photographer on the scene. It was so mellow and low-keyed it was almost as if it were a non-event. Of course, all the newspapers are controlled by the government so I'm sure speeches and press releases were already on the propaganda printing press before the night even ended.

So, as it turns out, walking only several feet in front of where Molly and I were standing - pretending not to be paying attention or the slightest bit interested - we saw the Head of the Communist Party of Vietnam (who ranks higher than the president), the president and vice president of Vietnam, the President of Laos and other dignataries. Some were high ranking generals - you could tell by the lines on their face and the medals on their chest - and then they were followed by their lackies.

I COULD HAVE SHAKEN THE PRESIDENT'S HAND if I wanted to as he shook two or three hands on his way out. He sort of looked up at me out of the corner of his eye but I would have had to make a less than graceful leap onto the red carpet with Molly in my arms and it just didn't really seem that important afterall. Plus, my buddy the security guard might have lost faith in me if I had done such an uncool thing.

As I told Tom after the excitement, it was the most un-American thing I've seen in Vietnam so far. Here were the heads of state and there was hardly any security whatsoever. No secret service, no bodyguards. People have said Vietnam is an exceedingly safe country but I didn't realize how so. And to think the security guards were giving me just the information my inquiring mind wanted to know. Surely, their counterparts in the U.S. would have been way tight-lipped and indifferent.

Also in the lobby tonight we bumped into one of the Irish couples who also adopted a baby girl the same time we did from Thai Nguyen last Wednesday. I've been saying how lucky the Irish are because as soon as they get their babies passports, they can leave and go home. Unlike us Americans who have to wait an extra week or so til the US Embassy processes our paperwork. But I certainly need to amend that now because we are the more fortunate in America. The Irish have been waiting 6 years to adopt their baby. Six years. They have heaps of classes to go to and lots of bureaucratic paperwork just like us but their process takes so much longer. I didn't want to tell them that ours started in earnest in January.

They said as soon as they get back to Dublin, they will put in another application to adopt another baby but this wait will only be three years. Yipes.

What else happened today? It was a free day for us - no adoption stuff to do. Tom took Max to the War Museum where they saw all sorts of things reminding us that indeed the Vietnam War did happen. I say that because just cruising around as happy go lucky tourists, without the occasional historical museum or jail here and there, one might never know there was a war here several decades ago. People are very nice to us - even old folks smile. For as far as they are concerned, the Vietnamese won "the American War" as it's called here. We are so blessed to be naive.

This afternoon, I treated myself to a massage which was about a B- or C if I were to give it a grade. Low marks compared to Barbara Haddaway. But for $23 for an hour here at the hotel, even an okay massage is a good one. Then I got my hair washed for $7.50. The woman doing my hair massaged my head for about 20 minutes while washing my hair and then gave me a head, neck and shoulder massage before blowing my hair dry. It was all too good to be true and you can be sure I will indulge in that ritual again before we leave.

Tonight, when I was putting Max to sleep, we were talking about all sorts of things, mostly airplanes and bridges but then the subject of adoption came up, as per usual with Max, completely out of the blue. First he said it would have been a lot easier if Molly had just flown to Dulles airport like he did rather than all of us traveling to Vietnam to get her. I replied that yes, it would have been easier but then we wouldn't have gotten a taste of her country like we have been since we arrived. I told him I regretted not going to get him in Korea for the same reason but promised to take him there one day if he wanted to go.

"I would just like to meet my birthmother," he told me. I was astonished!!! "I would like for her to see how big I am now. That I'm not a baby anymore." My heart sunk. Everything I've read on adoption these days says not to couch these conversations with "Well, you know the day we adopted you was the best day of my life" or other related sentiments to make the kid feel better. While that may well be true, it puts the focus on me and not on him and his feelings. So I listened and said I understood how he was feeling. I was ready to talk more (as I always am) but then I heard him snoring softly next to me and so I took my cue and just held him.

It's sobering moments like that that catch me off guard. Yes, we have adopted some beautiful children and now we - as parents - are feeling complete because we wouldn't have had a family without them. We are so blessed to have such happy and bright little people in our lives. But there may always be a hole in their hearts, a sense of wondering about identity, possible issues with abandonment, questions about loss and why they were placed for adoption, or in Molly's case, abandoned. When I allow myself to think about what our children have lost - or more precisely - what has been taken from them, my heart cries. There are questions that may never be answered for the rest of their lives and surrendering to that existential mystery is no easy task. I know for a fact because of my own story.

So how do we, as conscientious adoptive parents wanting to do the "right" thing, balance the instinctive need to want to protect our children from any more hurt or pain AND, at the same time, be honest and give them the what little we know about the stories of their lives that they are so entitled to know? There are no easy answers and I am bound to screw up so many times along the way. What comes to me now is that the best things I can do are a) be accountable for when I make mistakes, b) do the best that I can and c) ask for guidance when needed --- always coming from a loving, spacious place in my heart. So big that I can hold my little ones with love at the same time they might be feeling pain. I also try to keep things age appropriate as I've done with Max. He always surprises me, weeks, months later, with a question that takes his story to the next level of depth and understanding. Little bits of information that can be digested over a lifetime, on his cues, rather than living in denial or waiting to have "the talk" on my terms.

Then again, talking about adoption is nothing compared to talking about war and landmines with Max. Since Cambodia, he has been thinking about landmines and has a lot of questions about what they do, how they hurt people and why. And, then after his museum visit with Tom today to the war museum, he wanted to know about why the B-52 planes on exhibit were shot down and what that meant. They are new concepts I can see his bright mind trying to digest. Heavy ones at that. And they are so hard for me to talk about because I am such a peace-nik. My skin isn't nearly thick enough to go to the war museum as it's just a part of history I don't need to know about anymore.

We are Quaker. We are pacifists. Something that has been engrained in both the McCall and Moore families. I remember riding on top of my Dad's shoulders at anti-Vietnam war marches in the late 60s, early 70s. At the time, I just repeated everything my Dad said, being the able bodied parrot that I was. But something rubbed off on me, through osmosis? conscience? heart? Maybe all of the above. But I don't like it when people fight or hurt each other. I don't agree with war in any circumstance so how do I explain to my son the facts as I know them? I've consciously been trying to hide the concepts from him for four years now but we can't escape it. I don't want him to play with toy guns or even use sticks as guns but I know if he is meant to be doing this, he will figure something out. So, I let him do his thing (which thankfully is not about guns yet or hopefully, if we're lucky, ever!) But I do tell him about how Mommy and Daddy don't like guns and how they hurt people. He's smart enough to take that in.

On a lighter note, he suggested renaming his sister this evening. "I think we should call her Gopala Molly Williams Brewster McCall." I couldn't believe he got all the names right! He hasn't given up on Gopala yet and truthfully, neither have we. We call her both Molly and Gopala as well as other terms of endearment.

Scariest thing I saw today: A family going for a ride on the family motorbike - daddy driving with young son (maybe 2? 3?) sitting on his shoulder (!) and momma holding on to husband and kid, with another smooshed in between them. No one wearing helmets. There are way more motorbikes on the roads than cars and buses but this is ridiculous. So much for the family van. So much for car seats, let alone seat belts.

Funniest thing I saw today: a woman, wearing the omnipresent conical hat, bicycling down the road with her bike covered with brown feather dusters for sale. They were hanging out of the basket in front of her, on her lap, coming out of baskets on the sides of her and behind her. In fact, she looked like a brown version of big bird on a bike. Next to her, the cyclist peddling toys and balloons cracks me up. They look like at any moment they might float into the sky.

Tomorrow's nefarious agenda includes allegedly picking up passports at the police station and we are told, one of the seven families will have their medical tomorrow but their name wasn't disclosed this evening which means everyone has to wait by their hotels. Ugh. It's hard to believe that communication here couldn't be a little bit cleaner and clearer.

Sinchow

2007-07-17T09:45:00.001-04:00

That's the Vietnamese greeting for hello. So far, Max and I have mastered sinchow and ca' mon (thank you). He keeps reminding me that it's different than Cambodian.

Today was a big day along the journey of our small adoption. We had our first interview with the U.S. Embassy regarding our application to bring Molly home with us. The entire group of us (7 families) from World Child went to the embassy at the same time this afternoon and had our appointments one right after the other.

Diaper bags, babies broken out into heat rash and nervous parents filled the waiting room at the embassy. I did a major bribe to Max who started to exhibit signs of acting up. I promised, pinkie swears, that if he behaved during the interview, I would take him in a taxi again over the Chuong Duong bridge again. (His passion for cars has been replaced with bridges...) He agreed, and true to his word, he honored our pinkie swear. He also was very patient when we went to get visa photos for the babies (again, en masse) and then again when we had a late lunch at Bobby Chinn's - a famous restaurant here in Hanoi.

Bobby Chinn's has the best macaroni and cheese we've ever tasted! I had a fabulous shrimp curry dish with coconut infused sticky rice and Tom had pad thai which, we think is the what has caused the food poisoning that he now has. (Thank you arsenicum - one of the best homeopathic remedies out there for food poisoning.) The atmosphere was fabulous. Red satiny silks draped from the ceilings as well as creamy white rose buds strung together with fishing line. In the back of the restaurant, there's a big opium den-like room where you can enjoy cancer sticks (I kid you not, that's what it says on the menu!) or enjoy fruit flavored tobaccos for $5 a pop in the water pipes in what they call a "Kenny G, Abba and Gypsy Kings-free zone." For those of us staying at the Melia Hotel, that's most amusing b/c I think we've all been brainwashed with Kenny G at breakfast and dinner in the restaurant. They play the same tunes over and over again and it's just awful! I finally asked them to change the music and they did for at least one meal. Tom interviewed the omelet maker this morning who said she hates the music.

Anyway, back to the more important part of the day. I'm not going to write much about the content of the interview or proceedings because I in no way want to jeopardize or jinx our application. Suffice it to say a very nice young woman interviewed us and the interview lasted about 15 to 20 minutes. After the interview, she reminded us of what her colleague said about processing time and added that they have a heavy caseload at the moment - our seven applications PLUS other families who are also adopting. We are all itching to get home and hope that the sooner it gets done, the better. We've all extended our hotel stays and are somewhat anxious about whether or not we need to change our plane tix too. Only time will tell and there's zero we can do about it now.

Prior to the individual family interviews, an officer spoke to us as a group to say that typically, if all goes well, it takes about 4 to 6 business days to get a recommendation from the CIS office in Ho Chi Minh City. That is, if all goes well. He went on to warn us that some cases do take longer to process (if paperwork doesn't match up etc.) and if need be, there are options if we have to stay longer in Hanoi.

If it takes longer, he explained that we could either go back to America and leave the baby with a guardian in Hanoi or possibly one parent goes home and another stays. Everyone's heart did a collective thud, each parent hoping it wouldn't be one of them, each one hoping that are paperwork is without flaws.

Little Miss Molly has grown on us so much already I couldn't imagine leaving her with anyone or leaving Hanoi without her. She's ours and we're hers. That's already been established as tomorrow marks a week of us being together. Tom and I don't even want to go there - to the "what if" place - and we're trying to stay positive though it all feels rather intimidating and way out of our control.

So, we keep our fingers crossed and our prayers sweet that the paperwork gets processed with ease and without a hitch. The good old expression Let Go and Let God comes to mind and I bow to it. Feel free to send positive energy our way! And for all the other families in the group too, some of whom we've gotten quite intimate with in the past week and hope to stay connected with in the future because our girls are crib sisters.

The next step is to pick up Molly's Vietnamese passport on Thursday from the local police station and then perhaps we will have the obligatory medical appointments either Thursday afternoon or Friday morning. Then, when the embassy approval comes, we go to the embassy again to apply for Molly's visa which usually takes a day to process and then we can come home.

Max told me tonight he was ready to come home. He's eager to see our boat? Then he asked me if I was ready to come home too and I said yes. This conversation was held at dinner in the restaurant downstairs, just me and him. Molly went to bed early and Tom is not feeling red hot and is laying in bed. So off we went on a hot date - just Mommy and Max. We had pasta with tomato sauce for the umpteenth time since we've been here. That and fresh Vietnamese spring rolls have been my staple. I've also had pho, which is perhaps the Vietnamese national dish - rice noodles in chicken broth (or beef broth for beef), and then heaps of fresh herbs including cilantro, mint and lemongrass. It's unbelievably fragrant and eaten with chopsticks. We still have yet to really dive into the Vietnamese cuisine because there are so many restaurants offering western food, especially French.

Tomorrow is a day off as far as the adoption paperwork process goes. Tom wants to see Uncle Ho's mausoleum and I want to shop, maybe even get a massage. They're so cheap here! Or maybe my hair washed and massaged, which is I think only about $5. It's still unbelievably hot. Hot like you go outside for a half an hour and come back drenched in sweat, having to change clothes for the second or third time a day. Thank goodness we found a cheaper place to do laundry. $7 a kilo and it's a block from the hotel. The only problem is they have returned some clothes that don't belong to us. And I haven't a clue what is missing from our laundry.

Molly is doing great and each day she blooms a little brighter. She looks to us like we're the center of her compass now and is surprisingly getting stronger by day! She can roll over with effort, is more adept at pulling herself on her arms for tummy time and is getting better control of her head and neck. Poor little thing has broken out into a horrible case of heat rash today. The a/c hasn't bothered her at all but the heat has, ironically. I gave her a bath tonight in calendula and hope that helps. She only seems to fuss when she is ready to go down for her nap and when she is hungry. Which, by the way, she has gone from 2 ounces in a bottle every two hours to chowing down on 5 to 6 ounces in a sitting. She's a happy little girl and has a smile to melt anyone's heart, especially ours.

Though we get 26 channels of satellite TV, only a handful are in English. BBC World News, CNN, HBO and the Disney Channel (Max has a thing for Kim Possible? I don't even know if it's age appropriate and at this point, don't really care.) Then the rest of the channels are in Thai, Japanese, Chinese, French and Vietnamese. Max was watching cartoons in French today and didn't seem to mind. Tom likes watching all the sports on TV from barefoot soccer to the Asian Cup to badminton by foot. He doesn't care. I'm not a big TV person but what I wouldn't do for some Seinfeld episodes right now...

Good Evening Vietnam

2007-07-16T10:42:00.000-04:00

It's nearly 10 p.m. and I'm pooped. Both kids are asleep and went down themselves from exhaustion tonight. Still feels weird saying kids. Someone in the elevator told me yesterday that my kids are beautiful and I had to hesitate for a moment. For four years, I've been focused on one kid and it's a bit of a brain exercise to think in the plural now.

