Molly turns 8 months on Tuesday

One month anniversary

As I was putting Molly down to sleep this evening, I realized that we picked her up in Thai Nguyen exactly one month ago today.

It feels like we've had her forever, in some ways, and in others we are still trying to find balance in that ever sensitive mobile known as our family. The mobile as a trio was bound to change balance with the addition of another person. Change is inevitable and still it takes some getting used to.

So it seems especially for Max. He was a rockstar the entire time we were abroad and now that we are home, on his highness' TERRITORY, the "I'm so Excited to Have a Sister" song has changed to "I'm not really so sure anymore." Who is this baby and why do people ogle over her when all she does is lay there like a lump?

He is certainly acting out in all sorts of ways to get our attention and we are told this is perfectly normal. Just to be patient and ride it out. Give it 3 to 4 weeks and hopefully our mobile will have regained some sense of composure and balance.

But the minutes go by like hours. Poop on the bedroom wall once (which Max emphatically denies - first he blamed it on Tom and then the cat), the baby's monitor in the trash, being a little rough with the baby always with one doubtful eye cast up at me or Tom when he's doing it, being noisy when we ask him to be quiet and overall regressing to a baby has taken a great deal of patience from a parent's perspective. I wish I were as balanced, sane and wise as the Buddha so that I could hold Max's confusion and pain without reacting or getting impatient. But I'm not the Buddha. I'm a 42 year old mother doing the best I humanly can with aspirations of being all-loving and patient.

My summer reading list now includes "Siblings without Rivalry" and "How to Talk so kids will listen and how to listen so kids will talk" not to mention countless articles on the sibling topic. While searching for guidance on how to deal with this natural bump in the road, I've also found that the wound from my childhood experience (aka being dethroned and not particularly well) has re-opened. Fun stuff, huh?

I know Max will grow through this phase. Tom and I are trying to be exceedingly patient (perhaps too lenient?) and validate how he is and always will be very special to us. I'm trying to encourage his engineer-like, detailed mind to learn how to express his feelings. Not an easy thing for any of us to do and particularly when your world has been rocked upside down in the course of one afternoon outing. Of course it boggles my mind how the light of my life could even doubt his position in the world but he's been thrown a curve ball he didn't see coming.

The silver lining, I hope, is that we are learning new skills to promote self-expression in healthy ways, learning words and ways to communicate our feelings and re-learning that we are loved. All excellent skills to have and if I have given Max any tools for the-rest-of-his-life toolbox, I hope these are among the most important and serve him forever.

In all fairness, i can really see Max trying to do the right thing. Yesterday, he gave Molly a bottle and he takes great pride in showing off to others that he can hold his big sister all by himself. Tonite, he insisted on helping prepare her bottle and says he can carry her which is something we haven't let him do. Whenever he hears her cry, he says "Mommy, you better go get that baby" and occasinally I overhear him calling her various terms of endearment including sweet pea and little bug.

He also has adopted "Mia" (named after one of Molly's cribmates from the orphanage who we got to know well). Mia was given to him about two years ago and he has basically ignored this Asian doll made by Corelle ever since. Until just a few days ago when he rediscovered her in Molly's room. Since then, he walks around with her, feeding her, burping her and thanks to Gaga, he now has a stroller to push her around in. I was very hopeful that Mia might help with the adjustment period but then I think I've had to feed Mia more than he has (per his orders) and a recent influx of presents (all airplanes!!!) has distracted him from his own baby.

The good news is Molly is a dream baby. She's just great. Like, knock on wood, so far so good. She is a happy, adventurous and social little girl who loves to smile, giggle and blow raspberries. Oddly enough, she also really responds to age appropriate learning toys, loving their bright colors and silly noises. After a month of living with this precious little girl, Tom and I seem more convinced than ever that life in the orphanage was like living in a sensory deprivation tank for the first four months of her life - at best. She likes being held, she doesn't mind by whom, but she still doesn't like sitting in a car seat. (Not that I could blame her.) She has a very sweet disposition and tolerates Max's fumbling attempts at affection surprisingly well. She's a great eater (do not get in between her and her bottle at feeding time!) and being hungry is one of the few times she cries. I am in awe that she is so good at self-soothing and I can put her in her crib at naptime or bedtime and she puts herself to sleep. I love her so much and the fact that I really have a daughter, after so many years of wanting, wanting, still hasn't fully resonated in my pea brain.

What else is new? I miss our adventure. I miss the excitement of being abroad and the unexpected juiciness of each new day. I miss our new friends, who we bonded with in a super life changing event. I miss making new friends. I miss Cambodia. I miss the Grand Hotel D'Angkor in Siem Reap and I miss fresh spring rolls in Vietnam. I miss writing in my blog.

