Just noticed that I haven't written since my sister Annie's birthday on May 27th. Not much news to write. I confess I got caught up with the swing of summer and temporary amnesia about summer vacation. It's a rather misleading term because who is the vacation for? For the teachers and the kids, NOT the parents.
So I've been full-time on Max duty, enjoying our time together (I think he's part fish he loves swimming so much) and also feeling like I never really get anything accomplished. I'm not sure where the days go but little things like laundry, paying the bills, writing thank you notes, filing taxes, and grocery shopping become Herculean tasks.
Anyway, after months of worrying and not knowing WHEN we travel to Vietnam, the good news is that on Thursday, we got THE CALL. The phone call many of my fellow adoptive parents in cyberspace are eagerly awaiting. We were told that we need to be in Hanoi on July 7th or 8th and that the famous Giving and Receiving ceremony will be July 9th. Holy cow! It's really happening. The McCalls are dancing in the streets.
We've really got to get things moving forward in first gear now. We don't have a whole lot of notice, as you can see, and the frenetic scramble has begun. I thought we'd be accomplishing a lot if we at least got our visas to the Vietnamese Consulate in the mail on Thursday but even a seemingly simple task like that took longer than necessary. Our dance with bureaucracy continues.
Our contact at the adoption agency didn't know what the visa fee was and when he referred me to someone else in the office, that person "thought" it was $45. We couldn't get through to the embassy in D.C. or the consulate in San Francisco to find out what the fees were - funky phone lines I suppose. But we sent tthe applications and our passports anyway, with certified checks for $45 for each of us. Then on Friday, when I finally got a call through to the embassy, a polite young woman said the fees were $65 each for rush processing. So, off Tom went again to the post office to get the money order and overnight the additional money to the embassy. As soon as he did that, I got an email from the consulate saying the fees are now $85. So, we'll do it all over again tomorrow I suppose. At least that's in the works with the intention of moving forward.
Then I've been emailing all weekend long with Todd Gallinek, a travel agent, who has a fabulous reputation amongst the adoptive parent crowd for finding excellent airfares and itineraries. We've been emailing and talking all weekend long trying to put this huge piece of the puzzle in place. It's tricky business and my hats go off to Todd for 1) finding seats for us at the last minute and b) airfares that aren't going to send us to the bank of a second mortgage. The good news is that there are some seats available even at the last minute. The bad news is we're looking at a very long flight. The travel time from door to door will probably be about 25 hours and cross quite a few time lines.
Korean Airlines is out. No seats available and no oppty. to stop there and show Max his native country. That will be another trip for another time. (I had thought maybe we could make a quick trip into to Seoul and meet his foster mother who took care of him for the first four months of his life.) That will be another journey in the future.
Right now, we're looking into the possibility of leaving a few days earlier than required so that we can go to Angkor Wat in Cambodia. It's so close it just keeps calling me to visit. There's talk of flying to JFK, then hopping on a Thai Airways airbus and flying non-stop for 17 hours to Bangkok. Then hopping over to Siem Reap and then to Hanoi in time to pick up our baby daughter. Todd is even looking into possible upgrades (like premium economy or business class) that won't cost us an arm and a leg. I'm all about traveling in comfort. Somehow, this journey is so different than the days when I traveled by bus from Varanasi, India to Kathmandu, Nepal for $8 one way. Times have changed, especially when there's a preschooler and an infant in tow. Adventure, yes. Bed bugs, no.
By the way, we just got new photos of Gopala and she looks just precious. Much of her scabies and/or fungus has cleared up and in the new photos she's smiling and has a beautiful twinkle in her eye. When Max saw the new photos he said, "she just can't wait to come live with us!" Tom and I were so excited on Thursday when we got the news of the travel date. It seems to have come very fast and the timing is perfect. Tom doesn't have any assignments in July or August so our schedule is very flexible. We may end up in Vietnam for 2 weeks or one month depending on how the paperwork processing goes. If it happens sooner rather than later, we may even get to go to Fishers Island this summer which has been a part of our annual summer pilgrimage. Yippee.
Back to the travel stuff, we couldn't do any of this planning stuff until we got the travel date. So now all these big pieces have to come together and they have to come together fast. Immunizations, hotel reservations, plane tix, packing, gift buying for officials, finding someone to water the garden while we're away etc. etc. We've got about a week to do it all and occasionally I get so stressed out that I feel paralyzed and can't do anything.
Here's a sampling of our very sexy to-do list before leaving for Hanoi:
•get plane tix
•get visas to Vietnam
•make hotel reservations for Hanoi
•have pre-trip travel conference with adoption agency
•take deep breathes often
•pack for baby
•pack for Max
•pack for Tom and Sam - with monsoon weather in mind
•get shots like hepatitis A, tetanus boosters etc.