Speaking of elevators, the male incarnation of Eloise at the Plaza (a.k.a. Max at the Melia) did a very naughty thing today. While he was on Tom's watch, he escaped from our room and decided to ride the elevator by himself to the 3rd floor and back. The good news is he came right back and didn't get off on the third floor (where the outdoor pool is among other things) or go anywhere else. He loves to push elevator buttons and if he doesn't become an engineer, he may get a job as an elevator dude though he hates wearing hats.

I'm not entirely clear yet on the story and am even less clear on how Tom managed the situation but I do know that when I came back to the room, the first thing Max volunteered to me was that he had done a very terrible thing. He told me what he did and frankly, my first reaction was to laugh as it was all in the past tense and nothing bad happened. But I restrained myself and told him not to ever do it again. We've now taken to bolting the door closed but it's a matter of time before he figures that out too.

We took Molly for her first swim today. She was very brave and thankfully the water is warmer than Betty's pool. She didn't cry or scream and just seemed to take it all in. After 15 minutes, she was even kicking her feet a wee bit. We fall deeper in love with her every day and are charmed by her big smiles and giggles.

The Vietnamese are very kid friendly and love to touch and hold babies. There doesn't seem to be any negativity whatsoever about us foreigners adopting their babies. The doctor at the SOS clinic told me that he thinks that so long as everything is above board and clean, the Vietnamese people are glad the babies are being taken care of and given new opportunities.

We signed up for an overnight cruise on Halong Bay for Saturday night, figuring that there isn't any paperwork we will need to do in Hanoi over the weekend. We are very excited to get out of the city for a wee bit and I'm hoping that it's a little cooler there. If you're interested in where we are going, check out emeraude-cruises.com.

Tomorrow is our first interview with the U.S. Embassy. I pray all of our paperwork is approved and in excellent order. Please wish us luck because we need it. With any luck, we'll be heading home sometime next week - probably in the middle of the week. While it's tempting to explore some of Vietnam - like going to Sapa, Hue and HCMC - we both realize it's time to come home. Traveling in the equatorial heat with a four year old and a 4 month old is not heaps of fun. And I know we will come back to this area again some day to show Molly her native country, as we hope to do with Max and Korea. Though I'm kind of nervous about people not being nice to him after the indifference we encountered in Cambodia.

The highlight of my day today was buying a bunch of fresh lotuses. The woman, sporting the stereotypical conical hat, was going to charge me 500 dong (just over a quarter!!!!!) but I didn't have any dong so I gave her a dollar and she was beside herself.

Outside, the streets of Hanoi are busy and noisy with lots of cheering and shouting going on. Apparently, Vietnam won another game today in the Asia Cup so there's call for lots of celebration. At first, I thought perhaps there was revolution going on but we hardly have to worry about that anymore.

Magicians, dim sum and bridges

2007-07-15T09:34:00.000-04:00

Today was a relatively quiet day. Sunday in Hanoi looks like no different than any other day to the tourist's eye except that most of the big hotels offer fabulous Sunday brunch deals.

Taking our cue from the Hanoi Guide (our bible) - written by the International Women's Club of Hanoi - we went to the Hanoi Horrison Hotel for brunch. The motivating factor was it is said to be one of the most kid friendly joints in town. And kid friendly it was.

Kids have their own buffet to eat at where they can choose from french fries, fish sticks (sort of), chicken drumsticks (wings with the meat pushed up), "hot dogs" which looked suspiciously like keilbasa to me and little sandwiches. In addition. the hotel restuarant has a magician perform at noon and a large room in the restaurant taped off just for kids and hotel provided babysitters. There was even a king sized bed for kids to jump on! Brilliant! What a great idea for our next birthday party.

Despite the Lion King playing on the video screen and the magicians balancing plastic tubs on their noses, Max opted for the video game on TV of a car racing scene. He pretty much sat glued to that the entire time, only giving up his seat to someone who had been patiently waiting next to him for some time. Max hung out with peers from all over the world, the first time in two weeks that he has been with people his own size. It's definitely the expat hang-out for folks with kids.

Meanwhile, Tom and I enjoyed the sumptuous buffet. My favorite dish these days is dim sum. We usually have it for breakfast everyday and I'm going to miss it when we head back. There was also this amazing Vietnamese salad that I would like to try to recreate: sliced cucumbers, onions, mango, pineapple, cilantro, sesame seeds and rice vinegar. It was so refreshing, especially in this dreadful heat.

Poor Little Peanut burst out into a heat rash today from being outside for less than an hour. She's never been exposed to a/c in her life til now and I think, unlike some of the other kids, she's adapted quite well.

After brunch, Tom and L.P. went back to the hotel for a nap - or so he hoped. Max and I went on an adventure to have some Mommy and Max time. No doubt our mission was the highlight of his entire trip: for all of 100,000 dong, we took a taxi cab through the city and across the Chuong Duong Bridge. The bridge, which traverses the mighty Red River, is one of two that we can see from the 19th floor of our hotel room. Its mere presence taunts Max daily. (That and the neighboring Long Bien Bridge which runs parallel to the Chuong Duong but doesn't take cars. Only pedestrians and motorbikes.) Max, who is sure to become an engineer one day, was in seventh heaven, jumping up and down in the taxi's backseat. His reaction was worth every penny of the $6 we spent.

The big news in the McCall household is that we have finally, yes, finally, decided on a name for our little princess. We are proud to introduce Molly Williams Brewster McCall. What do you think Annie? It's been a tough decision mostly because Max has been quite vociferous about Gopala. But after just recently seeing the movie "The Namesake," we just didn't have the heart to bestow a beautiful yet unusual name on our daughter. Molly was Tom's #1 choice, Williams is Joanie's maiden name and Brewster is a family name on the Moore side. So there you have it. It only took five days and then some.

Molly suits her just perfectly. She has been taking more and more formula every day which is encouraging. Still a great sleeper. She got up at 3:30 a.m., had a bottle and went back to sleep til 7:30. She's a gentle little lamb and she grows on our hearts more and more every day. From the moment we first met her, she has been a great gumless smiler but tonight, she was even giggling out loud. I thought that was quite something from a four month old. She loves tummy time and plays with one of two toys I brought for her. I don't think she's had this much stimulation her entire life.

Not to mention her big brother who still adores her. He swears she said his name yesterday but all Tom and I have heard so far is "ahhh, booo." Max is being a great sport though every now and then he's starting to push the boundaries. Nothing directed at his sister, more towards Tom and I, like when I ask him to lower his voice or be quiet when we're trying to put the baby to sleep. He automatically raises it to see what he can get away with. He hasn't had to bow to anyone in four years so why start now?

It's only 9 p.m. and we're pooped. Kimberly, congratulations on Benedict. What a great name and I'm so happy everything went well for your beautiful family. I've got a sweet girlfriend for him to play with when he's ready... Hugs to everyone. Thanks so much for your notes, blessings, advice and goodwill. We really appreciate it and hope to be home soon.

It's Saturday Night

2007-07-14T10:32:00.000-04:00

Checking in with a brief (yes brief) update. Not much to report today. Tonight was the first night I left the hotel in two days! Our little princess is feeling out of sorts and absolutely does not want to be put down. Sort of like enforced bonding. I just wish I knew what exactly was bugging her so that we could fix it and make it better.

But hey, considering what she's gone through already in her short life, holding her is the least we can do as her new and forever parents. I think she was constipated this morning and just in so much pain. But I don't know. I'm not really a doctor and she can't talk so it's sort of hard to tell. What I do know is we can offer her comfort in this adjustment period. Not only does she have the upper resp. infection and ear problems, she's going through a huge change and I think she's really grieving which is something Max didn't do. She's a sensitive little one, somewhat frail and very vulnerable - sort of like a baby kitten. And she's really growing on all of us. We even have a name for her, almost. I have to confirm with Tom first though before announcing it to the world.

We had hoped to go to Halong Bay for the weekend as we don't have to be anywhere til Tuesday but three out of four on our team are feeling out of sorts. Max has had tummy cramps and diarrhea for two days and I seem to have joined him in the pain. I think Tom was frustrated with the lot of us but ultimately understands that this is mission for baby, not a travel adventure.

I've tried to put a new spin on hotel life as we wait for paperwork to be processed. This two-week (possibly more) time period is a great opportunity for our little family to bond and cocoon without the distractions of everyday life. Also, as an at-home-mom, how can I possibly complain about not having to cook dinner, go grocery shopping, do laundry, make the bed, change sheets and scrub toilets every day? Though the towels have an omnipresent mildew smell, it's going to be a rough re-immersion back into reality. I am grateful for the support we have here and this gentle time to reconfigure the balance of our family.

I have to say being here at the Melia with other families in the same shoes has been wonderful. We've established a little pod with some of the baby's crib sisters and their parents and it's been great to share the journey and fellowship with them. We share at least one meal together a day, if not more, and share heaps of tips on where to find a cheap laundromat, ginger ale and baby formula. We're forever bonded through the tears and sweat of that intensely emotional and hot day when we drove to Thai Nguyen to get our babies. Though it was four days ago, it seems like it's been weeks.

We genuinely care about each other's babies and are rooting for all of them to get healthy and thrive. It's a natural, unforced and unplanned bonding and I'm grateful we are at this hotel where there seems to be a parade of adoptive parents cruising around with their babies strapped on their chest in Baby Bjorns. Some are just arriving, others who have been here for weeks are relieved to finally be going home and then there are those of us who are midway through the process. Our collective presence is a comfort to each other.

See - I can be brief.

Pushing pause

2007-07-13T02:13:00.000-04:00

Just a short update to check in.

We're in pause mode, again, til Tuesday afternoon. We're supposed to have our first interview with the U.S. Embassy then at 1:30. And it's Friday. So we officially have several days off. Not sure why we couldn't get it sooner - like today would have been a very efficient use of time but whatever.

There's talk of a possible trip up to Halong Bay which we would love to see. It's one of the seven wonders of the world and looks just so beautiful in photos - enormous limestone formations rising up out of emerald green waters. One is even said to resemble Charles de Gaulle's nose! We may do a day trip, an overnight on a boat or a night or two in a hotel, depending on how things reveal themselves. I'm hoping it's cooler along the coast than it is here in the city.

I'd like to wait a day to see how the baby is feeling. She seems to be on the mend but still feeling out of sorts with the upper respiratory tract infection. We're still getting to know each other and acclimate to each other's rhythm's. She is by and large a peaceful and gentle soul, blessing us with another full night's sleep again last night!! For the most part, she eats, naps and has a little playtime in between. She's teaching us her schedule quickly and as all parents know, little ones don't like breaking the predicatability of their routines.

I keep watching to see if Max's enthusiasm will shift and so far, he remains excited, interested and protective. Today he read her Caps for Sale and Ping. He got a little upset when she wouldn't look at the pictures but I explained to him that she likes hearing the story and his voice.

The big news in her life is that she took her first poop today! She hadn't pooped once since she landed in our arms two days ago so that was a relief. Talk of BM's may sound rather trivial dear reader but amongst us parents, it's a big deal. Word has it these babies tend to get constipated so happy bowels are a good thing.

Annie, I wish you were here with us! You could add some life to this rather "Lost in Translation" chapter of our lives. However, I have had so much fun meeting people from all over the world - without ever leaving our hotel. Last night, I had a wonderful conversation with a political science professor who teaches in Canada. We had a fascinating conversation about the recent history of the Indochina peninsula, noting that the Vietnam War (or The American War, as it is referred to here) could have been avoided after World War II. According to this guy, our alliance with the French prevented us from connecting with the Vietnamese at their invitation. Apparently they wanted to emulate our governmental system and had far more interest in that then following the Communist regime. Interesting food for thought.

This morning, dining next to our breakfast table, was a spunky Chinese couple who lives in Queensland, Australia. They sell souvenirs of kangaroos etc. (all made in China of course) and are on holiday. They had zillions of questions about the baby and our adoption and both insisted on holding her so we could eat. My Sagittarian spirit loves being reminded that there are more people in the world than just us sheltered Americans who so easily get myopic in view of the rest of the world. Sometimes I think we think we are the only people on the planet. But we're not. There are people everywhere - millions and millions of them, doing things everyday that aren't that unlike what we do.

Yesterday, for example, I went to get some baby supplies. I forgot wipes and needed to get some formula (same stuff she was drinking in the orphanage so as not to introduce too much change at once.) Taking the recommendation from the authors of luc and maisie's blog, I headed out to the Vinaconax super market. It's on the fourth floor of an indoor mall and has everything. Looking for cheap souvenirs? Tea? Coffee? Tweezers? They had just about everything except ginger ale, which is what I miss most here in Hanoi. Even Cambodia had it.

So, anyway, this indoor mall just blew me away. Here we are in Hanoi with four floors of indoor mall (a lovely respite from the heat) and guess what the people were doing? The same thing they do when they are perambulating around the Annapolis Mall. Shopping, chatting, wandering. Buying lots of electronic goods and cheap clothing. I thought I'd see a Gap and Starbuck's at any moment around the corner, but I didn't. Not yet. And they say this is a Communist country. It's hard, on most days, to see how or where.

Some more photos of our trip to Thai Nguyen

2007-07-12T11:35:00.000-04:00

House Arrest

2007-07-12T10:46:00.001-04:00

Okay, well not really. It just feels that way. Today seemed like a long day of waiting in that huge abyss of vagueness. Maybe go to police station today if papers get notarized. Maybe not. Apparently we got in too late last night to get them notarized in time to fill our passport applications for the babies this morning. But alas, the Dads went today to get them while the Moms stayed at home with the babies. Except for the three courageous single parent Moms who went as well.

So, at times it feels like we are hotel bound and can't leave because we're waiting for the phone call to tell us what the next step is. And of course we don't want to miss the phone call b/c then it might mean spending more time in Vietnam than we need or want to. As the baby's passport gets processed, which should allegedly be done in a week, we request interviews with the U.S. Embassy to get permission for the baby to have a visa to go the U.S. That may take two weeks. I'm not sure why some of that paperwork can't be done in advance but I hear that papers have to be sent to Ho Chi Minh City, then back to Hanoi and blah blah blah. It doesn't really matter if we understand it or not. Just as long as we show up when we're supposed to and the WC staff keeps us vaguely apprised. We - as in the community of fellow adopting parents that is forming - seem to find out more information from each other in passing than from the staff themselves. There are holes in the communication system but again, we must keep our focus on the trees, not the leaves.

Yesterday was a blast. Crazy. Unbelievably hot. Chaotic, etc. But before I launch into the details of our G&R (which we finally had around 3:30 - 4 pm), I want to tell you about our precious little daughter and meeting her. And before I do that, I want to let you know what Max said on the bus ride north to go get the babies.