I do not miss the mildewy smelly towels at the Melia Hotel nor do I miss the oppressive heat. People kept asking me this past week - while we've been in the midst of a record-breaking heatwave - if it was this hot in Vietnam. They're surprised when I say hotter. I don't miss the pollution or crazy traffic in Hanoi but I do wish I had walked around Hoan Keim Lake more often than I did. I still have so much I want to write for future adoptive parents in Vietnam as the blogs and yahoo groups that precede me were so helpful. I felt like I had a clue of what was happening during our time in Vietnam while others, who didn't read blogs or join yahoo groups for families adopting from Vietnam, seemed basically clueless and as a result, extremely anxious. As time permits, I will try to update the blog with that information. But getting quiet, personal time to write seems to be a low priority these days.

Life is good. We are blessed. We leave for Fishers Island for two weeks which is a wonderful bonus b/c we weren't sure we were going to be able to get up there this year. My family of origin is celebrating a family reunion this week. We've got much to celebrate - my brother's engagement and two new babies to welcome into the family tree. It's late and soon Molly will be wanting her midnight snack so I will write more later.

Rabbit, rabbit

Happy August!

We've been home five days (four nights) and we are slowly starting to morph into the timezone we once knew here. We've given ourselves lots of space and little obligations this week so that we could gently ease into life at home as a quartet. I feel so lucky that we can do that! That neither Tom or I have to rush off to work this week but can just have this space to to move into this new and exciting chapter of our lives.

Picking up Molly in Hanoi in July was blistering hot and humid like this Eastern Shore girl has never seen before BUT it was divine timing. We basically have the summer off from work and school responsibilities so it was perfectly timed. Molly is swinging in her swing (thanks Jack for the loan!), sucking her thumb, waking up every few minutes to smile at me and then go back to her cat nap. It just occurred to me that it's almost like shes's always been here and I have distant memories of what it was like when we were a trio.

We've been waiting for her for a long time and I will say that we all agree, hands down, that she was worth the wait. And, as you will often here in adoption circles, she is just the baby who is supposed to be in our lives. There are times in the adoption process that I wanted a baby so bad and RIGHT NOW. But, like with Max, if that had happened that way, well then we wouldn't have Molly. It works just as it is supposed to work, whether we understand it or not.

So, by and large, it's nice to be home. Max got up at 3:30 in the morning the first two nights home to play with his toys. He was so happy to be re-united with his "things." I had woken up at 5:30 a.m. to find all the lights on downstairs and he was on the sunporch happily playing with his cars and planes. "I didn't want to wake you up, Mommy," he said, eating his second package of peanut butter crackers. "I wanted to let you and Daddy sleep."

He seems to be finding his independence since we've returned. He does more things that he can do for himself and it's nice to see him growing up. Maybe he was this way before we left and I only notice it more now with Molly because we have to do everything for her. While I'm excited Max is more independent and ultimately what every parent wishes for their children, I also have a tad bit of grief. What do you mean he thinks he can walk out to the garden by himself to pick tomatoes? Can he really do that without me? Isn't he going to need me forever? What about all of the cuddles and hugs that nourish me as much as him? What will happen to them?

I know I'm just rambling. As if this entire blog hasn't been one long ramble. There's so much that I've wanted to write and say, to document for me and my family as well as to inform my fellow adoptive parents who are soon on their way to Vietnam themselves. If you're an adoptive parent and have any questions, feel free to email me because there's no guarantee that I'm going to have time to address all that I want to say. Plus, some discussions are better left privately.

It's wonderful to be in our home. Our friend Dawn did a great job housesitting and in the course of her spiritual work, infused our home with great energy. We were bummed to come home Saturday afternoon to find the second floor air-conditioning system broken but an emergency call to our repairman had it fixed by Monday afternoon. In the meantime, we played "Hotel" all sleeping together in Molly's room, thanks to a window unit lent to us by our neighbors.

My garden has survived the summer drought and my absence though there were a few casualties. The stewartia pseudocamelia and the chionanthus virginicus both took it hard, so hard that they are both dead. But they were new installations that needed a lot of TLC which I didn't have to offer while we were gone.

As for the stacks of mail, we have yet to attack them. I have sorted through the trash mail and popped those pieces in the recycling bin. Catalogs, magazines, bills, and general correspondence are all in neat piles though I have yet to open them. That's a fun project for later today.

