Thumbs up from the docs

Good news! We've taken another small step forward on our journey to become parents of a beautiful Vietnamese baby girl. After receiving our daughter's referral from the adoption agency, Tom and I had a consultation with our local pediatrician who reviewed her medical records and based on what limited information we have, all looks good health-wise. Of course, it's so hard to know. We have no information whatsoever from her birth parents because she was abandoned so we're really starting with a blank slate.

I also asked a pediatrician specializing in international adoption at Johns Hopkins Hospital to review the records. She, too, had a positive review, again judging only by the small amount of information we have on her from her medical check-up and photos that were emailed to us. I liked the Hopkins pediatrician who said she would be available to us - as did our pediatrician here in Easton - while we are in Vietnam in case we had any medical questions. Dr. Deborah Schwengel couldn't have been nicer and offered to write prescriptions for a travel medical kit for our family. We adore our pediatrician here AND I have to say there's something reassuring about also connecting with a doctor whose specialty is international adoption and deals with these issues every day. And once again, I bow to the doctors at Johns Hopkins who, in my experience, have been the most approachable medical professionals I've ever met.

Anyway, having a second medical opinion is something we did not do with Max when we adopted him from Korea nearly four years ago! The Korean medical system is on par with ours and the medical records are reliable and trustworthy unlike most other countries, Vietnam included. So we've done as much as we can on that part and of course will be accepting the referral. Inching closer and closer to welcoming another soul in our family constellation.

I spoke to the director of the adoption agency on Friday and she said the wait to travel is about two to three months. Because we're among the first wave of families to be affected by the recent adoption changes in March, predicting our travel date is anyone's guess. She did say, however, that once we get THE PHONE CALL for travel, we will probably have about a week's notice before we actually have to be on a plane and flying to Hanoi. Holy shit! That's not much time to get visas, last minute plane tickets, hotel reservations etc. Not to mention holding the newspaper and mail, finding someone to keep my garden alive and watered while I'm gone, a housesitter, cat to the "kitty" spa, and so on. I've got my fingers and toes crossed that the timing coincides when Tom can be there for the entire time (in other words, not when he has a photography assignment that can't be changed) and Tom's hoping that he can make it to both Police concerts (Madison Square Garden and Hershey Park) on their reunion tour. Men?!

So, in case you want to know what I'll be doing for the next few weeks, more than likely you will find me packing for three people (moi and TWO kids) and trying to get the baby's room organized. Not to mention the list of a zillion projects I've had on my "to-do" list for months. (I've finally let go of the notion of sending thank you notes to everyone for Christmas presents. Consider this our big thank you, universe!) And then there's the matter of buying gifts for the Vietnam coordinators, the orphanage director and the baby's caregivers - a tradition we are encouraged to take part in. I wonder what Angelina Jolie gave them? Maybe I will email her for ideas...

A lot of people have asked me if we can just go to Vietnam now to pick up the baby and wait in Hanoi til the paperwork is completed. How we wish we could do that but that's not how the process works unfortunately as we were completely prepared to spend the summer in Hanoi if we had to. Others have asked us what are we waiting for? In short, to answer a very good question that I'm rather vague on myself, the proverbial ball is currently in the Vietnamese government's court. After various paperwork gets passed around and approved in various departments from the provinces to Hanoi and HCMC and then back again, we (as in prospective adoptive parents) are issued a Giving and Receiving date. This is the next big hurdle that we need to jump through. The G&R, as many call it, is a very big deal. It's officially when the government of Vietnam gives the baby to us, gifts are exchanged and sometimes (though regrettably not in our situation) there are introductions to the birth parents and/or birth families. The ceremony is with government officials in the province where the orphanage is (in our case in Thai Nguyen) and then the baby is ours to keep. Sort of like going to the hospital, having labor and leaving a day or so later with a baby in your arms. Or, like our experience with Max, taking a casual drive to Dulles Airport with an empty car seat and an hour later heading home with our 4-month-old son. All three of our lives forever changed, forever blessed and forever connected.