Out of the blue, Max told me "I just can't wait to get our baby Mommy! I want to put her in your arms and let her stay there because I know you will love her so much." Like, someone couldn't have said the more perfect thing at that moment. Where he comes up with this stuff I have no idea but after that toast of sorts and the excitement of going over a very long bridge across the Red River Delta, he shape-shifted back into a four year old and slept for the remainder of the 2 hour horrific journey. (Our busdriver was horrible - nearly wiping out dozens of motorbikes and colliding with various large trucks head on along the way.) Just as well Max slept.

He woke up as soon as we pulled into the rather grotty looking social welfare center for Thai Nguyen province. Apparently, there are 20 babies living there (well, not after the deluge of American and Irish parents yesterday but anyway...) as well as the handicapped, elderly and mentally ill. Rather odd.

Max instantly woke up and said "I want our baby. Let's go get her." We were quickly ushered into a small waiting room that was already crammed with about six couples from Ireland who were also picking up their babies as well. All of our little girl's cribmates. Apparently, they rotate the babies around in different cribs so, for these fellow adoptees are the only family they've know for in their short lives.

I had to go to the bathroom as did some of the other parents (there were seven American families from World Child yesterday on the bus.) When I approached the waiting room, I heard Tom yelling for me to get in there quick. He already had Thi Nguyen Hoan (her Vietnamese name) in his arms. He had both Max and the baby amidst a frenzy of excited parents, sedate nannies and the WC staff consisting of Candy and Kenny who were troopers trying to translate all of our questions and the caretakers' responses.

Max immediately fell in love with his little sister. He just couldn't keep his hands off of her in the sweetest and most tender of ways. He loves being a big brothers and is a great helper. He can't get enough of her and just wants to be around her all the time. He gives us constant status reports on what's she is doing and wants to sit next to whoever has the baby in their arms. It's so sweet.

Christine, I will never forget you telling me that the love shared between siblings is so special and what fun it is to watch their relationship blossom. I totally felt that yesterday, even so early in our bonding experience. Max adores her and she follows him everywhere with her eyes. They even "played" cars together on our bed tonite, with Max showing her all of his cars and she, quite on cue, would blow raspberries as if she were making car noises with him. (BTW, our baby is wearing Adison's pink Peter Rabbit jammies today!) She looks so cute in them so thanks for the loan.

I'm more in love with Max than ever and it seems like overnight he has suddenly become such a big boy. He wants to help feed the baby, hold the baby, play with the baby. He even offered tonight to wear the Baby Bjorn to dinner as Tom and I jockeyed for the privilege.

And the baby. She's a cutie pie. Very sweet and mellow. She has a quite little cry and a sweet demeanor. And she's small!!! Like, I brought clothes that are way too big for her. So much for being a clotheshorse. Thank god I brought some younger sized clothes at the last minute. She has great eye contact and immediately started smiling when I had her in my arms. (Same as with Max which I considered to be such a good sign.) But this little girl is a real smiler. She has a big toothless, gummy grin and hardly any hair on her head. Last night, thank god, she slept from 9 p.m. to 5:30 a.m.!!!! And Tom happily did the morning bottle. I hope that wasn't just beginner's luck.

The poor little thing though isn't feeling well. Like many of the other parents, I took her to the SOS clinic this morning for a check-up. Every baby on the bus coming back to Hanoi last night was coughing, sneezing, wheezing etc. Not the healthiest lot but a little anti-biotics and a lot of love will have them back on their feet in no time.

Turns out our little one has an upper respiratory infection (not her first based on her medical records) and is heading towards an ear infection. So, we put her on zythromax today with high hopes that she'll be feeling more comfortable soon. I maintain that if this is how these babies are doing when they aren't feeling well, then we're doing ok.

In case you didn't notice yet (though I know my sister Annie has) we haven't settled on a name yet. We're still in discernment and the list is getting narrowed down. Max insists on calling her Gopala and that's what we call her amongst ourselves but her proper name hasn't revealed itself yet. I had a funny moment in the elevator today when I met an Indian family from New Delhi. I told them we just adopted a Vietnamese baby and that my son wanted to name her Gopala. The father of the family was most impressed and curious at the same time. "Why? How do you know who Gopala is?" His wife muttered something in disdain about us being Hari Krishnas.

Oh one other funny moment I had was yesterday morning at breakfast. Our hotel seems to be full of businessmen and parents adopting Vietnamese babies. Baby Bjorns and strollers are everywhere and we're pretty obvious to each other who we are. I met one man who was carrying his beautiful daughter in a Baby Bjorn and told him that we were adopting our daughter today. He took one look at Max and said "Oh, you must be Gopala." I was taken aback, caught fully off guard, and then he said he's been reading my blog. What are the chances??

We hope our little peanut starts to feel better and I'd be really excited if she maintains that kind of sleep schedule. She has a cute little whimper - like she's not allowed to cry but just wants to get a few squeaks in. I can't believe we finally have her after all this waiting. And much to my surprise, I have been cool as a cucumber for about 96% of the time. You know that feeling when you're doing something you're supposed to be doing and it all just clicks, as if in a divine flow? Well, that's just how this is. We are clearly being held and guided by angels on this trip. I've felt their presence more than once and bow to them in gratitude for their help.

I did have a few minutes of butterflies in my stomach yesterday morning as we were all just waiting, waiting and waiting for 12:40 to arrive. Thankfully, Tom let me fly for an hour or so to go shopping. Shopping therapy really calms the nerves and kept me focused on something other than my anxiety. By the way, anyone who wants to go shopping while they're in Hanoi for very nice quality items, I've got some great sources to share. There's a lot of redundant crap out there and I've luckily sleuthed out some fabulous finds as I try to get my Christmas shopping done. I should be a "buyer." Maybe in my next life.

And just a few notes on the baby hand-off and G&R. It's not as if this trip isn't already surreal enough so to add to the existentialness of it all, we have days like yesterday. We were so not in control of anything (though I did yell at the bus driver to slow down and drive more carefully with the babies onboard --- for somethings you just don't a translator) and were completely going with the flow as soon as our feet touched the bus. Like I said before, the baby hand-off happened so fast. The gift giving was even crazier. Apparently there isn't one caretaker who takes care of just one baby b/c several seemed to dote on our little girl. When I asked who I should give the thank you gift to, one took it and said she would share it with the others. The gifts disappeared in a flurry so there wasn't a chance to personally give gifts. I even met the little boy we are sponsoring in the orphanage, Le Van Van. I recognized him from the photo that was sent to us and I wanted to present him with the gifts I had for him but the presents were already gone when I got back to the room. All that stress about worrying what to get for whom and it all gets lumped together with no sense of personality attached to it. My advice to fellow adopting parents: don't stress too much about it.

After the baby circus of Christmas morning, we were paraded to the Justice Department for the province for the official proceedings. I would like to say that the day held great momentous meaning for us all but a) we were so hot, sweat literally soaking all of our clothes everywhere!, b) we were more excited about connecting with our babies and c) it seemed very official but also very rote. We signed some papers, the head officer came in and gave us a speech about how the babies are now ares and someone in our group, gave a speech thanking the officials for the babies, promising we would take good care of them and bring them back to Vietnam to see their country one day. Under the statue of the everpresent Ho Chi Minh and the Communist flag, the ceremony seemed more official than heartfelt. But whatever. It didn't matter. Everyone was just anxious to get back on the air conditioned bus and head back to Hanoi. Now the rest is in the U.S. government's hands.

Well, family and friends, I've got to sign off. I'm pooped out and everyone else is asleep but me. I'm so tired I'm not even going to check ebay or read my email which says a lot for me. With the last two ounces of energy I have left, I'd like to read my homeopathic book to see how I can help this little sweet pea of a daughter of mine.

More photos of our big day

2007-07-11T23:25:00.001-04:00

She's here!!!

2007-07-11T23:22:00.000-04:00

Good news

2007-07-10T05:28:00.000-04:00

Martin just called and said the ceremony is scheduled for tomorrow at 3 p.m. (That's Wednesday - I think we're a day ahead of the U.S.) So, he wants us to be ready to go out the door at 12:40 in the hotel lobby. That's easy for him to say. Everytime we go down there Max eyes the jewelry store and the ring. Today, he thought perhaps the man would go down to two. Two what, we ask?

After Martin called, I immediately went to get the diaper bag ready. What shall our little Princess of Peace wear for her big ceremony? I've heard that there's often not time enough to put the babies into the cute little outfits that we've picked out for them to wear, but in the off chance that there is, I've selected not one, not two but THREE outfits. Not to sound too Bergdorf Blondes about it but the truth is I don't know how big she is or what size she is wearing.

My number one outfit is an adorable Baby Gap white dress with colorful animals embroidered around the hem. Remember that one, dear sister Annie? It's a hand-me-down from my Sassy Seattle niece Sophie from years ago. One I found in a box you sent me for Max before we knew s/he was a boy. I know I should have returned it to you after you had Hattie (my new niece who was born in January and will be kissing cousins with Baby Girl McCall) but I liked it so much I didn't. Isn't that awful? Well, you still have my crib mobile... Sisters.

By the way, the diaper bag we will be sporting is a lovely striped one from the Fleurville collection, makers of top-of-the-line baby gear. Not only is it snappy, it's cleverly designed and spit-up proof. In addition, it's made by my dear friends, Steve and Catherine Granville so I thought I'd put a plug in for their company. Not to mention the link to their awesome collection of baby bags. www.fleurville.com. It's the least I could do considering they gave me a free bag! In all truth, I always carried one with Max and found it to be just perfect. I like things that can be cleaned easily.

I've stuffed the diaper bag with the three outfits (all light crispy cotton b/c it's so bloody hot), diapers (I'm hoping stage 2 swaddlers by Pampers will work), two bottles, some bottled water, wipes, two cloth diapers, bibs and a pacifier. Oh, and the little stuffed puppy dog my sister Suzy gave Max to give his sister when he meets her. I'm sure I'm forgetting something and will soon find out tomorrow.

Gift bags are wrapped and ready to go so now we just wait. This is becoming a familiar theme here in Hanoi, no?
Actually, I think we've been making excellent use of our time. This morning, we went to the Museum of Ethnology on the outskirts of town. It's a fascinating museum, highlighting the dozens of ethnic peoples in Vietnam, who for lack of a better description are akin to our native Americans or the Maoris in New Zealand or the aborigines in Australia. Many of the ethnic people here are familiar to us from our visits to the Hill Tribes in northern Thailand, like the Hmong and Lao people. They live in the hills of northern Vietnam, Cambodia, Thailand, Burma and parts of China. Unlike most of the world, they don't recognize arbitrary borders made by countries.

They have very simple lifestyles and make amazing textiles. Like, I want one of everything. The older and more antique the better. One could walk around the outside of the museum to explore the "outdoor display" of replications of their villages and huts. It was fascinating and we could have stayed longer if it wasn't so bloody hot. I'm glad we're doing some of these touristy things now b/c I don't know how much heat the baby is going to tolerate. Then again, she's never known air-conditioning....

Tom and I were both blown away by the displays regarding the Communist times from the early 70s to late 80s. People lived on rations and were given coupons to obtain things. They had live video footage of an elderly woman who described her apartment. They had a two rooms that she shared with her husband, mother in law, son and his wife and other son. In addition, it was not uncommon for city dwellers to also have pigs and chickens in their apartments for extra food sources. And this family considered themselves lucky! Jam, cigarettes, and MSG were only occasional luxuries. The glimpse into these lean times made us really appreciate the good life we have living in America and I'm not a flag-waving patriot but I will say I sure am glad to be an American. Even today, the red flag with a bright yellow star on it waves everywhere. Not sure how the Socialist regime affects daily life because things sure do seem to lean towards capitalism from my narrow perspective.

Anyway, we also happened upon a water puppet show which is a wonderful thing and Max just loved it. Picture four guys who are invisible behind a bamboo screen, manipulating brightly colored wooden puppets with bamboo poles into stories and old tales. Lots of loud music and I don't know what was harder to understand = the Vietnamese version or the English translation. We also happened on a children's science/discovery room but sadly, we didn't find that til it was 15 minutes before closing. Max made a few ink prints with wooden blocks but we didn't have time to do anymore.

Note to families who are awaiting travel and will be traveling with toddlers: the children's discovery center is open from 8:30 to 11:30 only. Afternoons it's closed. Also, do not go in the heat of the day. Go early. It's a wonderful place to take children, a bit of a hike out of downtown Hanoi - near the West Lake area - but well worth the haul. There are several water puppet shows a day and kids can even try doing the water puppets in a miniature theater with different animals on poles. Max fell in love with the fish and we ended up spending $35 (a fortune in Vietnam!!!!!) to buy him one at the museum's craft store. It's his big souvenir from the trip and we were feeling a bit soft.

And a note to shoppers: the museum store is a wonderful place to shop. Very reasonable prices though no bargaining and very nice quality objets. In other words, a nice gem amidst the sea of crap along the streets of Hanoi. The store is called Craft Link and its' great for shoppers, like me, with a conscience. It's a not for profit organization seeking new markets for traditional artisans. There's another location near the Temple of Literature at 43 Vanmieu Street. I plan to dash over there in the morning before we leave to get our baby. I'm trying to get most of our Christmas shopping done while we're here which is why I packed an empty duffel. I think now I should have brought two.... I hope my little girl is a shopper just like Mommy.

After the museum, we decided to have a nice lunch and went to where else but the Sofitel Metropole. I love that place. Too bad it's too cost prohibitive to stay in. It's also too much really to eat at too which I guess is why there are swarms of Japanese tourists there. I had fresh spring rolls (I think I've eaten them every day since I've landed in Indochina). They're very low fat and extremely refreshing in this oppressive heat. I was tempted to have the pineapple basil sorbet afterwards but was too full. Tom, Max and I raised our glasses to Donald and Michelle in honor of their recent engagement. I'll try to send a photo to you guys of that.

Max and Tom have just gone for a swim in the hotel pool. It's on the third floor and Max just loves it though the temperature makes Betty Crothers' pool seems like the Arctic. I think today was in the high 90s - and coupled with the humidity it's just a big fat sweatfest. It's little wonder the expats here take their vacations in the summer. Hanoi in the summer can be dusty, dirty and stinky hot but it's a city. For Asia, it's not bad but then again we hardly leave the French Quarter with occaional forays to the old part of town.

That's it for now, folks. Stay tuned for tomorrow when Baby Girl McCall gets a name. I'm figuring Tom and I will have two hours to work it out on the trip to the orphanage before meeting her......

Another day in the sauna known as Hanoi

2007-07-09T21:48:00.000-04:00

Hello everybody! Samantha again.