The truth is in this weary jetlag phase, I'm not sure where I really am or where I really want to be. My body is most definitely here in Tunis Mills but my mind is mostly still in Vietnam. I long for fresh spring rolls - I ate them nearly every day - and fresh mango juice. All the shopping I did in Hanoi seems to look like nothing short of a small anthill when spread out on my office floor. And here I thought I had gotten so much. I thought I finished my Christmas shopping for the year but not so. I could have done so much more! I miss the unbelievable plethora of dining options in Hanoi. From Vietnamese, western, French, Italian, Indian, Chinese, Thai, Japanese, Korean. You name it, they had it. I miss the busyness and commotion on the streets. Indeed, it was annoying walking down the street in Hanoi because there were so many people, some rushing, some sitting on plastic stools enjoying tea, some leaning against motorbikes slurping on ice creams, others plying fresh produce, stinky fish and cheap flowers. Yet, as bothersome as it was - especially with a stroller! - life was happening right there on the streets. The Vietnamese live outside. It all hangs out. They eat, drink, nap, work, play checkers, smoke waterpipes, sell cigarettes individually, all right there on the street.

Back here in small town life USA, no one is on the streets except the occasional passerby. It's rather lonely and ghostly. Where is everyone? How come people here don't interact as intimately as over there? Everyone drives so safely and politely here. (I'm not complaining at all about that!) It's just a different rhythm to get used to where in Vietnam it was every man for himself on his bike, cyclo, motorbike, car or bus. It was the first thing Max noticed when we left Dulles airport. The roads are so much bigger and calmer. No one is pulling hysteronic feats of foolishness to overtake another vehicle. No horns blaring, simply to announce one's presence.

I'm not saying one place is better than another. They both have their merits and both have their pitfalls. What I suppose I'm trying to say is that there's a big gear change in the pace of life we were just living to the one we are now in. I suppose it's also culture shock, a sensation I've only ever experienced on the re-entry leg of my travels.

I leave Vietnam with the precioius, gentle daughter of my dreams. I leave having shared such an intimate and unbelievable experience with my husband and my son, both of whom I love more than ever for sharing this journey with me. Sharing it with enthusiasm, flexibility and curiosity. I leave knowing we will back. Yes, we will go back to Asia again to let our children visit the countries of their birth, their respective homelands. But, in all truth, we will go back because we passionately lust to explore more of Asia and want to see and do more. Burma, Laos and Bhutan are high on our lists.

And of course, Cambodia calls us both. As I told my Mom the other day, if I were at a different place in my life right now and a different time (i.e. not a parent of an infant and a toddler), I wouldn't have come home just yet. I would have stayed in Cambodia and just plopped right into the beautiful wave of humanitarian helping and philanthropy for a people who so desperately need it, deserve it and want it.

Here's to another day of fuzzy-headedness floating in a surreality. A little more cocculus (great homeopathic remedy for jet lag!) and time and we'll be good to go in no time. Tom's really itching to go. He's got Police tix for the Madison Square Garden show on Friday night... Not sure I'm up for the four hour jaunt to New York just yet. Sting can wait, in my books, but the doors of Bonpoint, Bergdorfs and Best & Co. are calling........ Afterall, I do have a little girl to shop for now!

Home Sweet Home

According to my calculations, and I never was very good at math, it took us 35 hours door to door from Hanoi back home to Easton, Maryland.

Now that does include all the time we were in motion, whether flying or not. I'm so knackered I can hardly right but just want to let my faithful readers know that we made it home safe and sound.

I cannot recommend Thai Airways more highly. They are a fantastic airline and have picked up on service where the Americans left off decades ago. The 17-hour flight from Bangkok to JFK is nothing short of long but it was very comfortable as we were sitting in premium economy (a compromise b/w economy and business class) AND a baby bassinet which is a must for all travelers who are waiting to go to Vietnam.

First off, with the baby bassinet, the baby has a place to sleep (and sleep they do!) and you don't have to hold the baby for the entire flight. I mean there's bonding and then there's BONDING. Also, b/c the bassient has to attach to the wall, you get seats in the bulkhead which is always a wee bit spacier.

The kids were excellent for the traveling part. Max had a meltdown here or there but I had my own share of them as well so who could blame him? Both he and Mols fell asleep from Hanoi to Bangkok. Too bad for Max because when we arrived in Bangkok, there were huge airplanes all around us on the tarmac - a scene he would have loved but there was no waking that boy up. (Did I tell you that the Vietnamese always called Max "boy"? and then cup him affectionately on the face?)

Molly did wake up though and was ready to party during our 2 hour lay-over. Soon after boarding the flight bound for JFK, we all fell asleep (it was 12:40 a.m.) except for Max who watched "Meet the Robinsons" on his own private screen. I think he stayed up til 4. But then he slept.

Lots of food being served and lots of cheap cat naps. The air hostesses kept the cabins dark except for during meals which was kind of weird. And once again I was thrilled we were flying through the Arctic Circle. Over China, Siberia, the North Pole and then Canada. I loved lookng at the polar ice caps from 36,000 feet above.