•take cat to spa
•co-host kimberly's baby shower
•skip my baby shower which was scheduled for july 12th but has since been cancelled due to imminent travel plans
•add baby to health insurance plan
•buy travel insurance
•get lots of cash
•take more deep breathes
•get gifts for Vietnamese officials and orphanage caretakers
•pray, ask for help, accept help when offered, keep the faith
•have fun - it's a once in a lifetime adventure
So there it is folks. A brief update in our simple lives which are about to change immensely. Am so excited to finally meet our daughter and am thrilled beyond words that this process has gone so fast and that we are able to adopt a little baby. She's almost four months old - same as Max when we adopted him.
The crib is up, the baby's room is nearly ready but certainly adequate to move in to now and the only big thing left is agreeing on a name. We've got a long flight to figure that one out... Today my Mom suggested "Polly" which would be short for Gopala. That could work. Still leaning towards naming her after our cat Lily...
Sunday, June 24, 2007
Sunday, May 27, 2007
Thumbs up from the docs
Good news! We've taken another small step forward on our journey to become parents of a beautiful Vietnamese baby girl. After receiving our daughter's referral from the adoption agency, Tom and I had a consultation with our local pediatrician who reviewed her medical records and based on what limited information we have, all looks good health-wise. Of course, it's so hard to know. We have no information whatsoever from her birth parents because she was abandoned so we're really starting with a blank slate.
I also asked a pediatrician specializing in international adoption at Johns Hopkins Hospital to review the records. She, too, had a positive review, again judging only by the small amount of information we have on her from her medical check-up and photos that were emailed to us. I liked the Hopkins pediatrician who said she would be available to us - as did our pediatrician here in Easton - while we are in Vietnam in case we had any medical questions. Dr. Deborah Schwengel couldn't have been nicer and offered to write prescriptions for a travel medical kit for our family. We adore our pediatrician here AND I have to say there's something reassuring about also connecting with a doctor whose specialty is international adoption and deals with these issues every day. And once again, I bow to the doctors at Johns Hopkins who, in my experience, have been the most approachable medical professionals I've ever met.
Anyway, having a second medical opinion is something we did not do with Max when we adopted him from Korea nearly four years ago! The Korean medical system is on par with ours and the medical records are reliable and trustworthy unlike most other countries, Vietnam included. So we've done as much as we can on that part and of course will be accepting the referral. Inching closer and closer to welcoming another soul in our family constellation.
I spoke to the director of the adoption agency on Friday and she said the wait to travel is about two to three months. Because we're among the first wave of families to be affected by the recent adoption changes in March, predicting our travel date is anyone's guess. She did say, however, that once we get THE PHONE CALL for travel, we will probably have about a week's notice before we actually have to be on a plane and flying to Hanoi. Holy shit! That's not much time to get visas, last minute plane tickets, hotel reservations etc. Not to mention holding the newspaper and mail, finding someone to keep my garden alive and watered while I'm gone, a housesitter, cat to the "kitty" spa, and so on. I've got my fingers and toes crossed that the timing coincides when Tom can be there for the entire time (in other words, not when he has a photography assignment that can't be changed) and Tom's hoping that he can make it to both Police concerts (Madison Square Garden and Hershey Park) on their reunion tour. Men?!
So, in case you want to know what I'll be doing for the next few weeks, more than likely you will find me packing for three people (moi and TWO kids) and trying to get the baby's room organized. Not to mention the list of a zillion projects I've had on my "to-do" list for months. (I've finally let go of the notion of sending thank you notes to everyone for Christmas presents. Consider this our big thank you, universe!) And then there's the matter of buying gifts for the Vietnam coordinators, the orphanage director and the baby's caregivers - a tradition we are encouraged to take part in. I wonder what Angelina Jolie gave them? Maybe I will email her for ideas...
A lot of people have asked me if we can just go to Vietnam now to pick up the baby and wait in Hanoi til the paperwork is completed. How we wish we could do that but that's not how the process works unfortunately as we were completely prepared to spend the summer in Hanoi if we had to. Others have asked us what are we waiting for? In short, to answer a very good question that I'm rather vague on myself, the proverbial ball is currently in the Vietnamese government's court. After various paperwork gets passed around and approved in various departments from the provinces to Hanoi and HCMC and then back again, we (as in prospective adoptive parents) are issued a Giving and Receiving date. This is the next big hurdle that we need to jump through. The G&R, as many call it, is a very big deal. It's officially when the government of Vietnam gives the baby to us, gifts are exchanged and sometimes (though regrettably not in our situation) there are introductions to the birth parents and/or birth families. The ceremony is with government officials in the province where the orphanage is (in our case in Thai Nguyen) and then the baby is ours to keep. Sort of like going to the hospital, having labor and leaving a day or so later with a baby in your arms. Or, like our experience with Max, taking a casual drive to Dulles Airport with an empty car seat and an hour later heading home with our 4-month-old son. All three of our lives forever changed, forever blessed and forever connected.