Good news! Martin says we are going to have our G&R ceremony tomorrow (Wednesday) which means we get our daughter tomorrow. Of course, I've learned by now not to get my hopes up til it actually happens because we are running on Vietnamese adoption time. Anything can happen, any time.

We don't know if we're going in the morning or afternoon yet but Martin said to prepare for a 2-hour journey to the university city of Thai Nguyen. We, being one of the three families staying at the Melia, will gather in the lobby at the appointed time and head north for the adventure of a lifetime. Tom and I are the only people in our immediate group here at the hotel who already have a kid so at least we can let go of the nerves of becoming a first-time parent.

The plan is this: first we will meet up with the other famlies in the WC group adopting from Thai Nguyen orphanage, load up in a van and head north. Martin says there are a total of 7 families - three are here at the Melia, another one is at the Somerset and another at the Hong Ngoc. Not sure about the others. We haven't met them yet but our little Melia group is starting to coalesce nicely. We check in with each other at least once a day and compare notes: good shopping spots, where to get laundry done cheaper than at the hotel (we've already spent $75), good places to eat, etc. At least we're not alone in being alone, helpless and confused.

First stop is to go to the orphanage to pick up the babies which I hear is a very emotional (understandably) experience. We will wait in a Meeting Room while the babies are brought out to us, one by one. We are not allowed to tour the orphanage facility or walk around which is rather disappointing. Not sure why we can't. Personally, I'd love to document it to show our daughter where she lives for the first four months of her life.

Once we have all the babies, we load up again in the van, this time with at least double the passengers (some people adopt "twins" - or 2 kids of similar age) and head to the department of justice in Thai Nguyen province where we will have an official ceremony that, in the eyes of the Vietnamese government, says these babies are ours. We sign books, take pictures and hopefully have an opportunity to meet the caretakers of our babies. Personally, I would love to thank our nanny as well as have photos with her and our baby. And, I'd love to find out details like when she likes to eat, when she likes to sleep, what she likes and dislikes, what makes her feel better etc. I don't know if I'll have that opportunity or not but I'm putting the intention out there.

Also, at some point we leave gifts for the justice department officials, the orphanage director, the baby's caretaker and 20 smalls bags for the nannies at the orphanage. I bought mostly everything in America before leaving but, because you can't take wrapped presents on a plane anymore, I spent the morning assembling and wrapping. Tom is writing thank you notes as I write. So that's tomorrow as I know it. Much can change as there are always a million variables but I think that's the gist of it.

So today we have yet another unscheduled free day. As Tom pointed out yesterday, as it turns out we really didn't need to come to Hanoi til today - which is Tuesday. We could have spent three more days in our beloved Cambodia which we all three agree would be preferable to Hanoi. Don't get me wrong. Hanoi isn't bad. Not that I've seen all of it but we're staying in the French Quarter and it reminds me much of my days living in Paris. Very French - then throw in the oppressive heat of a sauna mixed with the funky, pungent smells of Asia et voila! (Speaking of heat, it's been in the high 90s which, in this humidity, feels like 105 degrees. No rain yet though. Just a few sprinkles here and there but certainly not like the predictable afternoon thunderstorms in Siem Reap.)

Tom and I were hoping, at the last minute, to take a half day Vietnamese cooking class through the Sofitel Metropole Hotel. For $55, we would go to the outdoor market with the chef to pick out ingredients, come back to the hotel for cooking demonstrations and lectures and then enjoy lunch or dinner at the fabled Spices restaurant which reportedly has some of the best Vietnamese food in Hanoi. Unfortunately, when we called, the classes are postponed til renovations are finished at the hotel but maybe Tom and I should go there for dinner tonight. Leave Max at the hotel with a babysitter and have a date - just the two of us, because we probably won't be dating for awhile.

Also, huge congratulations to my adorable Baby Brother Donald who proposed to his girlfriend of 4 years this weekend. Michelle, we love you and look forward to you being a part of our family. As if you already weren't.... You guys make a beautiful couple. You're great people with big hearts who do good things. Max is so excited that Michelle is going to be his Aunt now!! Can't wait to see the rock - I hear it's as big as the Hope diamond.

And to Adison (aka Madison), please know that Max is getting his baby sister tomorrow. We can't wait for you to meet her.

Thank you all who are reading this blog. It's a wonderful way for us to document the trip and also to share it with you. We love getting your comments. It feels like we're not as far from home as we actually are. Keep 'em coming. We love you.

Walking in Hanoi

2007-07-09T09:54:00.000-04:00

Tom here.

I just got out of a great cinematic experience. I saw Casablanca in Hanoi overdubbed 80% in Vietnamese, 20% you could hear the English and with English subtitles. "Here's looking at you kid" never sounded like this before! It was also interesting watching a pro french film in a former colony.

The streets are so alive here. It is sweat through your underware hot, so everyone hangs out on the relatively cool streets. They play a board games (mah jong?), slice raw pork, or just sit with a straw conical hat in a heat pummled stupor.

It is amazing how many mopeds are in this city. All traffic rules are mearly suggestions. Traffic lights, center lines down the street, even one way traffic flows are merely suggestions. It is taoism in action. A beeping flow that seems to work. The one rule is once you start to cross the street, don't stop and don't change direction suddenly. A lunging sea of 70 mopeds flows around you as if you were a granite rock in the middle of a stream. It makes the heart race.

I am reading a biography about Pol Pot, the Cambodian mastermind behind the Khmer Rouge genocide known as the Killing Fields. Apparently Pol Pot was a bit of a putz growing up. Not so bright. And he came to a place where he expedited the murder of 1.5 million of his countrymen (a staggering one out of 7 people.) How is that possible? It has really got me thinking about Vietnam, Cambodia, Thailand and Laos. How power plays have been going on for centuries both between these countries but also when foreign powers come to exert and extract. We saw lots of people without legs hobbling about, begging at temples. the legacy of land mines continues to haunt Cambodia.

Walking down the street here in Hanoi, you see the bold yellow star in the red flag. This is a communist country. We lost the war. And yet they don't seem to care when I say, "I am from America." Just don't care. I walked by the infamous Hanoi Hilton today.

Still in waiting mode on the baby. Maybe we get her wednesday....maybe not. Loosey goosey seems to be the name of the game.

Now I will eat my spring rolls and fried milk cake.

2007-07-08T11:11:00.000-04:00

G&R ceremony delayed

2007-07-08T09:17:00.000-04:00

Hello Hanoi!

We arrived late last night and didn't get settled into our hotel room until about 1 a.m. The flight from Cambodia was delayed 40 minutes and then delayed even more as we had to wait for a thunderstorm to clear before take off. (I hadn't taken any xanax til then, especially after hearing about the Cambodian flight that mysteriously went down a week ago killing all passengers onboard.)

We are now based at the Melia Hotel which is reportedly a "five star" hotel though the rating is questionable. It's enormous (350 rooms?) and Hanoi's hopping spot for convention gatherings. It has a very convention like feel and I'm at a loss for describing the decor. Modern Vietnamese? Art deco meets cheap modern? Very angular, not entirely comfortable or welcoming furniture but we have a very generous sized suite which I know we will really appreciate once the baby arrives. We're on the 19th floor which Max just loves because there are floor to ceiling windows in the suite and he loves looking out across Hanoi in nearly three directions. There aren't many skyscrapers so the view is quite endless and uninterrupted. He of course especially like the bridges crossing the Red River.

We found out early this morning - purely by chance - that the highly anticipated Giving and Receiving ceremony scheduled for tomorrow has apparently been delayed. Martin, the adoption agency's Vietnamese coordinator here, says that one of the officers hasn't yet returned from his vacation. So maybe it's Tuesday? Or maybe later in the week? It's all entirely vague and I'm just trying to go with the flow. I think "maybe" will become my Vietnamese mantra. My other mantra is to remember to look at the forest, not the trees. If I can look beyond the trees of weak communication and other vagueness, this trip will run a lot more smoothly and gracefully. It's out of my hands and I just need to go with the flow.

As I said, we happened upon the info. because Tom was trying to get the international cell phone hooked up (thanks Jeanie and Jim) and he called Martin to give him our cell phone number. Tom asked him what was going on today and that's when Martin told him that the G&R ceremony was delayed til some nefarious date. So, while we had our hearts and hopes set on meeting our daughter tomorrow, I guess we'll just have to wait a wee bit longer.

Max and I were talking about names today and he looked at me and said "But her name is Gopala. We already decided that." Not sure who "we" is. I tossed out Lily or Molly, even being as generous to include Gopala as a middle name. "What do you think of Molly Gopala McCall?" I asked him. "No, mommy. It's Gopala Molly McCall." So he's a bit focused on his entry. Meanwhile, Tom and I are still tossing names back and forth and still feel like we need to hold her and see her in person before the enormous responsibility of bestowing a name on her.

As I write, Max is sleeping and Tom is doing the best he can to keep his eyes open for the Wimbledon match. It's the final match and it's being broadcast live. Funny how that works. It's 8:50 p.m. in Hanoi but around 3 p.m. in England.

Let's see. What else is new. Oh, I have a few funny tidbits to add.

1. Sorry the photos were posted sideways. Not sure how that happened and even less sure of how to correct it. If anyone knows, please let me know.

2. After breakfast this morning, we went on an exploration around this huge hotel. There are several shops in the lobby and one of them is a jewelry store. Completely on his own accord, Max insisted we go in and with the same insistence, suggested buying me a ring. He picked out an oval shaped blue topaz in white gold for $116. It might fit my pinkie it's so small. He was telling the Vietnamese shopkeeper that he wanted to buy the ring for me but needed to check with his Daddy first. He asked the price and then found Tom to report what he found. I've never seen him so insistent. We finally suggested that we wait because it's our first day in Vietnam and we should look around first. He asked me if I was sad about not getting the ring, and I told him no, I wasn't sad. That in fact my heart was very happy because he wanted to do a nice thing for me. Before bed, he said "maybe I can talk the man down to two."

3. We crossed the street several times in Hanoi today. Though it's only Sunday and I'm guessing traffic is less than during the week, the three of us braved the streets. There are few traffic lights and even fewer crosswalks. Just lots of motorbikes, scooters, rickshaws, buses, bikes and cars plying down the wide boulevards. Pedestrian crossing is a rather daunting task at first but after setting foot on the street, there's only one direction and that's forward. Miraculously, traffic diverges around you, with invisible angels guiding and protecting you across the busy streets. The motorbikes, like in Cambodia, seem to flow down the boulevards rather like leaves calmly floating down a river. Cars and taxis beep incessantly, just like in India with no other agenda expect to say "I'm here. See me."

4. Max prefers Cambodian pancakes over Vietnamese. I know I write about him a lot but we're really trying to savor this time with him. He's at a great age for this trip, soaking it up and able to hold his own. Whether he remembers the trip or not doesn't matter. He is present for every moment and it's a treat to see the world through his eyes. He rarely gets fazed, even when the Vietnamese grab his cheek and say "hello boy!" When asked how old he is, he has been overheard saying he's 6 - sometimes 16, depending on what mood he is in and how much of a clown he is being.

Oddly enough, or maybe not so oddly, the Asians ready identify him as Korean. Without a doubt they can tell by his features. The friendlier, South East Asians are curious and want to know why a Korean boy has American parents. (As if it's that hard to figure out??) The Thais, Cambodians and Vietnamese are very upfront and curious about his identity and dote on him like the royal prince that he is. Ironically and, truthfully, somewhat sadly, the throngs of Koreans we've encountered, mostly in Cambodia, refused to acknowledge his presence. Surely if the Asians from other countries could recognize Max as Korean, one would think the Koreans would certainly see it as well. None ever said hello or approached us. Weird.

Of course, all this question about Max's identity from others has led to some interesting conversations. For the first time in the four years of his life, I think he's recognizing that he's not exactly like Mommy and Daddy. That we're different - even different nationalities. He told someone the other day in the hotel swimming pool that he's Korean but his Mom and Dad are Americans although we all speak the same language. Very casual. Later that day, when I pressed for him to elaborate on that observation, he said "Well, Momma, you are a GIRL. And you're a grown up so that's why you're American." This trip is a very growing experience for him.

5. After a sluggish morning, we decided to do our first really naughty thing in Hanoi. We went to the Sofitel Metropole for Sunday brunch. At $35 a person (and Max, mercifully, was free), we supped on an awesome, unbelievable spread of food. Favorites included fried lychees stuffed with truffle, shitake and asparagus; enormous prawns with sweet potatoes, grilled mango with foie gras; duck breast with a tarragon sauce; salmon in beurre blanc; filet wrapped in pastry; scallops in reduced orange sauce; and a creamy pumpkin sauce to die for. Not to mention the French breads (a prevalant bow to the French colonial times), cheeses and desserts. Definitely would make the Four Seasons brunch look like McDonalds. Okay, not McDonalds but, well, inferior. Oh, and fresh tomato sauce - as in freshly squeezed tomatoes, not the canned stuff loaded with sodium. We stuffed ourselves silly and, dear Suzy, you would have died and gone to heaven with the fresh seafood bar.

Tom, not me for once, started lobbying to move from the Melia to the ultra-posh Sofitel which would be way more expensive and not nearly as good a value as what we have here. I'd rather we pop over for lunch every few days rather than cramming into a small "deluxe" room with two kids, one of them being a new baby. The Sofitel also has - EVERY DAY - an elegant chocolate buffet that made the dessert selection at brunch look small. It's $10 and includes afternoon tea. We will be checking that out. And I must confess that for the indigenous people of Asia, French colonialism did few favors in their occupation of Southeast Asia but there are some wonderful leftovers and signs from those times. Baguettes and pate in Vietnam? The most delectable croissants this side of the Ganges? Who would have thought.

After lunch, we tried to walk off our indulgence and circumambulated around Lake Hoan Keim. The tree-lined lake provided welcomed shade from the sultry tropical heat and a feast for our eyes. Max's goal was the oft photographed red bridge so there we went. We couldn't figure out quite what was going on there - there was a temple with people praying ("I'm not going to do it this time," Max declared without prompting) and in the other side of the building was an enormous stuffed turtle in glass, humidity-controlled display case. Random.

Though we were all dragging in the heat - Tom moreso because he had Max on his shoulders, we decided to press on make our way around the entire lake. Max, of course, announced his desire to get a cab several times but we didn't relent. (We wanted him to metabolize his chocolate infusion). It was a great first taste of Hanoi - lots of families out for a Sunday stroll walking hand in hand, little tykes Max's size riding their bikes, men squatting on their haunches and smoking opium in the street, hawkers selling postcards and the famous Vietnamese conical hats, old women cutting up Asia's stinkiest fruit: durian and old men doing tai chi along the water's edge. We even saw Jimmy Carter's Vietnamese look-alike.