Our flight arrived on time and had a wonderful touch down. I was psyched because for the first time in years I didn't take any medicine to fly. No fear, no panic attacks, not even anxiety. I think it is b/c I'm so focused on the kids I don't have time to indulge in my emotional stuff.

We breezed through immigration and customs which kind of surprised me because we were importing an "alien" as our government likes to term our adopted babies. Do your think they could come up with a kinder word?
Then we had a 3 hour wait to Dulles. We were tempted to rent a car and just drive home. It would have taken the same amount of time but as it turned out, it would have been quicker.

After boarding the oversold flight, we were told the plane couldn't not take off for another hour b/c there were 35 planes in front of us on the runway. Here we were so close to home and time seemed to slow slower than a snail's pace. Both kids were crying on the plane during the wait and I was half expecting to be evicted at some point but we never were.

Alas, the plane got going and we flew the 40 minute flight to Dulles quite uneventfully. We were met by Tom's Mom and step father who drove all the way over from Easton to pick up. It was so wonderful to be met at the airport by someone we loved and wanted to see. Remember in the old days when people used to meet you at the airport?: Those days are so gone.

Anyway, the closer we got to home the longer it seeemd to take to get there. We did finally make it, after Tom's 85 year old step-father gave Molly a tour of the most important monuments in Washington, D.C. A big deal for a little girl on her first day in America! Rather approrpriate though.

My brain wants to keep writing but my eyes keep closing so I've got to sign off now. More later. And it's so darned nice to be home. I didn't realize how much I missed it til we got home.

Leaving on a Jet Plane

Good news!

Two enormous pieces of the puzzle to return home came together this afternoon. Molly got a thumbs up to fly around 2 p.m. from our favorite doctor. Her lungs are still crackling a wee bit but sound so much better than yesterday. We've got an inhaler/puffer for her during the flight and Actifed to keep her comfortable.

And then after days of being on the wait list, we got three seats confirmed this afternoon to fly out tonight. We're not all sitting together, at the moment, but I'm hoping someone will take pity on us and let our happy family fly together. We're grateful to be flying out tonight because it doesn't like we'd get seats again til Tuesday. I am glad we can all rise to the occasion to be spontaneous. You've never seen two people organize the troops and pack so quickly.

So a very quick farewell to Hanoi. I need to hop in the shower before we embark on our 30 hour journey home. I'm just hoping that someone will be on the other end to pick us up when we get to Washington.

We're sad to leave our new friends here who haven't heard from the embassy yet. Meeting them has been an unanticipated bonus of this whole experience. We've vowed to stay in touch so that our babies can be in contact over the years, having shared similar stories and possibly even the same crib. These little infants are as close to family as they've ever known.

To all of you who prayed for Molly, thanks! She's definitely on the mend and we can't wait for you to meet her.

The oddest thing I saw today: Some dude on a motorbike carry five globes in big boxes tied together with twine. He has the whole world in his hands.

My favorite absurd observation of the day: The stratospheres of wealth in Vietnam are enormous and go from the tippy top to the bottom. There's something for everyone and the Vietnamese are very industrious people. Take, for example, the guy on the street corner who fixes flat tires. One could easily walk by him and think "oh, he's just napping on the sidewalk." But really, if someone on a bicycle needs to get a flat tire fixed or a few bursts of air inflated in their tire for good measure, this is the man to see. You will recognize him because he has an old-fashioned bicycle pump and a dirty plastic dish of water (to find out where the leaks are.) I wonder if AAA covers his services.

Tom's yelling at me from the other room to get moving. Max needs to get dressed and we have to wake Molly up.
May our travels be blessed with safety and ease.

More later.

Max and the vintage Citroens

Molly and Mommy

Molly and her friend Mia

Waiting in limbo again

Checking in to say that it looks like our departure is on hold yet again. This time it's not the embassy or any other paperwork chasing but something completely unanticipated.

Our precious Molly has just been diagnosed with broncheolitis which is certainly something we don't want to fly with. When I took her to the SOS clinic yesterday afternoon (our fourth visit in two weeks) her breathing was so raspy, shallow and wheezy. I was afraid at first that perhaps I was over-reacting and didn't really need to go to the clinic but with the impending flight, I really wanted someone to listen to her lungs.

I'm glad I listened to my intuition.

So from an ear infection, she's also had bronchitis and now broncheolitis. Some of the other kids have been diagnosed with the same and it's so sad. It's like they already haven't been through enough in their short lives. Let's throw on a few respiratory illnesses to make things worse.

I was hoping that by now though she would be well on the mend, not getting worse. She's been on anti-biotics since we picked her up. I suppose if there is a silver lining, we're at least somewhat comforted knowing that she's getting the best possible medical care she can be getting in Vietnam rather than suffering listlessly in the orphanage which has proved to be nothing short of a breeding ground for infectious germs.