By the way, I don't know if you, dear readers, are really interested in all of this but more than likely we will be with a group of fellow adoptive parents who are also adopting babies from the same orphanage. It is said that we will get to know these families very well during our stay in Hanoi and that lots of bonding and lifelong connections are formed here. Though we arrive as strangers, we leave as a family, connected by the mutual experiences of one of life's hallmark events coupled with the existential challenge of coping in a foreign land. Perhaps the collective global journeys Tom and I have taken over the years will help facilitate this momentous opportunity and experience with grace and ease. Not sure I would have had the confidence and courage to take my 4-year-old son to Asia AND adopt said 4-year-old's sibling without those rich experiences. Plus, both Sagittarians, Tom and I know we are at our very best in relationship when we are on the road together and this journey could not be for a more meaningful reason. (There's even mumbling of us going to Southeast Asia early to explore Cambodia, Laos and Vietnam for a wee bit before we are scheduled to adopt our baby. This small mustard seed of an idea is growing bigger everyday.)
My apologies for digressing. Back to the topic at hand. Assuming dear reader that you are remotely curious about what's next in the adoption process, I am going to note the highlights of what is believed to follow. ( I could be wrong, way off, whatever and I take no accountability for the accurateness of what follows b/c this is all so new to us and we are merely pioneers in a new program. Hamsters in a cage.) Of course, I would encourage you to keep checking in on the blog because only what is written in past tense will be true.
Hence, we now await, on pins and needles, for our travel date (a.k.a. Giving and Receiving ceremony date) While we've been told the wait is 2 to 3 months, it could come earlier as it did for our friends Andrea and Scott or it could come later. Regardless, we are ready and await the next step. Then, once we travel to Vietnam, it seems that adoptive families are typically given the babies very soon after arrival. Like the G&R could even be the day or two after arriva!!! (For the record, by the way, because our baby is in an orphanage in northern Vietnam, we will be based in Hanoi. Adoptions agencies have connections with orphanages throughout the country but we already know we're in the north.) In other cases, the ceremony could be rescheduled, delayed, etc. which usually means a lot of waiting for phone calls of what's next.
I've also read this is an excellent time to shop which of course, I look forward to with the greatest of pleasures! After the formal ceremony, the baby is ours. The next hurdle is mostly with the U.S. government and getting authorization to "import an orphan from a foreign country." There's a great deal of scrutiny on America's part b/c of Vietnam's past history with baby smuggling etc. so, as a result, there are two official interviews at the US Embassy punctuated in the middle with another medical check-up at the SOS clinic in Hanoi. Also while hanging out in Hanoi, we have to apply to the Vietnamese for a passport for the baby to travel. There are, mercifully, agency coordinators to help us walk through the maze of family making. Said maze could take a week or two to complete, depending on how busy they are, holidays (American and Vietnamese), the Gods, the stars etc. None of it is in our hands and it seems that as long as we do the required monkey dance, we should leave Vietnam with our baby daughter in less than a month. So, that's it in a nutshell. Confused? Yeah, me too.
To say we are excited is an understatement. I do believe I was in shock for the entire first week since our referral came. Although I've been waiting my whole lifetime, or so it seems, for a daughter, the reality of it took some time to sink in. I'm still trying to be reserved and not get my hopes up because a million things could happen between now and then to disrupt our plans. I'm not dwelling on those possibilities and am trying to keep my focus on the positive but I fear getting overly excited and then being disappointed. It's an awkward tightrope to walk. I guess if I have to err in any one direction, I might as well keep my heart open and err in love.
Tom's thrilled and seems to talk about it more than me. He keeps telling everyone we're going in July which is just a different way of interpreting "two to three months." Max kisses his sister's photo at night and then kisses his new goldfish Cleo (his favorite birthday present. My Mom hit a bulls eye with that $1.50 present!) And guess who has the privilege of taking care of Cleo??????
So now we continue the anxious dance of waiting, running for the phone to see if it's the adoption agency, checking email like crazy for the same reason, packing and tying up loose ends. This is also an excellent time to focus on Max and enjoy the precious time remaining that we have with him as His Royal Majesty before he gets dethroned. I pray for a gentle dethroning.
And a big, hearty thank you to all of our family and friends who have supported us, comforted us and love us as we plod along on uncharted territory. Your love, enthusiasm and friendship fuel our patience and drive. Merci une mille fois.
I also asked a pediatrician specializing in international adoption at Johns Hopkins Hospital to review the records. She, too, had a positive review, again judging only by the small amount of information we have on her from her medical check-up and photos that were emailed to us. I liked the Hopkins pediatrician who said she would be available to us - as did our pediatrician here in Easton - while we are in Vietnam in case we had any medical questions. Dr. Deborah Schwengel couldn't have been nicer and offered to write prescriptions for a travel medical kit for our family. We adore our pediatrician here AND I have to say there's something reassuring about also connecting with a doctor whose specialty is international adoption and deals with these issues every day. And once again, I bow to the doctors at Johns Hopkins who, in my experience, have been the most approachable medical professionals I've ever met.