7. Vietnam - Asia really - is still in the dark ages about smoking. In fact, there are people smoking in restaurants and in public and it drives this non-smoker nuts. I hate it and detest the foul smell. It's something Max has noticed as well. While we were having cold drinks on the club level this afternoon, he noticed a non-smoking sign on the table. He then proceeded to explain to the waitress that his Granny couldn't come in there because she smokes. "But my Gaga could. She used to smoke but she stopped smoking. She had a heart attack last year." He says this as if a) the waitress understands him and b) she also knows who Granny and Gaga are.

Again my apologies for writing so much. The thing is I just love writing in case you didn't notice. And I'm hopeful that this will one day be a great record for our dear baby who we are hopefully just a few days away from meeting. We're inching closer, getting anxious and just can't wait to have her in our arms. Believe it or not, I'm calm, cool and collected. That, of course, could change with the blink of an eye.

Not sure what tomorrow will bring. We're allegedly supposed to meet Martin in the morning and then not sure what happens after that. Thanks for reading along dear friends. I will quiz on this when we get back.

2007-07-08T07:36:00.000-04:00

2007-07-08T06:44:00.000-04:00

Farewell Cambodia

2007-07-07T08:29:00.000-04:00

It's 7:30 p.m. and we're sitting in the modern, brand spanking new airport in Siem Reap awaiting our flight to Hanoi this evening. It's 40 minutes late so I thought I'd hop on the computer.

Mercifully, the Raffles Hotel gracefully blessed us with a very late check out at no-extra charge. We left the hotel at 6 p.m., almost with tears in our eyes as we said good bye to our new friends there. We cannot recommend this hotel more highly. They have been wonderful and I have been spoiled by the ambience of French colonial times in Indochina.

Max said "Don't worry, Momma. We're coming back here after Vietnam with Gopala, right?" Both Tom and I left feeling like we barely scratched the surface of this beautiful country with such a rotten history. Today, we wandered by the Foreign Correspondent's Club and popped into a photography exhibit. Outside were about 10 larger than life metal sculptures - a huge bug, a multi-armed Hindu deity, a Momma elephant with baby etc. Upon closer inspection, these "cute" sculptures were made of broken AK-47s and other arms. Chills ran up and down our spines. Seemed like something Penny McCall would have collected in a heartbeat.

Tom and I agree we would like to return to Cambodia, especially to do volunteer work for an organization called Caring for Cambodia whose mission is to establish schools throughout the country, among other things. Not sure when that will happen but it's nice to have it on the horizon.

After going to the exhibit, we happened by a very busy Buddhist temple (or Wat) near our hotel. Music was booming, sweet incense burning and people were streaming in and out of the open temple. Max asked me what was going on and I told him people were praying. He said he wanted to go in and pray too. So, Max and I fumbled awkwardly through the ritual of prayer and offerings for about ten minutes. We bought stunning bouquets of lotuses (my favorite flower)for about 25 cents each, slipped off our shoes at the temple entrance like those who had gone before us and then we headed straight up to the altar and lit a bunch of incense, just like the Cambodians around us.

Once lit, we kneeled down in front of the Buddha, held the incense above our heads and bowed three times. How I wish I had a camera of Max praying - he was a natural as if he'd done this zillions of times before, patiently waiting for his mom as she earnestly stumbled through the ritual. No photo, digital or otherwise, but the image will forever be etched in my heart. This was all his doing - his insistence and how could I possibly say no?

It was all going too well. He told me he prayed for Gopala and I told him I did too and then when we went to put our incense in the container of ash, he burned his hand and emotionally melted into a puddle. That old shapeshifting trick of going back to a four year old catches me every time.

Just in case anyone is curious, I am so happy. I am on the way to pick up my daughter, I'm traveling with my husband and toddler son in the Far East and it's working! I haven't felt this exhilerated and stimulated in such a long time. It's that Sagittarian spirit, I'm convinced, that was practically falling asleep in Talbot County. Life is good, we are blessed and I am grateful. Now the big adventure begins. I suppose it's entirely possible that we might meet Gopala tomorrow and then we will be united with her on Monday. After talking about it for so long, I can't believe it's about to happen. Can you? I suppose we better really narrow down a name now as time is running out.

It's an auspicious day here in the East. The Asians believe 7-7-07 is a lucky day so I hope all your day is blessed with good fortune. They're about to call our flight to boarding so I must run. Next stop: Vietnam.

P.S.

2007-07-06T22:06:00.000-04:00

Just noticed on the blog that my entry said Friday. Guess what? It's Saturday morning here? Still have yet to wrap my brain around this time change thing. I think it's 12 hours difference. Completely upside down.

Temples, temples and more temples

2007-07-06T21:20:00.000-04:00

Okay, so it looks like the daily blog isn't going to work as I originally thought. In part because the computer connection in our room is weak at best, though I'm sure Melissa could figure it out, and I have to go ALL THE WAY down to the business center to hop on one of their computers COUPLED with the fact that we're having a great time and writing on the computer seems insignificant to, say, touring Angkor Wat.

The other very minor bummer is I haven't been able to post some of the wonderful photos we've taken to date but as soon as we get that hooked up, there will be lots of photos. Maybe even another blog just for photos from our trip??

But we complain not. As in nil. Cambodia is unbelievable and a must see for anyone remotely interested. We wish we had more time to explore and breathe in the atmosphere and leave knowing we are not doing this fine country justice.

I think it's fair to say Cambodia is my favorite country in South East Asia. It's a wonderful amalgamation of Thai, Chinese,Khmer and French influences. They don't spit everywhere and eat like animals like the Chinese, they don't smile and lie at the same time like the Thais. Indeed, unlike surrounding countries (i.e. Thailand and Indonesia) there's a sense of innoncence and honesty.

Even when the tuk tuk driver tries to overcharge us a $1 for the ride, he does so with one eyebrow raised - like he's only half asking and willing to accept the going rate without any fuss. Grateful for the work. Grateful especially to have a job in the rainy season when there aren't as many tourists infiltrating this former sleepy backwater. (FYI, if you are interested in visiting Angkor, do consider coming during the rainy season despite the dengue fever warnings. If the crowds yesterday were pesky and annoying - I would loathe to come during the dry season when they are reportedly much worse.)

Anyway, back to bargaining. Even though bargaining for everything is de riguer, Tom and I often find ourselves letting them have the extra dollar. It's hardly worth fighting over and they definitely need it. We use dollars for everything. Hardly any Cambodian riels exchanged b/c they have so little value. Prices wherever we go are in U.S. dollars. $20 admission to Angkor, $10 for an elephant ride etc. This is a very poor country. One that suffered a cultural genocide almost as worse, if not moreso, than the Jewish Holocaust. And this happened within the past 20 to 30 years - in most of our lifetimes and the world sat by in silence. As the general manager of the hotel pointed out to us, many of the Cambodians we see lost an entire generation. No role models and the educated were definitely the ones targeted the most. I could go on for days about this and need to refocus my ramblings, dear reader, on our blog and why we are really here. I'll try to stay on task but there's just so much to say!

The people are absolutely beautiful - brown skin, round faces, round eyes and sweet, sweet dispositions despite the incredible adversity they have had to live with/through. Pol Pot only died about 10 years ago and evidence of the ugliness of his horrendous regime can still be seen in the faces of the poor and the appendage-less victims of landmines.

(Yesterday, while we were at Angkor Wat, Max and I saw a man begging for money who had no legs. Clearly, having lost them in a landmine explosion. Try explaining that one to a 4 year old! I did my best to keep it age appropriate and encouraged Max to say hello the man and smile. What else could I do? It's so easy to feel paralyzed in the not knowing of how to help those around us who are suffering or who have suffered. Tom and I think so often these past few days of his father and step-mother, David and Penny McCall, who were here numerous times doing good things in Cambodia over ten years ago on behalf of Refugees International. Back when no one was here. I remember the story of Penny donating money for pumps so the villages could have access to clean water and they named them "Penny's Pumps." A little bit goes a long way. There are countless NGO's set up in the community trying to help the Cambodians help themselves. It's a beautiful system and seems contagious. I met a woman the other day by the pool who is American but lives in Singapore. She's on the board of an organization called Caring for Cambodia (caringforcambodia.com) which is helping to set up schools all through the area as education is one of the top needs. To make a long wandering story short, folks who are reading this stateside, complain not. We have it so easy in America. So embarrassingly easy we don't know how lucky we are. Fresh, clean water, a roof over our heads, healthy meals to eat, family etc. We've got it good, folks. Real good.

I'm running out of computer time and so will make this short though it's by no means to give less importance to what lies ahead. We leave tonight for Hanoi on a 7:30 flight from Siem Reap on Vietnam Airlines. (Here's to hoping it's better than the one that brought us here on Bangkok Air.) Quite possibly, we might meet our daughter tomorrow. The real reason for our journey is fast becoming apparent as we've had this mini-break from reality hiding out at the Raffles Hotel. Yesterday at breakfast, Max spontaneously broke into a prayer for Gopala, telling her we will be with her soon and that we are closer to her than we have been. "We're almost there to get you Gopala."

That kid, I tell you, never ceases to boggle my mind. Yesterday, while we were doing the temple tours around Angkor (turns out Angkor Wat is just one of many in a huge, complicated, magnificent complex), we observed some Buddhists offering incense and praying to a Buddha statue at the temple. Max asked our guide Keo what they were doing and he said they were praying. Max announced that he wanted to do it too so we watched him as a woman handed him three burning incense and taught him how to bow in front of the Buddha three times. He did it like a pro (very been there, done that) and told us that he said a prayer for Goapala. How could you not love that as a parent? He's been a fabulous ambassador and is without the social reservations we parents have. He talks to everbody and is rather a pain in the butt to have on the temple tour. Whenever we were approached by the hoardes of touts selling t-shirts, Angkor guide books, bracelets or cheap fans, Tom and I always just walk away saying no thank you. Max, on the other hand, says "I want one! I want that!" which the touts just love. After buying one bracelet he insisted on having, he was approached by another kid selling him more bracelets and he told them he already had them and waved them off. Then someone came up to him and said "you don't already have these!" I should have just given him five dollars and let him go to it. He's quite the bossy one and is unfazed by the crowds that surround him.

We're surprised that nearly all the Cambodians instantly recognize him as Korean. They have a hard time understanding "adopt" and don't quite get why his parents are American and he's Korean. When it's just me and Max together, they ask if my husband is Korean.

I've got to sign off. I'm almost out of computer time and Tom is getting anxious about me being down here for so long in the business center.

As I said earlier, we are getting ready for chapter two of our big adventure which starts tonight. It's possible we could meet Gopala tomorrow - don't know for sure though (I don't know anything for sure) and then Monday is the famous Giving and Receiving Ceremony when Goapal becomes ours in the eyes of the Vietnamese government. Holy cow. Such a momentous, huge life changing event and we're being awfully casual about it right now. Tom said this is our last day as just the three of us - very poignant and not a bad thing.

We are so glad we left a few days early and had a chance to break into the culture shock and new time zone gently and with ease. Our body clocks are far from adjusted - but we're getting closer. Siem Reap was definitely worth a stop. The temples were unbelievably amazing and I note that I didn't even cover that experience in the blog though I must say, Derek, if you are reading this, I did try to climb up the top of the tower in the rain on those narrow, narrow ledges in flip flops (the Asian national shoe). I made it halfway up and then chickened out but Tom McCall, stil remembered for his bungee jumping prowess in New Zealand, went all the way up. D, I didn't get your message til after going to the temples.

Thanks dear ones for reading this and I promise to write back with more news as it unfolds. My apologies for the long-windedness. We love you all and thank everyone for the support and friendship that has brought us to this very moment in our lives.

As my Mom always said in her letters to me, "more later."

Hello Cambodia

2007-07-05T09:35:00.000-04:00

Sour sdei! (Or, hello in Khmer.)

Alas, I've found a computer I can get onto my blog with a signal. Our laptop is upstairs but not receiving the wireless signal very well so just pretend I'm sending you photos with this messages. It's 8:37 pm and both Tom and Max are passed out in bed. Sound asleep. I was too but the doorbell of housekeeping staff woke me up and I decided to make an entry on our blog.

Just to recap where we've been since my last entry and where we are now, our trip leaving Dulles was absolutely uneventful, mercifully. The 4 a.m. wake up call was a tough one though, having had two hours sleep the night before. We put Max in the car that picked us up at 4:30 a.m. and he woke up in the brightest of moods. He loved watching the sun come up and was just full of monkey chatter. Sweet monkey chatter. "Mama, I just love your garden. The flowers are so beautiful." Or, "I am just so excited to go meet Gopala. We'll have her soon Mom."

At JFK, we were somewhat naughty (but very smart) and made a last minute upgrade to Royal Silk Class from premium economy on Thai Airways. No first class on this 17-hour flight from JFK to Bangkok but the business class was a welcomed relief. Especially after walking around the airplane several times and seeing the other passengers crammed in snug like sardines. Lots of gratitude going on here.

Despite the fact that we were on the plane for 17 hours, the flight went remarkably well. It was just barely tolerable. The clock moves much slower at that altitude but the service was wonderful and I would say for about the first 7 hours Max was full of Maxness. He was just the chatterbug. Fortunately we all had a computer screen in front of our seats and he liked watching "Lady and the Tramp" and "Happy Feet" - in English with Japanese subtitles.

As a brief aside, the entertainment choices on a 17-hour flight are nearly enough to convince my husband to take a trip like this just so he can have his own personal film festival. There were about 30 good films to choose from, excellent documentaries (on photography, Wimbledon etc.)and great musical selections. Not only that, they whet my international tastebuds b/c there were offerings in Japanese, French, Italian, Chinese, Thai, English, Korean etc. A mini-UN via entertainment. When I first boarded, I remember thinking I'd watch about three films and ended up not watching one. I'm not even sure what I really did to pass the time - read magazines, minded Max, stayed glued to the flight's progress across the world, slept and ate.

For the pilots out there, the flight plane included heading north to Albany, Montreal, Hudson Bay, THE NORTH POLE!!!!!!!!!(no sign of Santa), and then down through Siberia, Mongolia, China, Irkutsk (names from the Risk game, and then to Thailand. Speaking of the North Pole, I looked out the window so hard absorbing all that I saw. Soaking up my porthole perspective just as I did when I flew over Mt. Everest.

Max was a great traveler. He ended up sleeping for about 5 to 6 hours and Tom and I drifted in and out as well. Tom also got food poisoning from eating salmon on the flight. Luckily he made it to the loo before having to pull out his barf bag. Aside from that, it was an excellent flight. Very calm, no turbulence and a great landing. FYI, it was bright white outside for the entire flight b/c in the summertime, it never gets dark on the north pole.