The doctor, a very handsome German with a ponytail and a gentle way with children, wants to see us again today to see where she is. As far as our flight home tomorrow, he said it's TBA. And of course we will honor whatever he says. He sent me home with a nebulizer and an assortment of medicines and steroids to put in the nebulizer.

I've never done a nebulizer before and I admit that some of the instructions conveyed by the Vietnamese male nurse got Lost in Translation. Like, does anyone know if it's okay to nebulize the kids when they're sleeping?

So, we're on hold again. One step forward, several steps back. We went to the embassy yesterday before the doctor's and applied for Molly's visa. Barring any unforeseen problems, we should have Molly's visa in hand this evening. And now we wait for the doctor's okay.

We're all going stir crazy. The suite gets smaller and smaller every day and despite that, I think we've all done a great job rallying under the circumstances. The great irony is that our family and one other family have been the only two approved to move forward in the visa application. The other five families haven't heard a peep from the embassy and they're getting really itchy and antsy. My heart goes out to them because the not knowing how long our sentence is, is perhaps the toughest part. And here we nearly have our get out of jail card and probably aren't going anywhere til Mols is on the mend.

Please, please include Molly in your prayers. Send her any healing, reiki energy that you can muster. Or as we Quakers say, please hold her in the light. We know she's going to pull through this and we just want to get her home on American turf as soon as possible. I miss our pediatrician and trying to read medicine instructions in Arabic or French is trying. Amen for the American standard of health. There's nothing like it anywhere else.

Chocolate buffet at the Metropole

We're coming home!

Yippee!! Hooray! We got the phone call we've all been waiting for this afternoon. Martin called to say that we got approval from the US Embassy to apply for Molly's visa so that we can fly home.

That means our paperwork was processed in 6 business days at the embassy. Some families have also heard the good word while others still wait. While we're excited to be among the first to get approved, our hearts are with our friends who haven't gotten word yet. Since we've been here, we've formed a family of sorts, all rooting for one and other and walking the same path. So it only seems right that they would hear at the same time as us. But they haven't and so it is.

Next step is tomorrow we head to the U.S. Embassy again to apply for Molly's visa. With the $380 cash in hand, we will go en famille to the embassy for what will hopefully be out last visit. We've already got Molly's passport (well, actually World Child does - they've kept all of our pertinent paperwork) and the general turnaround time for visa applications is 24 hours.

If our travel agent is able to work wonders, our hope is to fly home Friday. I guess that would mean we arrive on Saturday around noon at Dulles. Crazy, huh? Here we've been sitting waiting, waiting, waiting and all of sudden, spring into action. It's such a relief to literally be almost home. We could try to push things and fly on Thursday night but it would mean checking out of our hotel, rushing to the embassy to get the visa and then racing to the airport to hop on the flight to Bangkok.

It would be a big stressor and traveling with two children, we've decided to just relax and go the following day. Our loose schedule is definitely an asset in the travel planning. Some people have to return on certain days. I must say it is an immensely huge relief to see the end in sight. Not knowing when while waiting can be so difficult. At least waiting and knowing when the waiting will end is more palatable.

Also, it would allow Molly one more day to get better. I can't remember if I wrote it or not but the poor thing has bronchitis and ear infections now. She had a tough day today - lots of crying and not wanting to be put down and frankly, if I had what she has, I'd feel the same way. She's on all sorts of meds and hopefully will be on the mend in the next day or two. I'm trying different remedies too but haven't found one yet that makes the shift I'm looking for.

It's time to come home and we are really ready. Max is starting to escape from the hotel room again and is becoming very fresh with us. I think it will do him and us good for him to be on his home turf again. He has the staff at the Melia wrapped around his fingers and he's actually figured out a wonderful thing. He knows where the hotel's internal florist is and, with babysitter in hand, charms his way into the florist's and gets free flowers! So, our room (1920, Karrie, just like you!) is full of flowers at all times. Tonight he came home with a dozen yellow roses. I complain not.

So Max and the Melia. He has become quite mischevious and knows his way around this enormous hotel. (It holds the biggest ballroom in Vietnam!) When we go to the elevator (we're on the 19th floor) he always pushed the up and down buttons now, regardless of what floor we are going to. Once in the elevator, rather than pushing "G" for the ground floor, he pushed Level One, knowing that he is guaranteed an escalator ride down to "G" from the first floor. In the restaurant, our little tyrant general has all the waitresses humming around him. He asks them for whatever he wants from the sumptuous breakfast buffet and they give it to him - without asking me or Tom first. This child has pigged out on desserts and chocolate rice krispies. Hence, the aforementioned freshness. With the insouicance of Eloise at the Plaza, he orders the hotel staff to go away when they knock on our door and tells his babysitters how to entertain him. Sometimes I think he thinks he's in charge of our household. His charm is waning though and he is close to having us all evicted.