Anyway, having a second medical opinion is something we did not do with Max when we adopted him from Korea nearly four years ago! The Korean medical system is on par with ours and the medical records are reliable and trustworthy unlike most other countries, Vietnam included. So we've done as much as we can on that part and of course will be accepting the referral. Inching closer and closer to welcoming another soul in our family constellation.
I spoke to the director of the adoption agency on Friday and she said the wait to travel is about two to three months. Because we're among the first wave of families to be affected by the recent adoption changes in March, predicting our travel date is anyone's guess. She did say, however, that once we get THE PHONE CALL for travel, we will probably have about a week's notice before we actually have to be on a plane and flying to Hanoi. Holy shit! That's not much time to get visas, last minute plane tickets, hotel reservations etc. Not to mention holding the newspaper and mail, finding someone to keep my garden alive and watered while I'm gone, a housesitter, cat to the "kitty" spa, and so on. I've got my fingers and toes crossed that the timing coincides when Tom can be there for the entire time (in other words, not when he has a photography assignment that can't be changed) and Tom's hoping that he can make it to both Police concerts (Madison Square Garden and Hershey Park) on their reunion tour. Men?!
So, in case you want to know what I'll be doing for the next few weeks, more than likely you will find me packing for three people (moi and TWO kids) and trying to get the baby's room organized. Not to mention the list of a zillion projects I've had on my "to-do" list for months. (I've finally let go of the notion of sending thank you notes to everyone for Christmas presents. Consider this our big thank you, universe!) And then there's the matter of buying gifts for the Vietnam coordinators, the orphanage director and the baby's caregivers - a tradition we are encouraged to take part in. I wonder what Angelina Jolie gave them? Maybe I will email her for ideas...
A lot of people have asked me if we can just go to Vietnam now to pick up the baby and wait in Hanoi til the paperwork is completed. How we wish we could do that but that's not how the process works unfortunately as we were completely prepared to spend the summer in Hanoi if we had to. Others have asked us what are we waiting for? In short, to answer a very good question that I'm rather vague on myself, the proverbial ball is currently in the Vietnamese government's court. After various paperwork gets passed around and approved in various departments from the provinces to Hanoi and HCMC and then back again, we (as in prospective adoptive parents) are issued a Giving and Receiving date. This is the next big hurdle that we need to jump through. The G&R, as many call it, is a very big deal. It's officially when the government of Vietnam gives the baby to us, gifts are exchanged and sometimes (though regrettably not in our situation) there are introductions to the birth parents and/or birth families. The ceremony is with government officials in the province where the orphanage is (in our case in Thai Nguyen) and then the baby is ours to keep. Sort of like going to the hospital, having labor and leaving a day or so later with a baby in your arms. Or, like our experience with Max, taking a casual drive to Dulles Airport with an empty car seat and an hour later heading home with our 4-month-old son. All three of our lives forever changed, forever blessed and forever connected.
By the way, I don't know if you, dear readers, are really interested in all of this but more than likely we will be with a group of fellow adoptive parents who are also adopting babies from the same orphanage. It is said that we will get to know these families very well during our stay in Hanoi and that lots of bonding and lifelong connections are formed here. Though we arrive as strangers, we leave as a family, connected by the mutual experiences of one of life's hallmark events coupled with the existential challenge of coping in a foreign land. Perhaps the collective global journeys Tom and I have taken over the years will help facilitate this momentous opportunity and experience with grace and ease. Not sure I would have had the confidence and courage to take my 4-year-old son to Asia AND adopt said 4-year-old's sibling without those rich experiences. Plus, both Sagittarians, Tom and I know we are at our very best in relationship when we are on the road together and this journey could not be for a more meaningful reason. (There's even mumbling of us going to Southeast Asia early to explore Cambodia, Laos and Vietnam for a wee bit before we are scheduled to adopt our baby. This small mustard seed of an idea is growing bigger everyday.)
My apologies for digressing. Back to the topic at hand. Assuming dear reader that you are remotely curious about what's next in the adoption process, I am going to note the highlights of what is believed to follow. ( I could be wrong, way off, whatever and I take no accountability for the accurateness of what follows b/c this is all so new to us and we are merely pioneers in a new program. Hamsters in a cage.) Of course, I would encourage you to keep checking in on the blog because only what is written in past tense will be true.
Hence, we now await, on pins and needles, for our travel date (a.k.a. Giving and Receiving ceremony date) While we've been told the wait is 2 to 3 months, it could come earlier as it did for our friends Andrea and Scott or it could come later. Regardless, we are ready and await the next step. Then, once we travel to Vietnam, it seems that adoptive families are typically given the babies very soon after arrival. Like the G&R could even be the day or two after arriva!!! (For the record, by the way, because our baby is in an orphanage in northern Vietnam, we will be based in Hanoi. Adoptions agencies have connections with orphanages throughout the country but we already know we're in the north.) In other cases, the ceremony could be rescheduled, delayed, etc. which usually means a lot of waiting for phone calls of what's next.