We landed in Bangkok and hung out in the transit zone for a couple of hours - much to Max's delight where he could watch the flights coming in and out. Then it was on to a very smooshed in Bangkok Airways flight to Siem Reap, Cambodia. We flew through a nasty dark storm, hit some turbulence and had a very rough landing. But believe it or not, I only took a HALF a xanax for the entire flight (including coming from Dulles) which I thought was amazing.

So here we are in Siem Reap. Our minds have yet to catch up with our bodies and frankly, it all just seems very surreal. Cambodia, as seen through the perspective of the Raffles Grand Hotel d'Angkor. It's a lovely hotel, though undergoing restoration, and a busy little town. Lots of motorbikes zipping around and tuk tuks (half motorcycle, half rickshaw) farting and sputtering around behind them.

Max had his first tuk tuk ride today and was in heaven. It's so much fun to see the world through a child's eyes. No doubt that $2 ride to the very uneventful butterfly gardens (a visit in honor of the butterfly-loving Guinness family) will be among the most memorable moments of his trip. He just laughed and laughed, big full, jolly belly laughs. "Look at that Momma"! "A bridge - just like the Bay Bridge." (Hardly, I say, as it was smaller than the Tunis Mills bridge and spanned a coffee au lait Siem Reap river.

We wandered around town, mostly in the area of the Old Market just absorbing the world around us. It's stinky, tropical heat hot and humid. We actually had sun today which was nice and then heavy rains this afternoon. It seems just about everywhere we go we're greeted with cold, menthol-infused washcloths. So refreshing!

We had a yummy little snack at a funky restaurant called the Blue Pumpkin. French bakery downstairs and upstairs we went to the Cool Lounge. White beds and pillows all over where we drank fresh fruit smoothies and Max dined on his favorite, french fries. I also indulged in the very best fresh spring rolls I've ever tasted.
Back to the hotel it was for a swim for me and Max and a long nap for Tom.

We met a fascinating family - American expats living in Singapore. They were traveling with their daughter (one of three biological ones) and also had their three and a half year old adopted daughter with them. The adoption has not become official yet in the eyes of the Cambodian government but they've been coming up every weekend from Singapore to spend time with her. She lives in the orphanage when she's not staying with them at the Raffles. What a contrast. The mother is on the board of a great organization called Caring For Cambodia - a fabulous non-profit devoted to helping the Cambodians build schools etc. for the children in the community.

(This is, of course, in response to Pol Pot extinguishing the educated during his holocaust a decade or so ago.)

My wrists hurt from typing so I'm going to sign off. We are happy, we are well and just loving the friendliness of the Cambodian people we've met. They are a beautiful people and I only wish we had more time to stay here. This country is hardly developed as a full-fledged tourist destination though signs of it are seen everywhere.

Max has been excellent - if not a little too chatty. Telling people he's 16 or 22. Ordering hot chocolate for breakfast without asking us and telling the tuk tuk driver how to put the stroller on the tuk tuk etc. A bold young man.

The only scary thing is that there's been a bad outbreak of dengue fever. The hotel guest relations manager informed told us this morning. About 400 to 500 are getting it a day and the hospitals are so full that they've ahd to close!! Someone told me if we had an emergency he would help us get in. But it's scary - nothing we can take prophylactically except preventative measures. So lots of Deet it will be tomorrow before we head to Angkor Wat and the other temples tomororw at 8 a.m. Sometimes I just want to keep Max at the hotel as Dengue Fever wasn't part of the picture we ordered.

Life is good. We are truly blessed and so glad we made the trip a little early to acclimate to the time change. Jetlag and Siem Reap combined make quite a hazy cocktail. I see fellow travelers (I used to be one in some of my previous lives) and pine for those backpack-laden budget traveling days. And I'm also tremendously grateful to be right where we are right now.

I can't believe we're going to meet Gopala in a few days. Indeed, in a few days she will be ours. The time is right and we are ready. Monday is our G&R date, when she officially becomes ours in the eyes of the Vietnamese government. And Monday is only a few days away.....

Will report from the jungle tomorrow. I'm about to pass out. I love you all and thanks for reading this and writing coments.

The countdown is on!

2007-07-03T00:48:00.001-04:00

Gopala, here we come!

This time next week, if all goes as planned and intended, we shall have our baby girl in our arms on July 9th. I am so EXCITED!

No time to write a proper entry. Just a quickie. We leave in about three hours to go to Dulles Airport (4:30 a.m. departure from Tunis Mills) and then the journey to our daughter really begins.

I am exhausted. It's nearly 1 a.m. and I have about 20 mins. more of packing.

We've pretty much nailed it down to one bag a person but they're heavy!!!!!!!!

Clothes packed for a week, a huge bag of baby gear/stuff, diapers, gifts for the Vietnamese officials, reading material, and blah blah blah. And the nursery is pretty much ready.

We had a wonderful little farewell dinner with Mom. Thanks for bringing the steamed shrimp down and mostly, for giving your grandson a much needed bath.

I can't believe we are finally at this point. After years of being in discernment to really starting again in earnest in January to now - July 3rd on our way to Asia. Holy cow! Are our lives about to change. See you later Tunis Mills! Back in a few weeks. Grow mightily and well beautiful garden!

I love you all - a huge, big, immense thank you to those wonderful people near and dear to our hearts who in the past two weeks have gone overboard offering friendship and kindness in the sweetest and most unexpected of ways. It's all very much appreciated. We are so blessed to live in such a wonderful community. Ciao for now!

Anyone want to join us?

2007-06-30T01:25:00.000-04:00

Hallelujah! Praise God and all those other wonderful beings out there that have helped our trip to the East come together.

Since last week, Tom and I have been spinning around like Whirling Dervishes though instead of trance-induced states of bliss we often end up just feeling anxious and spent.

I am proud to say that the big pieces of the puzzle have finally come together and we are almost there. After much fretting for days, our visas to Vietnam arrived yesterday afternoon. (I'm still not sure what the actual visa fee is but that's another story). Nevermind the fact that no one answers the phone at the consulate in san francisco or returns emails. We finally got through by faxing a desperate plea to the office. Our plane tix arrived by FedEx on Wed. and our extremely patient and helpful travel agent, Todd Gallinek delivered them as promised. (Note to adoptive parents: if you are looking for a travel agent, he's your man!) Our shoulders still ache where we got last minutes shots for the trip (Hep A, Hep B and tetanus boosters) and our house is being overtaken by piles, piles and more piles. Mail and newspaper held, transport to the airport booked AND I've even written a letter to the health insurance company requesting they add our daughter to our policy.

I keep walking around in circles but manage to get things accomplished in my multi-tasking haphazard way of doing. For instance, it occurred to me today as I was waiting for the phone to ring for our pretravel conference with the adoption agency coordinator, that the slipcovers on several chairs needed to be cleaned. So, three loads of laundry later, we have clean chairs and our daughter will come home to a deceptively clean house. I've also been doing a lot of ironing lately. Not because I have to - more because I think these mindless tasks are somewhat relaxing and calming to my otherwise active mind. It gives me something to do, something measurable, while I wait.

After reviewing about 12 possible itineraries (thank you Todd) with all sorts of connections, we decided to go with Thai Airways (one of the world's best - they still do that service thing that the airlines in America have deep sixed for greater profits). We fly THIS Tues. a.m. from Dulles to JFK for a non-stop 17-hour flight to Bangkok. Then we're going to hop on a Bangkok Airways plane to Siem Reap, Cambodia. We are going to stay there (the Raffles Grand Hotel D'Angkor to be precise) for three nights and four days while we explore this unbelievable 1,000 year old Hindu monument.

We got a great rate at the hotel because it's off season but then there's always a reason why it's off season. Like the summer rainy season. I just checked the weather forecast in Cambodia - highs in the 80s all next week with showers and thunderstorms. Come rain or high water though, we still want to go to the temples. No expectations because we will have Max McCall by our side and we may spend more time in the hotel swimming pool than actually sightseeing but that's ok. I'm grateful for the vinyl ponchos I picked up at LL Bean the other day. If we're stuck in the hotel all day b/c of weather, do we still need to take our malaria medicines? We just decided this week to take them b/c according to the CDC website, Siem Reap is one of the areas in Southeast Asia where malaria-carrying mosquitos reportedly exist in great abundance. We'll be fine once we get to Hanoi but until then, Tom and I are both taking an anti-biotic for prevention.

After touring Angkor Wat, we fly to Hanoi late on July 7th. It's a 2 hour flight and we hope to stay at a hotel called the Melia. I say hope because apparently our adoption agency cannot give us a confirmation of where we will be staying. At first, this made me really mad - perhaps just a convenient excuse to vent the stress build up - but I've finally resolved to just let it go. My friend Brenda keeps reminding me to look at the forest, not the trees and when she says that, I'm reminded that we are on a mission to pick up our daughter. If we get her, the rest is merely details and a very small timeframe in our lives. (Like I'm hoping the flight will be????)

I am thankful for so many things right now (we're getting a baby girl!!!!!!!!! a dream come true for me) and one of those things is the experiences I've had traveling in my life. Two trips around the world with a backpack on a traveler's budget coupled with having lived overseas several times eases the majority of my anxieties. So if we arrive at the airport in Hanoi in the middle of the night and there's no room at the inn, well, we'll just pop on over to the Sofitel Metropole - the grande dame of hotels in Hanoi. Right out of the French colonial days which, despite all the bad things that happened, I tend to glorify and dream about.

Anyway, back to our itinerary. We are supposed to have our Giving and Receiving ceremony on July 9th which means, in the eyes of the Vietnamese government, our daughter is officially ours. Then it's weeks (two? three? four?) of jumping through hoops mostly for the U.S. Embassy. So, this means that I will become the mother of a 4 month old baby girl in 10 days. Yes, 10 days. Oh my god. It's getting so close!!!!! Ten days away from a dream coming true. Pretty freaky and very cool at the same time. I hope she likes Tunis Mills and gardens.

My intention is to try to write every day on our trip though I can't guarantee that will happen. We're taking our laptop and plan to stay in email contact. So please keep checking the blog if you want to know our progress. I'll try not to be so verbose.
Anyone have any tips for traveling with a four-year-old on a 17 hour flight?

We got THE CALL

2007-06-24T23:39:00.000-04:00

Just noticed that I haven't written since my sister Annie's birthday on May 27th. Not much news to write. I confess I got caught up with the swing of summer and temporary amnesia about summer vacation. It's a rather misleading term because who is the vacation for? For the teachers and the kids, NOT the parents.

So I've been full-time on Max duty, enjoying our time together (I think he's part fish he loves swimming so much) and also feeling like I never really get anything accomplished. I'm not sure where the days go but little things like laundry, paying the bills, writing thank you notes, filing taxes, and grocery shopping become Herculean tasks.

Anyway, after months of worrying and not knowing WHEN we travel to Vietnam, the good news is that on Thursday, we got THE CALL. The phone call many of my fellow adoptive parents in cyberspace are eagerly awaiting. We were told that we need to be in Hanoi on July 7th or 8th and that the famous Giving and Receiving ceremony will be July 9th. Holy cow! It's really happening. The McCalls are dancing in the streets.

We've really got to get things moving forward in first gear now. We don't have a whole lot of notice, as you can see, and the frenetic scramble has begun. I thought we'd be accomplishing a lot if we at least got our visas to the Vietnamese Consulate in the mail on Thursday but even a seemingly simple task like that took longer than necessary. Our dance with bureaucracy continues.

Our contact at the adoption agency didn't know what the visa fee was and when he referred me to someone else in the office, that person "thought" it was $45. We couldn't get through to the embassy in D.C. or the consulate in San Francisco to find out what the fees were - funky phone lines I suppose. But we sent tthe applications and our passports anyway, with certified checks for $45 for each of us. Then on Friday, when I finally got a call through to the embassy, a polite young woman said the fees were $65 each for rush processing. So, off Tom went again to the post office to get the money order and overnight the additional money to the embassy. As soon as he did that, I got an email from the consulate saying the fees are now $85. So, we'll do it all over again tomorrow I suppose. At least that's in the works with the intention of moving forward.

Then I've been emailing all weekend long with Todd Gallinek, a travel agent, who has a fabulous reputation amongst the adoptive parent crowd for finding excellent airfares and itineraries. We've been emailing and talking all weekend long trying to put this huge piece of the puzzle in place. It's tricky business and my hats go off to Todd for 1) finding seats for us at the last minute and b) airfares that aren't going to send us to the bank of a second mortgage. The good news is that there are some seats available even at the last minute. The bad news is we're looking at a very long flight. The travel time from door to door will probably be about 25 hours and cross quite a few time lines.

Korean Airlines is out. No seats available and no oppty. to stop there and show Max his native country. That will be another trip for another time. (I had thought maybe we could make a quick trip into to Seoul and meet his foster mother who took care of him for the first four months of his life.) That will be another journey in the future.

Right now, we're looking into the possibility of leaving a few days earlier than required so that we can go to Angkor Wat in Cambodia. It's so close it just keeps calling me to visit. There's talk of flying to JFK, then hopping on a Thai Airways airbus and flying non-stop for 17 hours to Bangkok. Then hopping over to Siem Reap and then to Hanoi in time to pick up our baby daughter. Todd is even looking into possible upgrades (like premium economy or business class) that won't cost us an arm and a leg. I'm all about traveling in comfort. Somehow, this journey is so different than the days when I traveled by bus from Varanasi, India to Kathmandu, Nepal for $8 one way. Times have changed, especially when there's a preschooler and an infant in tow. Adventure, yes. Bed bugs, no.

By the way, we just got new photos of Gopala and she looks just precious. Much of her scabies and/or fungus has cleared up and in the new photos she's smiling and has a beautiful twinkle in her eye. When Max saw the new photos he said, "she just can't wait to come live with us!" Tom and I were so excited on Thursday when we got the news of the travel date. It seems to have come very fast and the timing is perfect. Tom doesn't have any assignments in July or August so our schedule is very flexible. We may end up in Vietnam for 2 weeks or one month depending on how the paperwork processing goes. If it happens sooner rather than later, we may even get to go to Fishers Island this summer which has been a part of our annual summer pilgrimage. Yippee.

Back to the travel stuff, we couldn't do any of this planning stuff until we got the travel date. So now all these big pieces have to come together and they have to come together fast. Immunizations, hotel reservations, plane tix, packing, gift buying for officials, finding someone to water the garden while we're away etc. etc. We've got about a week to do it all and occasionally I get so stressed out that I feel paralyzed and can't do anything.