Max's excitement of being a big brother has waned as well. The honeymoon isn't quite over but he has definintely focused more interest in the bridges outside our window than his sister. He does love her, likes to help feed her and wants to tell me how to administer her medicines. She follows him everywhere with her eyes and adores him.

It's hard to believe Molly has been with us now for two weeks. It feels like she's been with us forever as we slowly make the adjustment from being a trio to a quartet. She is sleeping a little less during the day and enjoys playtime, cooing at us and giving us big gummy smiles.

There's still so much I want to write and say about Hanoi and our time in Vietnam but it's 11:30 p.m. and I'm pooped again. I forgot how tiring it is waking up in the middle of the night for feedings. At least Molly only does one or two of them. We're lucky.

Tom got tix for the soccer game tomorrow night here in Hanoi. Japan versus Saudi Arabia in the Asian Cup. He's going with two other Dad's he's befriended for a guy's night out.

We got a babysitter tonight and went out for a superb meal. Before I describe that though, I must write about Miss Van who has babysat for both kids several times now. She is quite stern but very loving at the same time. She coddles Molly almost the whole time and manages to engage Max as well. She's the one who takes him on walkabouts around the hotel and how he learns about the bowels of the Melia hidden from nearly all guests. Van is immensely competent (she has two kids of her own) and, like many Vietnamese, has no problem telling me what I should be doing better to raise my kids.

First off, I need to make the room warmer for Molly's cold and tonight she told me I need to not only put socks on Molly's feet at night (which I already do if all the footy pjs are dirty) but I need to also put socks on her hands to keep her warm. She says these things to me as if I'm not fit to be a mother. I can't tell you how many times Vietnamese woman have told me what to do for my children. They've very outspoken and don't hesitate to tell you exactly what they think is right for you. At first it was a sort of endearing cultural habit. Now it's just annoying.

Anyway, back to dinner. We went to a wonderful restaurant called Wild Lotus. The ambience was hipper and cooler than Tao in New York, more intimate as well. Stepping off the sidewalk into the restaurant's compound is like walking from a chaotic world into a zone of serenity and calm. The decor is so "yoga hip" and cool. Candles lighting every step on the way up to the restaurant, water trickling in fountains and awesome statues of the Buddha abound.

What was really nice, especially in contrast to our visit to uber-hip Verticale, was that the restaurant was mainly full of Vietnamese people. At Verticale, we were one three tables there - all foreigners or expats. Tongiht, at Wild Lotus, the food was insanely delicious and we braved dishes we never tried before. This is meant to be an upscale Vietnamese restaurant serving modern fare based on timeless ingredients and infusions. I've heard good things about the restaurant and also wanted to go because our dear friend Sean has a yoga studio in New Orleans called Wild Lotus. Or, in Vietnamese, it's Da Lien. Thought I'd get him a tee shirt but they don't do that sort of thing here.

First off, I had spring rolls. They were, without a doubt, the best spring rolls I've tried in Viet Nam. And I might add, I've become quite the spring roll connoisseur since arriving in Hanoi. I like them because they are refreshing, low fat and fresh. Tonight they were filled with shrimp, mango and mint leaves. So delicious, so light. Yum! And Wild Lotus is not stingy with the servings. Tom had spicy pumpkin soup which had swirls of grated ginger on top. Then he had shredded duck wrapped in rice pancakes and served with a spicy plum sauce. I tried one and agreed that they were very tasty, fresh and light.

After that, we enjoyed trying sauteed pumpkins buds and garlic. The pumpkin buds are pumpkin greens - very mild and tasty and the light sprinkling of crushed garlic added to their taste. Much milder than spinach or beet greens and tastier than kale. We had ordered sauteed morning glories in garlic but they were out of season. We also had grilled shrimp on skewers that was dipped in a dish with freshly sliced chilis and salt soaked in lemon juice. And of course, there was the omnipresent bowl of rice.

We were disappointed in nothing, save for the fact that we didn't have any room leftover for dessert. It was truly a fabulous meal and fairly priced. $38 for the two of us! Same as the boring old buffet here at the Melia, even with the $1 cab ride included. It's refreshing to have grown up time with Tom. It's been nice we've been able to get away a few times to do just that. We figure it's one of the best things we can give our kids is a happy marriage. Happy parents mean happy children.

I can't wait to get home to the Eastern Shore of Maryland where my sister Suzy tells me the tomatoes are just starting to come in and she's already eating local peaches. My mother-in-law says she has been having steamed corn every night and if you're from the Eastern Shore, you know there is no finer corn on this planet.