I've also read this is an excellent time to shop which of course, I look forward to with the greatest of pleasures! After the formal ceremony, the baby is ours. The next hurdle is mostly with the U.S. government and getting authorization to "import an orphan from a foreign country." There's a great deal of scrutiny on America's part b/c of Vietnam's past history with baby smuggling etc. so, as a result, there are two official interviews at the US Embassy punctuated in the middle with another medical check-up at the SOS clinic in Hanoi. Also while hanging out in Hanoi, we have to apply to the Vietnamese for a passport for the baby to travel. There are, mercifully, agency coordinators to help us walk through the maze of family making. Said maze could take a week or two to complete, depending on how busy they are, holidays (American and Vietnamese), the Gods, the stars etc. None of it is in our hands and it seems that as long as we do the required monkey dance, we should leave Vietnam with our baby daughter in less than a month. So, that's it in a nutshell. Confused? Yeah, me too.
To say we are excited is an understatement. I do believe I was in shock for the entire first week since our referral came. Although I've been waiting my whole lifetime, or so it seems, for a daughter, the reality of it took some time to sink in. I'm still trying to be reserved and not get my hopes up because a million things could happen between now and then to disrupt our plans. I'm not dwelling on those possibilities and am trying to keep my focus on the positive but I fear getting overly excited and then being disappointed. It's an awkward tightrope to walk. I guess if I have to err in any one direction, I might as well keep my heart open and err in love.
Tom's thrilled and seems to talk about it more than me. He keeps telling everyone we're going in July which is just a different way of interpreting "two to three months." Max kisses his sister's photo at night and then kisses his new goldfish Cleo (his favorite birthday present. My Mom hit a bulls eye with that $1.50 present!) And guess who has the privilege of taking care of Cleo??????
So now we continue the anxious dance of waiting, running for the phone to see if it's the adoption agency, checking email like crazy for the same reason, packing and tying up loose ends. This is also an excellent time to focus on Max and enjoy the precious time remaining that we have with him as His Royal Majesty before he gets dethroned. I pray for a gentle dethroning.
And a big, hearty thank you to all of our family and friends who have supported us, comforted us and love us as we plod along on uncharted territory. Your love, enthusiasm and friendship fuel our patience and drive. Merci une mille fois.
Friday, May 18, 2007
The Perfect Mother's Day Gift
My goodness. I just checked our blog and noticed I haven't written in nearly a month. Time sure does fly when you're waiting!
Anyway, we have good news to report! Tom and I are the proud parents of a 2 month old daughter! I can't believe it. I've been wanting a baby girl for as long as I can remember and am so happy!
We got THE phone call from the adoption agency on Tuesday night- two days after Mother's Day - saying to check our email because we had our referral. I was in Rehoboth Beach for a mini-retreat and Tom and Max were at Linda's house having dinner. I called Tom immediately on the cell phone and suggested that we each get in front of a computer so that we could open the email together and see our daughter at the same time. After some fumbling around with different computers, we were finally in sync, so I thought, to open at just the right moment when Tom's opened immediately and mine took 2 minutes to dowload. Harumph!
When Max heard the good news, he said "I'm just so happy and I cannot talk." Seems like that's how we all feel as we digest this long awaited milestone in our journey. It's sort of like, okay, great. Now what? Well, in the world of international adoption, the answer is easy: more paperwork and more checks. And the adopton agency predicts we will travel within the next 2 to 3 months for our Giving and Receiving Ceremony in Vietnam. So we wait on pins and needles.
Anyway, our daughter is a cutie pie - big brown eyes and brown hair. Oddly enough, she looks quite similar to Max when he was a wee infant. Huge chunky cheeks. I used to call Max "Chunky Monkey" but I think Gopala may be earning that term of endearment. Ironically, the person she looks like the most is my late Uncle Pin, a former professor at the Univ. of Pennsylvania. She has his round head and lack of hair even though there's no relation. I wonder if she can make popping sounds like he did when he would pluck his fingers in his cheek.
In the photos we were sent of her - the same ones we're not quite ready to share with the world yet - she is sporting a long-sleeved pink tee shirt with a photo of a rather generic-looking super hero on it. It says in English "Supe Man - 25th anniversary." I guess they didn't realize that the "R" fell off.
Her medical records look good to us. Of course, because we're not physicians, we're having our pediatrician look them over as well as consulting with a pediatrician who specializes in international adoption. As Leslee from Catholic Charities says, she recommends that with any country other than Korea.
Gopala's slightly anemic and covered in scabies which just breaks our hearts. But both problems are easily remedied with appropriate treatment and iron-fortified formula. I just wish the orphanage would treat the children for the scabies. Knowing that these little defenseless babies who have already gone through so much in their short lives have to suffer some completely unnecessary and treatable sickness makes me really bummed out and sad.. (Can you tell I'm trying to be polite for diplomatic reasons?) Tom and I want to go to Vietnam yesterday (not a typo) to get our daughter out of the orphanage and spend the summer living in a hotel in Hanoi til the paperwork gets done but that's not part of the process and we bow to that with gratitude. (Diplomacy again.) And once again, I'm reminded of just how little control - if any - we have over this entire process.