Here's a sampling of our very sexy to-do list before leaving for Hanoi:
•get plane tix
•get visas to Vietnam
•make hotel reservations for Hanoi
•have pre-trip travel conference with adoption agency
•take deep breathes often
•pack for baby
•pack for Max
•pack for Tom and Sam - with monsoon weather in mind
•get shots like hepatitis A, tetanus boosters etc.
•take cat to spa
•co-host kimberly's baby shower
•skip my baby shower which was scheduled for july 12th but has since been cancelled due to imminent travel plans
•add baby to health insurance plan
•buy travel insurance
•get lots of cash
•take more deep breathes
•get gifts for Vietnamese officials and orphanage caretakers
•pray, ask for help, accept help when offered, keep the faith
•have fun - it's a once in a lifetime adventure

So there it is folks. A brief update in our simple lives which are about to change immensely. Am so excited to finally meet our daughter and am thrilled beyond words that this process has gone so fast and that we are able to adopt a little baby. She's almost four months old - same as Max when we adopted him.

The crib is up, the baby's room is nearly ready but certainly adequate to move in to now and the only big thing left is agreeing on a name. We've got a long flight to figure that one out... Today my Mom suggested "Polly" which would be short for Gopala. That could work. Still leaning towards naming her after our cat Lily...

Thumbs up from the docs

2007-05-27T00:05:00.001-04:00

Good news! We've taken another small step forward on our journey to become parents of a beautiful Vietnamese baby girl. After receiving our daughter's referral from the adoption agency, Tom and I had a consultation with our local pediatrician who reviewed her medical records and based on what limited information we have, all looks good health-wise. Of course, it's so hard to know. We have no information whatsoever from her birth parents because she was abandoned so we're really starting with a blank slate.

I also asked a pediatrician specializing in international adoption at Johns Hopkins Hospital to review the records. She, too, had a positive review, again judging only by the small amount of information we have on her from her medical check-up and photos that were emailed to us. I liked the Hopkins pediatrician who said she would be available to us - as did our pediatrician here in Easton - while we are in Vietnam in case we had any medical questions. Dr. Deborah Schwengel couldn't have been nicer and offered to write prescriptions for a travel medical kit for our family. We adore our pediatrician here AND I have to say there's something reassuring about also connecting with a doctor whose specialty is international adoption and deals with these issues every day. And once again, I bow to the doctors at Johns Hopkins who, in my experience, have been the most approachable medical professionals I've ever met.

Anyway, having a second medical opinion is something we did not do with Max when we adopted him from Korea nearly four years ago! The Korean medical system is on par with ours and the medical records are reliable and trustworthy unlike most other countries, Vietnam included. So we've done as much as we can on that part and of course will be accepting the referral. Inching closer and closer to welcoming another soul in our family constellation.

I spoke to the director of the adoption agency on Friday and she said the wait to travel is about two to three months. Because we're among the first wave of families to be affected by the recent adoption changes in March, predicting our travel date is anyone's guess. She did say, however, that once we get THE PHONE CALL for travel, we will probably have about a week's notice before we actually have to be on a plane and flying to Hanoi. Holy shit! That's not much time to get visas, last minute plane tickets, hotel reservations etc. Not to mention holding the newspaper and mail, finding someone to keep my garden alive and watered while I'm gone, a housesitter, cat to the "kitty" spa, and so on. I've got my fingers and toes crossed that the timing coincides when Tom can be there for the entire time (in other words, not when he has a photography assignment that can't be changed) and Tom's hoping that he can make it to both Police concerts (Madison Square Garden and Hershey Park) on their reunion tour. Men?!

So, in case you want to know what I'll be doing for the next few weeks, more than likely you will find me packing for three people (moi and TWO kids) and trying to get the baby's room organized. Not to mention the list of a zillion projects I've had on my "to-do" list for months. (I've finally let go of the notion of sending thank you notes to everyone for Christmas presents. Consider this our big thank you, universe!) And then there's the matter of buying gifts for the Vietnam coordinators, the orphanage director and the baby's caregivers - a tradition we are encouraged to take part in. I wonder what Angelina Jolie gave them? Maybe I will email her for ideas...

A lot of people have asked me if we can just go to Vietnam now to pick up the baby and wait in Hanoi til the paperwork is completed. How we wish we could do that but that's not how the process works unfortunately as we were completely prepared to spend the summer in Hanoi if we had to. Others have asked us what are we waiting for? In short, to answer a very good question that I'm rather vague on myself, the proverbial ball is currently in the Vietnamese government's court. After various paperwork gets passed around and approved in various departments from the provinces to Hanoi and HCMC and then back again, we (as in prospective adoptive parents) are issued a Giving and Receiving date. This is the next big hurdle that we need to jump through. The G&R, as many call it, is a very big deal. It's officially when the government of Vietnam gives the baby to us, gifts are exchanged and sometimes (though regrettably not in our situation) there are introductions to the birth parents and/or birth families. The ceremony is with government officials in the province where the orphanage is (in our case in Thai Nguyen) and then the baby is ours to keep. Sort of like going to the hospital, having labor and leaving a day or so later with a baby in your arms. Or, like our experience with Max, taking a casual drive to Dulles Airport with an empty car seat and an hour later heading home with our 4-month-old son. All three of our lives forever changed, forever blessed and forever connected.

By the way, I don't know if you, dear readers, are really interested in all of this but more than likely we will be with a group of fellow adoptive parents who are also adopting babies from the same orphanage. It is said that we will get to know these families very well during our stay in Hanoi and that lots of bonding and lifelong connections are formed here. Though we arrive as strangers, we leave as a family, connected by the mutual experiences of one of life's hallmark events coupled with the existential challenge of coping in a foreign land. Perhaps the collective global journeys Tom and I have taken over the years will help facilitate this momentous opportunity and experience with grace and ease. Not sure I would have had the confidence and courage to take my 4-year-old son to Asia AND adopt said 4-year-old's sibling without those rich experiences. Plus, both Sagittarians, Tom and I know we are at our very best in relationship when we are on the road together and this journey could not be for a more meaningful reason. (There's even mumbling of us going to Southeast Asia early to explore Cambodia, Laos and Vietnam for a wee bit before we are scheduled to adopt our baby. This small mustard seed of an idea is growing bigger everyday.)

My apologies for digressing. Back to the topic at hand. Assuming dear reader that you are remotely curious about what's next in the adoption process, I am going to note the highlights of what is believed to follow. ( I could be wrong, way off, whatever and I take no accountability for the accurateness of what follows b/c this is all so new to us and we are merely pioneers in a new program. Hamsters in a cage.) Of course, I would encourage you to keep checking in on the blog because only what is written in past tense will be true.

Hence, we now await, on pins and needles, for our travel date (a.k.a. Giving and Receiving ceremony date) While we've been told the wait is 2 to 3 months, it could come earlier as it did for our friends Andrea and Scott or it could come later. Regardless, we are ready and await the next step. Then, once we travel to Vietnam, it seems that adoptive families are typically given the babies very soon after arrival. Like the G&R could even be the day or two after arriva!!! (For the record, by the way, because our baby is in an orphanage in northern Vietnam, we will be based in Hanoi. Adoptions agencies have connections with orphanages throughout the country but we already know we're in the north.) In other cases, the ceremony could be rescheduled, delayed, etc. which usually means a lot of waiting for phone calls of what's next.

I've also read this is an excellent time to shop which of course, I look forward to with the greatest of pleasures! After the formal ceremony, the baby is ours. The next hurdle is mostly with the U.S. government and getting authorization to "import an orphan from a foreign country." There's a great deal of scrutiny on America's part b/c of Vietnam's past history with baby smuggling etc. so, as a result, there are two official interviews at the US Embassy punctuated in the middle with another medical check-up at the SOS clinic in Hanoi. Also while hanging out in Hanoi, we have to apply to the Vietnamese for a passport for the baby to travel. There are, mercifully, agency coordinators to help us walk through the maze of family making. Said maze could take a week or two to complete, depending on how busy they are, holidays (American and Vietnamese), the Gods, the stars etc. None of it is in our hands and it seems that as long as we do the required monkey dance, we should leave Vietnam with our baby daughter in less than a month. So, that's it in a nutshell. Confused? Yeah, me too.

To say we are excited is an understatement. I do believe I was in shock for the entire first week since our referral came. Although I've been waiting my whole lifetime, or so it seems, for a daughter, the reality of it took some time to sink in. I'm still trying to be reserved and not get my hopes up because a million things could happen between now and then to disrupt our plans. I'm not dwelling on those possibilities and am trying to keep my focus on the positive but I fear getting overly excited and then being disappointed. It's an awkward tightrope to walk. I guess if I have to err in any one direction, I might as well keep my heart open and err in love.

Tom's thrilled and seems to talk about it more than me. He keeps telling everyone we're going in July which is just a different way of interpreting "two to three months." Max kisses his sister's photo at night and then kisses his new goldfish Cleo (his favorite birthday present. My Mom hit a bulls eye with that $1.50 present!) And guess who has the privilege of taking care of Cleo??????

So now we continue the anxious dance of waiting, running for the phone to see if it's the adoption agency, checking email like crazy for the same reason, packing and tying up loose ends. This is also an excellent time to focus on Max and enjoy the precious time remaining that we have with him as His Royal Majesty before he gets dethroned. I pray for a gentle dethroning.

And a big, hearty thank you to all of our family and friends who have supported us, comforted us and love us as we plod along on uncharted territory. Your love, enthusiasm and friendship fuel our patience and drive. Merci une mille fois.

The Perfect Mother's Day Gift

2007-05-18T00:16:00.000-04:00

My goodness. I just checked our blog and noticed I haven't written in nearly a month. Time sure does fly when you're waiting!

Anyway, we have good news to report! Tom and I are the proud parents of a 2 month old daughter! I can't believe it. I've been wanting a baby girl for as long as I can remember and am so happy!

We got THE phone call from the adoption agency on Tuesday night- two days after Mother's Day - saying to check our email because we had our referral. I was in Rehoboth Beach for a mini-retreat and Tom and Max were at Linda's house having dinner. I called Tom immediately on the cell phone and suggested that we each get in front of a computer so that we could open the email together and see our daughter at the same time. After some fumbling around with different computers, we were finally in sync, so I thought, to open at just the right moment when Tom's opened immediately and mine took 2 minutes to dowload. Harumph!

When Max heard the good news, he said "I'm just so happy and I cannot talk." Seems like that's how we all feel as we digest this long awaited milestone in our journey. It's sort of like, okay, great. Now what? Well, in the world of international adoption, the answer is easy: more paperwork and more checks. And the adopton agency predicts we will travel within the next 2 to 3 months for our Giving and Receiving Ceremony in Vietnam. So we wait on pins and needles.

Anyway, our daughter is a cutie pie - big brown eyes and brown hair. Oddly enough, she looks quite similar to Max when he was a wee infant. Huge chunky cheeks. I used to call Max "Chunky Monkey" but I think Gopala may be earning that term of endearment. Ironically, the person she looks like the most is my late Uncle Pin, a former professor at the Univ. of Pennsylvania. She has his round head and lack of hair even though there's no relation. I wonder if she can make popping sounds like he did when he would pluck his fingers in his cheek.

In the photos we were sent of her - the same ones we're not quite ready to share with the world yet - she is sporting a long-sleeved pink tee shirt with a photo of a rather generic-looking super hero on it. It says in English "Supe Man - 25th anniversary." I guess they didn't realize that the "R" fell off.

Her medical records look good to us. Of course, because we're not physicians, we're having our pediatrician look them over as well as consulting with a pediatrician who specializes in international adoption. As Leslee from Catholic Charities says, she recommends that with any country other than Korea.

Gopala's slightly anemic and covered in scabies which just breaks our hearts. But both problems are easily remedied with appropriate treatment and iron-fortified formula. I just wish the orphanage would treat the children for the scabies. Knowing that these little defenseless babies who have already gone through so much in their short lives have to suffer some completely unnecessary and treatable sickness makes me really bummed out and sad.. (Can you tell I'm trying to be polite for diplomatic reasons?) Tom and I want to go to Vietnam yesterday (not a typo) to get our daughter out of the orphanage and spend the summer living in a hotel in Hanoi til the paperwork gets done but that's not part of the process and we bow to that with gratitude. (Diplomacy again.) And once again, I'm reminded of just how little control - if any - we have over this entire process.

Gopala, as Max still insists on calling her and what we call her til we figure out her new name, lives in an orphanage in Thai Nguyen which is reportedly a 2 hour drive north of Hanoi. It's a university city of about a million people and many of the babies in the orphanage are believed to come from the college students. Gopala was abandoned and found at the clinic several days after her birth on March 13, 2007 which is the closest thing we will have to knowing her birthday. We have no history on her birth or birthparents at all. That to makes me sad and again the mother's instinct wants to rush over to Vietnam to protect her and love her, sheltering her from any more harm or misfortune in her lives. Unrealistic I know but that's what's going on in my heart and my head.

While it seems like we've been waiting forever, really, considering that we had our homestudy completed in Jan. we really are chugging right along. I've become rather addicted to reading other adoptive parent's blogs and I'm amazed at how slow the process is for some. I'm also surprised at the number of people who were intitially planning to adopt from China and had been waiting already a year or two - and have switched to Vietnam. Anyway, dear family and friends, it's late and I'm going to bed. While I dream of being with our new baby, I have to be up early in the morning to host playgroup for my existing baby who turns 4 next Wednesday. I'll write more when I have more news to write.

Happy parents waiting, waiting, waiting

2007-04-14T23:19:00.000-04:00

No news is good news?

2007-04-14T22:41:00.000-04:00

Word has it from our adoption agency that we should be getting a referral any week now for our baby!!! We are very excited. Max is especially happy and concerned about the fact that the baby will be sleeping upstairs even though she won't be able to walk up and down the stairs yet. "I'm going to have to teach her," says a proud big brother. (He seems to know a lot more about "her" than we do but we're going with his intuition.)

I am excited as we creep along closer and closer to making our expanded family a reality but I notice I'm still holding my breath. I will breathe easier once we have a referral and our pediatrician gives us the green light that all looks good. I will breathe easier when we get our travel date for the very important Giving and Receiving Ceremony in Vietnam. I will breathe easier when our new baby passes the mandatory medical exam and I will breathe easier when the U.S. Embassy in Hanoi approves our adoption and a visa for Baby Gopala.

I pray I will breathe with ease when we board our flight home to Maryland but chances are, with a toddler and an infant in tow, that may be far-fetched. In fact, we're about to become parents of not one but TWO kids. From what I see of my friends around me with more than one child, there's no easy breathing except, if you're lucky, in a 45 minute yoga class and you're lucky to get that! I know, I know. What you get instead is also very enriching.