Absurd observation made today:
I've been wondering why many taxi drivers dash around town with pineapples in the cars. They're kept in between the two front seats in the cup holders. It finally occurred to me that they are air fresheners. So long silly scented pine tree freshener. Just get a pineapple. Smells better.

House Arrest

Max and Molly

Tom and Max swimming in the Gulf of Tonkin

The scary snack lady

Boat gypsies

Family portrait on the Emeraude

Photos of our trip to Ha Long Bay

Ha Long Bay and back

We just returned yesterday afternoon from a glorious overnight aboard the Emerauda, a replica of a 1920s paddle wheel boat. Apparently, during that time there was a fleet of such boats cruising around the bay.

Now there is only one and we are so grateful to have spent an overnight on it. We left Hanoi at 8:30 a.m. Saturday morning and embarked on a hair-raising crazy 3-hour journey east to Ha Long Bay. The driver spoke not a word of English - didn't even try - and drove like a kamikaze on a bad, bad acid trip. It was like being the focus of a driving video game with God at the controls. It was by his grace that we are still alive today because the number of times my stomach was in my mouth were too many to count.

Oncoming buses, passing motorbikes, water buffalo, people on the side of the road selling pineapples and baguettes, overtaking tourist buses - the list goes on. They all drive like mad. Last one there is a rotten egg, type of thing. Doesn't matter if you die along the way or crash. Having our babies onboard didn't help matters either! No seatbelts, no car seats. Just us and the road.

Anyway, three hours later, we barely arrived alive at the dock to board the Emeraude with just a few minutes to spare. Did I mention we were late because the driver got lost?

From the moment we stepped foot on the pier, we knew we were in for a treat. Oh, and when I say we, I mean our nuclear family plus our new friends the Shaws and their daughter Mia and our new friend Clay who traveled solo for the adventure. (We're all a part of the same adopting families.)

When we boarded the beautiful boat, the head purser asked us if we wanted to upgrate to a suite at a price we couldn't afford to decline. "More room, more room for your family," she promised. Traveling in a quarter, I'm always happy to opt for more space. So up to the Emeraude Suite we went. Our bags quickly followed as did a small baby crib for Molly that would have been outlawed in the states 50 years ago. It was all rather plush if I do say so myself. The linens had a high thread count and were clean and the a/c was cranked up nice and cold. I particularly loved the replicas of the old postcards of Ha Long Bay 100 years ago. Very French colonial. C'est tres Indochine.

Speaking of French, I got to use my French quite a bit which is always wonderful even though it's rustier than ever. There were a lot of French people onboard as well as Spanish and Japanese. We were among the few Americans which I always like. I get so bored with the U.S. centric view point of the world.

After we got somewhat settled into our cabin, we went down to the first deck to have participate in a sumptuous lunch buffet. I chowed on the fresh spring rolls, among other yummy things. The Vietnamese are hugely into seafood and the funkier the better. Squid is on every menu everywhere, not to mention sea urchin, octopus, sea wolf and sea cucumbers. Within minutes of leaving our mooring near the town docks, we were crusing through some of the most amazing scenery I've ever seen in my life. Really.

Hundreds of massive island formations covered in lush green foliage made out of limestone pierce the surface of the water creating a spectacular view. I just wanted to soak it up as we gently glided though the passageways and karsts humming with insects. It didn't take Max long to befriend most of the crew, especially the captain. They compared compasses and directions on the bridge several times. After lunch, Max and Tom hiked into a cave that has recently been discovered. It's filled with all sorts of stalagmites etc. not to mention kitschy lighting within. While they did that, Molly and I napped in the cabin.

Max and Tom jumped into the Gulf of Tonkin for a before dinner dip. Tom said the water was so salty it was effortless to float. I had a massage and then it was time to eat dinner. Something upset my tummy BAD so I just went to dinner without eating. Not even a ginger ale. I could hardly move I was so weak but thankfully took a homepathy remedy and it cleared up by the next day. So much so that I enjoyed a lovely breakfast in the morning. (More squid on the menu.)

It was a wonderful excursion from Hanoi. I didn't realize how out of connection I felt with nature til we left the smoggy city. The water was mellow and kind, extremely relaxing and healing at the same time. We saw lots of tourist boats (apparently there are 200 plus) but managed to ecsape them for most of the time.

You know what. It's late and I'm falling asleep at the keyboard. I'm going to have to write more in the morning b/c I'm so pooped. More later. I love you, I love you all, especially those of you who have stayed in touch via email and the blog. Thanks! Your missives mean so much to us.

Hot Date in Hanoi

Tom and I did something tonight we haven't done once since we've been on this trip.