Gopala, as Max still insists on calling her and what we call her til we figure out her new name, lives in an orphanage in Thai Nguyen which is reportedly a 2 hour drive north of Hanoi. It's a university city of about a million people and many of the babies in the orphanage are believed to come from the college students. Gopala was abandoned and found at the clinic several days after her birth on March 13, 2007 which is the closest thing we will have to knowing her birthday. We have no history on her birth or birthparents at all. That to makes me sad and again the mother's instinct wants to rush over to Vietnam to protect her and love her, sheltering her from any more harm or misfortune in her lives. Unrealistic I know but that's what's going on in my heart and my head.
While it seems like we've been waiting forever, really, considering that we had our homestudy completed in Jan. we really are chugging right along. I've become rather addicted to reading other adoptive parent's blogs and I'm amazed at how slow the process is for some. I'm also surprised at the number of people who were intitially planning to adopt from China and had been waiting already a year or two - and have switched to Vietnam. Anyway, dear family and friends, it's late and I'm going to bed. While I dream of being with our new baby, I have to be up early in the morning to host playgroup for my existing baby who turns 4 next Wednesday. I'll write more when I have more news to write.
Anyway, we have good news to report! Tom and I are the proud parents of a 2 month old daughter! I can't believe it. I've been wanting a baby girl for as long as I can remember and am so happy!
We got THE phone call from the adoption agency on Tuesday night- two days after Mother's Day - saying to check our email because we had our referral. I was in Rehoboth Beach for a mini-retreat and Tom and Max were at Linda's house having dinner. I called Tom immediately on the cell phone and suggested that we each get in front of a computer so that we could open the email together and see our daughter at the same time. After some fumbling around with different computers, we were finally in sync, so I thought, to open at just the right moment when Tom's opened immediately and mine took 2 minutes to dowload. Harumph!
When Max heard the good news, he said "I'm just so happy and I cannot talk." Seems like that's how we all feel as we digest this long awaited milestone in our journey. It's sort of like, okay, great. Now what? Well, in the world of international adoption, the answer is easy: more paperwork and more checks. And the adopton agency predicts we will travel within the next 2 to 3 months for our Giving and Receiving Ceremony in Vietnam. So we wait on pins and needles.
Anyway, our daughter is a cutie pie - big brown eyes and brown hair. Oddly enough, she looks quite similar to Max when he was a wee infant. Huge chunky cheeks. I used to call Max "Chunky Monkey" but I think Gopala may be earning that term of endearment. Ironically, the person she looks like the most is my late Uncle Pin, a former professor at the Univ. of Pennsylvania. She has his round head and lack of hair even though there's no relation. I wonder if she can make popping sounds like he did when he would pluck his fingers in his cheek.
In the photos we were sent of her - the same ones we're not quite ready to share with the world yet - she is sporting a long-sleeved pink tee shirt with a photo of a rather generic-looking super hero on it. It says in English "Supe Man - 25th anniversary." I guess they didn't realize that the "R" fell off.
Her medical records look good to us. Of course, because we're not physicians, we're having our pediatrician look them over as well as consulting with a pediatrician who specializes in international adoption. As Leslee from Catholic Charities says, she recommends that with any country other than Korea.
Gopala's slightly anemic and covered in scabies which just breaks our hearts. But both problems are easily remedied with appropriate treatment and iron-fortified formula. I just wish the orphanage would treat the children for the scabies. Knowing that these little defenseless babies who have already gone through so much in their short lives have to suffer some completely unnecessary and treatable sickness makes me really bummed out and sad.. (Can you tell I'm trying to be polite for diplomatic reasons?) Tom and I want to go to Vietnam yesterday (not a typo) to get our daughter out of the orphanage and spend the summer living in a hotel in Hanoi til the paperwork gets done but that's not part of the process and we bow to that with gratitude. (Diplomacy again.) And once again, I'm reminded of just how little control - if any - we have over this entire process.
Gopala, as Max still insists on calling her and what we call her til we figure out her new name, lives in an orphanage in Thai Nguyen which is reportedly a 2 hour drive north of Hanoi. It's a university city of about a million people and many of the babies in the orphanage are believed to come from the college students. Gopala was abandoned and found at the clinic several days after her birth on March 13, 2007 which is the closest thing we will have to knowing her birthday. We have no history on her birth or birthparents at all. That to makes me sad and again the mother's instinct wants to rush over to Vietnam to protect her and love her, sheltering her from any more harm or misfortune in her lives. Unrealistic I know but that's what's going on in my heart and my head.