By the way, I don't know if you, dear readers, are really interested in all of this but more than likely we will be with a group of fellow adoptive parents who are also adopting babies from the same orphanage. It is said that we will get to know these families very well during our stay in Hanoi and that lots of bonding and lifelong connections are formed here. Though we arrive as strangers, we leave as a family, connected by the mutual experiences of one of life's hallmark events coupled with the existential challenge of coping in a foreign land. Perhaps the collective global journeys Tom and I have taken over the years will help facilitate this momentous opportunity and experience with grace and ease. Not sure I would have had the confidence and courage to take my 4-year-old son to Asia AND adopt said 4-year-old's sibling without those rich experiences. Plus, both Sagittarians, Tom and I know we are at our very best in relationship when we are on the road together and this journey could not be for a more meaningful reason. (There's even mumbling of us going to Southeast Asia early to explore Cambodia, Laos and Vietnam for a wee bit before we are scheduled to adopt our baby. This small mustard seed of an idea is growing bigger everyday.)

My apologies for digressing. Back to the topic at hand. Assuming dear reader that you are remotely curious about what's next in the adoption process, I am going to note the highlights of what is believed to follow. ( I could be wrong, way off, whatever and I take no accountability for the accurateness of what follows b/c this is all so new to us and we are merely pioneers in a new program. Hamsters in a cage.) Of course, I would encourage you to keep checking in on the blog because only what is written in past tense will be true.

Hence, we now await, on pins and needles, for our travel date (a.k.a. Giving and Receiving ceremony date) While we've been told the wait is 2 to 3 months, it could come earlier as it did for our friends Andrea and Scott or it could come later. Regardless, we are ready and await the next step. Then, once we travel to Vietnam, it seems that adoptive families are typically given the babies very soon after arrival. Like the G&R could even be the day or two after arriva!!! (For the record, by the way, because our baby is in an orphanage in northern Vietnam, we will be based in Hanoi. Adoptions agencies have connections with orphanages throughout the country but we already know we're in the north.) In other cases, the ceremony could be rescheduled, delayed, etc. which usually means a lot of waiting for phone calls of what's next.

I've also read this is an excellent time to shop which of course, I look forward to with the greatest of pleasures! After the formal ceremony, the baby is ours. The next hurdle is mostly with the U.S. government and getting authorization to "import an orphan from a foreign country." There's a great deal of scrutiny on America's part b/c of Vietnam's past history with baby smuggling etc. so, as a result, there are two official interviews at the US Embassy punctuated in the middle with another medical check-up at the SOS clinic in Hanoi. Also while hanging out in Hanoi, we have to apply to the Vietnamese for a passport for the baby to travel. There are, mercifully, agency coordinators to help us walk through the maze of family making. Said maze could take a week or two to complete, depending on how busy they are, holidays (American and Vietnamese), the Gods, the stars etc. None of it is in our hands and it seems that as long as we do the required monkey dance, we should leave Vietnam with our baby daughter in less than a month. So, that's it in a nutshell. Confused? Yeah, me too.


To say we are excited is an understatement. I do believe I was in shock for the entire first week since our referral came. Although I've been waiting my whole lifetime, or so it seems, for a daughter, the reality of it took some time to sink in. I'm still trying to be reserved and not get my hopes up because a million things could happen between now and then to disrupt our plans. I'm not dwelling on those possibilities and am trying to keep my focus on the positive but I fear getting overly excited and then being disappointed. It's an awkward tightrope to walk. I guess if I have to err in any one direction, I might as well keep my heart open and err in love.

Tom's thrilled and seems to talk about it more than me. He keeps telling everyone we're going in July which is just a different way of interpreting "two to three months." Max kisses his sister's photo at night and then kisses his new goldfish Cleo (his favorite birthday present. My Mom hit a bulls eye with that $1.50 present!) And guess who has the privilege of taking care of Cleo??????

So now we continue the anxious dance of waiting, running for the phone to see if it's the adoption agency, checking email like crazy for the same reason, packing and tying up loose ends. This is also an excellent time to focus on Max and enjoy the precious time remaining that we have with him as His Royal Majesty before he gets dethroned. I pray for a gentle dethroning.

And a big, hearty thank you to all of our family and friends who have supported us, comforted us and love us as we plod along on uncharted territory. Your love, enthusiasm and friendship fuel our patience and drive. Merci une mille fois.