So, the bottom line is we don't know anything really. The adoption agency is saying our paperwork is being translated in Vietnam as I write, and in adoption speak, that is DTV (or dossier to Vietnam). The agency is imminently awaitng a new group of children to be matched with famlies and, at this time, doesn't seem to think there will be a waiting list. There was a chance of that as many families orginally adopting from China have jumped over to this Vietnam program because it's so fast.

From what I can gather from reading blogs and joining the Yahoo Vietnam Travel Talk group, we are doing just great. Some people have been waiting 6 months or more - even close to a year - for a referral though they are with different agencies. We seem to be moving right along which is why we intentionally signed up with World Child. But again, we don't know anything. My information comes from brief snippets in conversations that I try to piece together and incorporate in the bigger picture of how things work based on researching the many blogs and talking to others who go before us.

Like the first step of the famous Twelve Steps, we are completely powerless over this situation. The quicker we turn control over to our Higher Power (or the adoption agency, the various governments etc.) the more graceful this journey will be. We are at the mercy of the adoption agencies, the U.S. government and the Vietnamese goverment on all levels. What they say, by and large, goes. So, we can predict with accuracy what has already happened but cannot say with any degree of certainty what lies ahead. There are so many unknowns, so many variables, and so many possiblities. We pray we come out of this exercise, a meditation of sorts, with a happy, healthy and bright infant.

Did you know, for example, that it's not uncommon for the adoptive parents to meet the birth parents or birth grandparents at the highly emotional Giving and Receiving Ceremony?? That would be absolutely unheard of and nearly impossible in Korea. It doesn't always happen but it does happen. In fact, the family I've been following religiously in their blog lately (http://lucmaisie.blogspot.com) had such an experience. While it is scary, the opportunity to meet our new baby's family is incredible and one we bow to with honor and gratitude. I haven't heard anything about lasting relationships being formed (this whole program is so new) but to even be able to give our child a photograph and share the story - however small - of how we met is an unbelievable gift to anyone who doesn't know their birth parents. (Believe me, I know this from experience.)

So, now we wait. And wait. And wait. There's no shortage of things to do before the delicate balance of our contented nuclear family gets predictably knocked off kilter only to re-balance and right itself again. I read through these adoption blogs and people are so excited about becoming parents that they've had their nurseries set up and decorated a year before they even get their referral. That is blind faith and I admire them. Knowing us, Tom will be putting the crib together the night before we leave for Vietnam, probably mumbling something about "Can't this wait til we get home?" I suppose part of that can be attributed to the fact that this is Baby #2 and the vibe is more mellow than when Max arrived. Not because we aren't excited. It just seems like the time to be excited hasn't struck yet.

And while we wait, we are getting totally pumped up to hit the road again. We love to travel and the promise of going to Southeast Asia once again fills our travel-hungry souls with excitement. The smell of adventure and the unknown is just around the corner and we are psyched!

How the adoption world has changed

2007-04-01T20:35:00.000-04:00

since we adopted Max nearly four years ago. It's a whole new world out there and I hope I'm not constantly comparing the differences between the two processes (and even worse the children). What strikes me right now is the opportunity to connect with other people all around the world doing exactly the same thing. Before, due to the nature of living in a small town and community, our only real mentors were the Mufsons who had adopted two children from Korea. (We even had the same social worker from the same adoption agency.)

But now, several years later, despite living in a relatively rural area, we are able to instantly connect with anyone willing to make a connection and share their story. Thanks to the number of blogs people have documented about their adoption journeys (and I'm just talking Vietnamese adoptions - no doubt there are blogs for every country and every subject thinkable!), Tom and I are able to learn about what lies ahead of us in the next few months. And then there is the Yahoo Vietnam Travel Group which I just signed up for, yet another virtual community of people who are adopting in Vietnam. It's blows my mind and I am grateful for the fellowship. Indeed, we are not alone. Way cool and a little scary. Must go put Max to bed.

The Christmas cards that didn't get sent out

2007-04-01T01:24:00.000-04:00

Waiting for a referral

2007-03-31T23:18:00.000-04:00

Well, dear family and friends, I've been so impressed with reading "the blogs" from others who, as I type this very minute, are in the process of adopting from Vietnam - or who have recently returned from Vietnam with their new baby(ies) in hand - that I have been inspired to follow suit with our story. Which is, in fact, just starting to unravel. I do this as our self-appointed family historian to document our story and to keep our web of wonderful family and friends updated. (Considering I never completed sending Christmas cards out this year - featuring the cutest photo ever of Max - the convenience of writing a blog and the possibility of connecting with so many with the least amount of effort possible, I couldn't resist the opportunity!)

In addition, I am hopeful that perhaps these entries might be of some use to other families planning to adopt from Vietnam, now and in the future, in the spirit of continuing the amazing, lightning speed spread of the most current and up-to-date information available. I don't have too much to report or say right now but hopefully in the coming months I will be writing many missives about our upcoming journey to the Far East.

As you probably already know, Tom and I are full swing in the process of adopting a healthy infant from Vietnam. If you didn't know, I am sorry you are learning about it first on our blog but we did want you to know. Where we last left off with Catholic Charities in Baltimore over a year ago, we were able to pick up with ease and grace to begin our relationship with World Child International, an agency based in Rockville, Maryland. We would have loved to have stayed with Catholic Charities, with whom we adopted our beloved three and a half year old son Max from Korea, but unfortunately, Catholic Charities does not, at this time, do adoptions in Vietnam. (There's been a moratorium on adoptions in Vietnam for years and this new opportunity to adopt there is only six months old.) Leslee, our beloved social worker and adoption angel from Catholic Charities, says we are pioneers which I suppose is true considering Holt has been handling Korean adoptions for over 30 years.

By the way, this is merely a segue but I just want to add for the record that the old adage of "you don't know a good thing til it's gone" is so true in regard to our relationship with Catholic Charities. They are a first class adoption agency and I had no idea how well they had prepared us for adoption issues in general and our adoption with Max in particular until we switched agencies. They fully, honestly and clearly prepared us for every single step of that journey from beginning to end and I imagine our relationship with CC will be lifelong. This is not to diss WC at all! We just haven't been with WC long enough to compare yet but I do miss our buddies at CC after years of traveling back and forth to their office in Baltimore for yet another adoption workshop or interview.

On another note, you may be asking why are we adopting now from Vietnam? Well, believe it or not, we actually stumbled on this possibility months before Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt made international news by adopting their third adoptive child (which just happened in Vietnam last week). Over the New Year, both the Korean and Chinese governments made drastic changes in their international adoption policies. Not to mention that there are waiting lists for both countries and the process - especially the waiting time - has grown from months to years in just a short time. At age 42, I am no spring chicken, my hair gets greyer by the day and the thought of waiting a few years for a baby was not appealing. Plus, truth be known, for reasons unknown to me, we (ok, well me) had our hearts set on a healthy girl and, frankly, the younger the better. Not to mention that Max, on his own accord, has been talking about getting a sister for the past year. (Sometimes I think he knows things we do not.) We've been told that it's tough to adopt girls in Korea because Koreans adopting nationally prefer girls to boys, with hopes that one day they might be able to procreate and when that day happens, their desire more often than not is for a boy to carry on the family lineage.

When we learned about the possibility of Vietnam (thanks to friends in Easton who had just adopted a beautiful Vietnamese baby girl over Christmas) our hopes for expanding our family and giving Max a sibling were heightened. Hearing that not only does the process move very fast through this particular agency, but that it is possible to adopt girls and there were few, if any, waiting lists, we decided to do a little research. Sure enough, everything we had heard was confirmed by Sheryl Goolsby who is the executive director of World Child International. Why so fast? Why such quick referrals (in comparison with other countries and even other agencies)? According to Sheryl, World Child is the only American adoption agency that has access to two regions in northern Vietnam. So as we speak, it's an untapped source though I imagine as word gets out, it won't always be that way. Bottom line: in the present moment, adopting a baby from Vietnam suits our family's needs the best. We want a baby and our baby needs a family and a home and this option feels like a great match.

In a nutshell, we are at this very moment awaiting a referral for a healthy infant baby girl. The first few mountains of paperwork are finished, at least on our end. We were grateful Leslee was able to do our homestudy and that was submitted in early February. Then we got approval from Homeland Security to adopt a baby (or, really, immigrate an orphan to the U.S. if you want to be technical). After that, I ran around completing our dossier on a seemingly unnecessary wild goose chase of certifying the authenticity of our paperwork. (Just about every document had to be notarized, then certified by the Talbot County clerks office, then given a state seal from the Maryland Secretary of State and then to the Vietnam Consulate in San Franscisco for authentication. We believe the dossier is now on it's way to Vietnam for translation, approval and a referral. We're keeping our fingers and toes crossed.

Our prayers are for a healthy young baby - hopefully around four months old - an age which I have stuck in my head for no rational reason except that Max was four months old when we adopted him. In fact, Sheryl told me on Friday that she hopes to have a referral for us within the next week or two. Holy shit! Pardon my French but I don't know what else to say. The butterflies are zooming around in my tummy and our hearts collectively missed a few beats after we heard that. Sheryl predicts that we could be traveling to Vietnam in about three months. THAT SAID, it is also important to add that NOTHING is set in stone at this point. Things change all the time in the adoption world, rather like weather patterns. Our friends Andrea and Scott, who adopted Maxine over Christmas, were moved along much faster than they anticipated. They were quick to travel with little warning but then had to wait for weeks in Hanoi for the US Embassy to give their daughter a visa to travel home. Things happen fast and then things slow down with little reason or predictability. The best thing we can do now is buckle up our seat belts, pray for the best and highest good and flow with the ride into the unknown. (Please remind us of that mantra when things slow down or we are impatient waiting, waiting, waiting without knowing why.) It's also important to keep the big picture in mind. If all goes well, we're going to have a baby!!!

Adopting Dumpling #2 (or "Gopala" as Max calls her) is a way different process than how we adopted Max. Oh, the bureaucratic dance, fingerprints, butt sniffing, invasive questioning (the adoption agencies know way more about us than our mothers do!) and piles of paperwork are very similar. What's radically different is that when we adopted Max, we had the benefit of collecting him at Dulles Airport (on Sept. 29, 2003 by the way!). We didn't have to go to Korea. The process of adopting a Korean child is so smooth and has been done for so long now, that the children are escorted to America. Of course, parents pining to make that 25-hour flight to Seoul to pick up their child can but back then, Tom and I thought the better rested and grounded we were, the better parents we would be to welcome Max in our lives. But now, with this adoption, it won't be as simple as driving to the airport with an empty car seat and then returning home a few hours later with our baby.

While only one of us has to travel, Tom and I are both very excited about traveling to Vietnam to meet and collect our baby. No doubt it's going to be tough and arduous at times (I'm dreading the flights!), it's also going to be one of those moments forever etched in our hearts and memories. Plus, I hear the shopping is fantastic! Not the least bit surprsing, our Sagittarian passion for traveling and adventure has been rekindled. And of course, we plan to bring Max with us. With a May birthday, he should be four by then and hopefully will remember some of this incredible trip. Max has proven himself to be an excellent traveler over the years, better than Tom and I put together, and makes a fabulous addition to our peregrinating lifestyle. Also, Leslee said that Max witnessing his sibling's adoption will help him understand his own process a little better even though the circumstances are different. He's running around telling people that "we got approval" and are going to Vietnam. When we are in the grocery store, he insists on stopping in the baby aisle to pick up something for his "sister." I keep telling him he might get a brother but he presciently insists the baby is going to be a sister.

Sheryl said she will "try" to give us two weeks notice before we travel but those dates are susceptible to change. We're supposed to buy an open-ended ticket for the return b/c no firm date is set. They say it usually takes about 2 to 3 weeks for the adoption process to go through while in the country but Andrea and Scott were there for over four weeks (in part due to the Christmas holidays and the US Embassy being closed.) Unlike Russia or Eastern Europe, we only have to make one trip. On a practical note, this is making life somewhat challenging for us in refernce to logistics. Signing Max up for summer camps, planning our annual August pilgrimage to Fishers Island, booking photography assignments, among other things, are darned near impossible to do while we wait to wait.

From what I've heard and what I've read in the blogs that come before mine (thank you, thank you avalinh and lucmaisie!!), a lot of time is spent in the hotel rooms waiting for phone calls, interviews and appointments. The agency has families go in batches so when we travel, we will probably be with four or five other WC families from around the country doing the same thing we are. And, Andrea told me that in addition to the WC families adopting babies, it's easy to meet other famlies staying in the hotels who are also adopting but through different agencies. Sounds like quite a network. It also sounds like the adoption agency is on the ball about planning excursions around the area during that waiting time which excites us. We're keeping our fingers crossed that we might have time to go to nearby Cambodia to see Angkor Wat before we are supposed to be in Vietnam. We shall see what the universe has in store for us.

While I don't really know what to expect, based on my research and understanding, shortly after arrival in Vietnam - like a day or two or three - parents usually get their babies and the babies stay with them for the rest of the trip. There's an official Giving and Receiving Ceremony which is very important, applying for the baby's Vietnamese passport, medical check ups, and then two interviews and applying for a visa from the US Embassy before heading back home. Lots of bureaucracy and red tape, hopefully mixed in with a healthy immersion into Vietnamese culture, food, history and, of course, shopping.

Before I sign off on my virgin blog, which has run so much longer than I thought possible, I wanted to explain the name of our blog site. Who is Gopala? In short, Gopala is the baby name for the Hindu God Krishna. He is also the subject of a wonderful Sanskrit chant that we listen to frequently. It's a chant that Max has picked up and has fast become his favorite song. When Tom asked him a few weeks ago what he wanted to name his brother or sister, Max quickly answered Gopala. He has stuck with that name ever since. Now, we the parents have no idea what we are going to name our baby and, like we did with Max, will decide when we see her or him. (We've got a few ideas floating around but nothing final). But in the meantime, we call this lovely soul who is being born in our hearts "Gopala." And after you read the translation of the chant below, you might understand why.

The chant is very simple and goes like this "Gopala, Gopala, Devaki Nandana Gopala." Max's godfather, Sean Johnson, a yoga teacher who is quick becoming a renowned kirtan wallah, sings this as well as Krishna Das.

Robert Gass, who also has a fabulous version of this chant on his new CD, Kirtana, says this about Gopala: "Gopala is a name for the baby Krishna, Devika was his mother and Nanda his father. This chant praises and invokes love and unity represented by this divine family."

So, dear ones, please send your prayers, good energy and vibes our way and to our soon-to-be baby's way as we invoke the spirit of love and unity within our growing family.