While it seems like we've been waiting forever, really, considering that we had our homestudy completed in Jan. we really are chugging right along. I've become rather addicted to reading other adoptive parent's blogs and I'm amazed at how slow the process is for some. I'm also surprised at the number of people who were intitially planning to adopt from China and had been waiting already a year or two - and have switched to Vietnam. Anyway, dear family and friends, it's late and I'm going to bed. While I dream of being with our new baby, I have to be up early in the morning to host playgroup for my existing baby who turns 4 next Wednesday. I'll write more when I have more news to write.
Saturday, April 14, 2007
No news is good news?
Word has it from our adoption agency that we should be getting a referral any week now for our baby!!! We are very excited. Max is especially happy and concerned about the fact that the baby will be sleeping upstairs even though she won't be able to walk up and down the stairs yet. "I'm going to have to teach her," says a proud big brother. (He seems to know a lot more about "her" than we do but we're going with his intuition.)
I am excited as we creep along closer and closer to making our expanded family a reality but I notice I'm still holding my breath. I will breathe easier once we have a referral and our pediatrician gives us the green light that all looks good. I will breathe easier when we get our travel date for the very important Giving and Receiving Ceremony in Vietnam. I will breathe easier when our new baby passes the mandatory medical exam and I will breathe easier when the U.S. Embassy in Hanoi approves our adoption and a visa for Baby Gopala.
I pray I will breathe with ease when we board our flight home to Maryland but chances are, with a toddler and an infant in tow, that may be far-fetched. In fact, we're about to become parents of not one but TWO kids. From what I see of my friends around me with more than one child, there's no easy breathing except, if you're lucky, in a 45 minute yoga class and you're lucky to get that! I know, I know. What you get instead is also very enriching.
So, the bottom line is we don't know anything really. The adoption agency is saying our paperwork is being translated in Vietnam as I write, and in adoption speak, that is DTV (or dossier to Vietnam). The agency is imminently awaitng a new group of children to be matched with famlies and, at this time, doesn't seem to think there will be a waiting list. There was a chance of that as many families orginally adopting from China have jumped over to this Vietnam program because it's so fast.
From what I can gather from reading blogs and joining the Yahoo Vietnam Travel Talk group, we are doing just great. Some people have been waiting 6 months or more - even close to a year - for a referral though they are with different agencies. We seem to be moving right along which is why we intentionally signed up with World Child. But again, we don't know anything. My information comes from brief snippets in conversations that I try to piece together and incorporate in the bigger picture of how things work based on researching the many blogs and talking to others who go before us.
Like the first step of the famous Twelve Steps, we are completely powerless over this situation. The quicker we turn control over to our Higher Power (or the adoption agency, the various governments etc.) the more graceful this journey will be. We are at the mercy of the adoption agencies, the U.S. government and the Vietnamese goverment on all levels. What they say, by and large, goes. So, we can predict with accuracy what has already happened but cannot say with any degree of certainty what lies ahead. There are so many unknowns, so many variables, and so many possiblities. We pray we come out of this exercise, a meditation of sorts, with a happy, healthy and bright infant.
Did you know, for example, that it's not uncommon for the adoptive parents to meet the birth parents or birth grandparents at the highly emotional Giving and Receiving Ceremony?? That would be absolutely unheard of and nearly impossible in Korea. It doesn't always happen but it does happen. In fact, the family I've been following religiously in their blog lately (http://lucmaisie.blogspot.com) had such an experience. While it is scary, the opportunity to meet our new baby's family is incredible and one we bow to with honor and gratitude. I haven't heard anything about lasting relationships being formed (this whole program is so new) but to even be able to give our child a photograph and share the story - however small - of how we met is an unbelievable gift to anyone who doesn't know their birth parents. (Believe me, I know this from experience.)
So, now we wait. And wait. And wait. There's no shortage of things to do before the delicate balance of our contented nuclear family gets predictably knocked off kilter only to re-balance and right itself again. I read through these adoption blogs and people are so excited about becoming parents that they've had their nurseries set up and decorated a year before they even get their referral. That is blind faith and I admire them. Knowing us, Tom will be putting the crib together the night before we leave for Vietnam, probably mumbling something about "Can't this wait til we get home?" I suppose part of that can be attributed to the fact that this is Baby #2 and the vibe is more mellow than when Max arrived. Not because we aren't excited. It just seems like the time to be excited hasn't struck yet.
And while we wait, we are getting totally pumped up to hit the road again. We love to travel and the promise of going to Southeast Asia once again fills our travel-hungry souls with excitement. The smell of adventure and the unknown is just around the corner and we are psyched!
I am excited as we creep along closer and closer to making our expanded family a reality but I notice I'm still holding my breath. I will breathe easier once we have a referral and our pediatrician gives us the green light that all looks good. I will breathe easier when we get our travel date for the very important Giving and Receiving Ceremony in Vietnam. I will breathe easier when our new baby passes the mandatory medical exam and I will breathe easier when the U.S. Embassy in Hanoi approves our adoption and a visa for Baby Gopala.