The Perfect Mother's Day Gift

My goodness. I just checked our blog and noticed I haven't written in nearly a month. Time sure does fly when you're waiting!

Anyway, we have good news to report! Tom and I are the proud parents of a 2 month old daughter! I can't believe it. I've been wanting a baby girl for as long as I can remember and am so happy!

We got THE phone call from the adoption agency on Tuesday night- two days after Mother's Day - saying to check our email because we had our referral. I was in Rehoboth Beach for a mini-retreat and Tom and Max were at Linda's house having dinner. I called Tom immediately on the cell phone and suggested that we each get in front of a computer so that we could open the email together and see our daughter at the same time. After some fumbling around with different computers, we were finally in sync, so I thought, to open at just the right moment when Tom's opened immediately and mine took 2 minutes to dowload. Harumph!

When Max heard the good news, he said "I'm just so happy and I cannot talk." Seems like that's how we all feel as we digest this long awaited milestone in our journey. It's sort of like, okay, great. Now what? Well, in the world of international adoption, the answer is easy: more paperwork and more checks. And the adopton agency predicts we will travel within the next 2 to 3 months for our Giving and Receiving Ceremony in Vietnam. So we wait on pins and needles.

Anyway, our daughter is a cutie pie - big brown eyes and brown hair. Oddly enough, she looks quite similar to Max when he was a wee infant. Huge chunky cheeks. I used to call Max "Chunky Monkey" but I think Gopala may be earning that term of endearment. Ironically, the person she looks like the most is my late Uncle Pin, a former professor at the Univ. of Pennsylvania. She has his round head and lack of hair even though there's no relation. I wonder if she can make popping sounds like he did when he would pluck his fingers in his cheek.

In the photos we were sent of her - the same ones we're not quite ready to share with the world yet - she is sporting a long-sleeved pink tee shirt with a photo of a rather generic-looking super hero on it. It says in English "Supe Man - 25th anniversary." I guess they didn't realize that the "R" fell off.

Her medical records look good to us. Of course, because we're not physicians, we're having our pediatrician look them over as well as consulting with a pediatrician who specializes in international adoption. As Leslee from Catholic Charities says, she recommends that with any country other than Korea.

Gopala's slightly anemic and covered in scabies which just breaks our hearts. But both problems are easily remedied with appropriate treatment and iron-fortified formula. I just wish the orphanage would treat the children for the scabies. Knowing that these little defenseless babies who have already gone through so much in their short lives have to suffer some completely unnecessary and treatable sickness makes me really bummed out and sad.. (Can you tell I'm trying to be polite for diplomatic reasons?) Tom and I want to go to Vietnam yesterday (not a typo) to get our daughter out of the orphanage and spend the summer living in a hotel in Hanoi til the paperwork gets done but that's not part of the process and we bow to that with gratitude. (Diplomacy again.) And once again, I'm reminded of just how little control - if any - we have over this entire process.

Gopala, as Max still insists on calling her and what we call her til we figure out her new name, lives in an orphanage in Thai Nguyen which is reportedly a 2 hour drive north of Hanoi. It's a university city of about a million people and many of the babies in the orphanage are believed to come from the college students. Gopala was abandoned and found at the clinic several days after her birth on March 13, 2007 which is the closest thing we will have to knowing her birthday. We have no history on her birth or birthparents at all. That to makes me sad and again the mother's instinct wants to rush over to Vietnam to protect her and love her, sheltering her from any more harm or misfortune in her lives. Unrealistic I know but that's what's going on in my heart and my head.

While it seems like we've been waiting forever, really, considering that we had our homestudy completed in Jan. we really are chugging right along. I've become rather addicted to reading other adoptive parent's blogs and I'm amazed at how slow the process is for some. I'm also surprised at the number of people who were intitially planning to adopt from China and had been waiting already a year or two - and have switched to Vietnam. Anyway, dear family and friends, it's late and I'm going to bed. While I dream of being with our new baby, I have to be up early in the morning to host playgroup for my existing baby who turns 4 next Wednesday. I'll write more when I have more news to write.