I pray I will breathe with ease when we board our flight home to Maryland but chances are, with a toddler and an infant in tow, that may be far-fetched. In fact, we're about to become parents of not one but TWO kids. From what I see of my friends around me with more than one child, there's no easy breathing except, if you're lucky, in a 45 minute yoga class and you're lucky to get that! I know, I know. What you get instead is also very enriching.
So, the bottom line is we don't know anything really. The adoption agency is saying our paperwork is being translated in Vietnam as I write, and in adoption speak, that is DTV (or dossier to Vietnam). The agency is imminently awaitng a new group of children to be matched with famlies and, at this time, doesn't seem to think there will be a waiting list. There was a chance of that as many families orginally adopting from China have jumped over to this Vietnam program because it's so fast.
From what I can gather from reading blogs and joining the Yahoo Vietnam Travel Talk group, we are doing just great. Some people have been waiting 6 months or more - even close to a year - for a referral though they are with different agencies. We seem to be moving right along which is why we intentionally signed up with World Child. But again, we don't know anything. My information comes from brief snippets in conversations that I try to piece together and incorporate in the bigger picture of how things work based on researching the many blogs and talking to others who go before us.
Like the first step of the famous Twelve Steps, we are completely powerless over this situation. The quicker we turn control over to our Higher Power (or the adoption agency, the various governments etc.) the more graceful this journey will be. We are at the mercy of the adoption agencies, the U.S. government and the Vietnamese goverment on all levels. What they say, by and large, goes. So, we can predict with accuracy what has already happened but cannot say with any degree of certainty what lies ahead. There are so many unknowns, so many variables, and so many possiblities. We pray we come out of this exercise, a meditation of sorts, with a happy, healthy and bright infant.
Did you know, for example, that it's not uncommon for the adoptive parents to meet the birth parents or birth grandparents at the highly emotional Giving and Receiving Ceremony?? That would be absolutely unheard of and nearly impossible in Korea. It doesn't always happen but it does happen. In fact, the family I've been following religiously in their blog lately (http://lucmaisie.blogspot.com) had such an experience. While it is scary, the opportunity to meet our new baby's family is incredible and one we bow to with honor and gratitude. I haven't heard anything about lasting relationships being formed (this whole program is so new) but to even be able to give our child a photograph and share the story - however small - of how we met is an unbelievable gift to anyone who doesn't know their birth parents. (Believe me, I know this from experience.)
So, now we wait. And wait. And wait. There's no shortage of things to do before the delicate balance of our contented nuclear family gets predictably knocked off kilter only to re-balance and right itself again. I read through these adoption blogs and people are so excited about becoming parents that they've had their nurseries set up and decorated a year before they even get their referral. That is blind faith and I admire them. Knowing us, Tom will be putting the crib together the night before we leave for Vietnam, probably mumbling something about "Can't this wait til we get home?" I suppose part of that can be attributed to the fact that this is Baby #2 and the vibe is more mellow than when Max arrived. Not because we aren't excited. It just seems like the time to be excited hasn't struck yet.
And while we wait, we are getting totally pumped up to hit the road again. We love to travel and the promise of going to Southeast Asia once again fills our travel-hungry souls with excitement. The smell of adventure and the unknown is just around the corner and we are psyched!
Sunday, April 1, 2007
How the adoption world has changed
since we adopted Max nearly four years ago. It's a whole new world out there and I hope I'm not constantly comparing the differences between the two processes (and even worse the children). What strikes me right now is the opportunity to connect with other people all around the world doing exactly the same thing. Before, due to the nature of living in a small town and community, our only real mentors were the Mufsons who had adopted two children from Korea. (We even had the same social worker from the same adoption agency.)
But now, several years later, despite living in a relatively rural area, we are able to instantly connect with anyone willing to make a connection and share their story. Thanks to the number of blogs people have documented about their adoption journeys (and I'm just talking Vietnamese adoptions - no doubt there are blogs for every country and every subject thinkable!), Tom and I are able to learn about what lies ahead of us in the next few months. And then there is the Yahoo Vietnam Travel Group which I just signed up for, yet another virtual community of people who are adopting in Vietnam. It's blows my mind and I am grateful for the fellowship. Indeed, we are not alone. Way cool and a little scary. Must go put Max to bed.
But now, several years later, despite living in a relatively rural area, we are able to instantly connect with anyone willing to make a connection and share their story. Thanks to the number of blogs people have documented about their adoption journeys (and I'm just talking Vietnamese adoptions - no doubt there are blogs for every country and every subject thinkable!), Tom and I are able to learn about what lies ahead of us in the next few months. And then there is the Yahoo Vietnam Travel Group which I just signed up for, yet another virtual community of people who are adopting in Vietnam. It's blows my mind and I am grateful for the fellowship. Indeed, we are not alone. Way cool and a little scary. Must go put Max to bed.
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