We went out on a date. It was so wonderful to connect with my husband, who has been my constant companion and teammate since we started this trip. But I didn't realize until we were having dinner this evening, that it's the first ALONE time we've had in weeks.

We've found a wonderful babysitter at the hotel. Miss Vanh. Rather stern, speaks understandable English which is different than speaking English. Insists that Max says "please," loves Molly and also takes Max of the Melia around the hotel to secret places that most guests don't even know exist, let alone see.

This afternoon, while I was feeding Molly (who, by the way, is now sucking down 4 to 5 ounces of formula like there's no tomorrow! - big shift from the 2 ounce "sips" she was taking last week), Max and Miss Vanh went on an adventure. They returned with a huge bouquet of Gerber daisies in a rainbow sherbert assortment of colors. When I asked where he got them, Max replied "from the flower room." There are always fresh arrangements around the hotel (something I take notice of daily and photograph occasionally) and darn if Max didn't get into what would perhaps be my favorite room in the building.

After Max presented the flowers to me, he did his amusing Max "thing" by jumping up and down with excitement as he showed me the different colors of the flowers. Words could not come out of his mouth fast enough.

Anyway, back to our hot date. We went to the new trendy restaurant in town called Verticale. It's a restored 3-storey merchant house that has a spice shop on the first floor (selling cinnamon bark the size of logs we would put in our fireplaces, I kid you not!!), a restaurant on the 2nd floor and a bar on the third.

Navigating the menu was close to trying to figure out what to eat at the Inn at Easton - but even gamier and muskier if that's possible. Verticale is the brainchild of French Master Chef Didier Corlue, who was the chef at the Sofitel Metropole's "Spices" restaurant for many years before branching out on his own. So here we are at this trendy new restaurant, and the menu was almost scary. It seemed everything had squid, sea urchin, sweetbreads, duck, foie gras or other hard core funkiness in it. Hence, the fusion between French and Vietnamese cooking. Nothing was simple. Like, my Mom wouldn't be able to find anything on the menu to eat.

Mind you, just before ordering - as in committing to an actual order - and after already indulging in the little "amuse" that they gave us (mango slivers to be dipped in chili powder infused salt AND chopped up bits of scallop in a dried banana slice to be dipped in the ubiquitous fish sauce, we nearly bolted. We thought of 3 or 4 other restaurants that were known entities nearby and almost gave up the game. We could just settle up, pay for our Pellegrino and beat a hasty, albeit somewhat embarrassing, retreat. But we didn't. Even though there were more hovering waitstaff than customers, we stayed and are glad in hindsight for the culinary adventure.

After four or five attempts at trying to figure out what I could possibly eat that's low fat (talk about major Lost in Translation moments!), I ordered Red Tuna which was more like tuna on a stick. A beautiful and perfumed stick, but still a stick. The juicy chunk of grilled tuna had been pierced with a long stalk of lemongrass and served on a bed of some unidentifiable but tasty Vietnamese greens. I was also served rice, that was scented with bits of star anise, in a small clay pot that reminded me of the little dishes my sister Suzy likes to serve.

Tom ordered Beef Yin Yang. Sounds rather inocuous. Presentation was fabulous but judging by the amount of food left on his plate, it wasn't a smashing success. On a white rectangular shaped plate, there was an Australian beef tenderloin, leeks and some other kind of mystery meat. Next to that was a black plate the same size and shape which had beef satays in a little clay pot, huge flakes of dried beef and then one beef springroll on top of a shot glass of sauce to accompany it. I nearly ordered this dish and am so glad I didn't. I thought it would just be a simple steak - not an array of artsy beef interpretations. The tenderloin was a huge disappointment. Really gamey and musky funky. Like, I'm not sure it was Australian beef at all. More like water buffalo from the nearby rice paddies. And the dried beef was nothing like our Beef Jerkey in the states. These dried shreds were infused with ginger and chili powder. Sort of like eating a piece of Big Red gum - that first bite where there's a flavor infusion but the flavor here only gets stronger. It was a brave effort on Tom's part.

Dessert was really what was amazing though. Mine was probably the best dessert I've ever had, anywhere. On a plain white plate, there was a tower of perfectly ripened mango rounds layered with perfectly plump raspberries and a mint, cilantro and passion fruit sauce. To die for. That in an of itself. Then, on the other side of the plate was a scoop of citronella sorbet decorated with a huge abstract design of spun sugar. Only Vietnamese influences would come up with such a delicate and fragrant combination.

Tom had some kind of fried banana pastry - sort of like a French mille feuilles but Asian - along with a martini glass full of cubed lemon cake soaked in passion fruit sauce. Very inventive and very bold. My apologies for the long meal description but it was just so unusual that if I don't record it, I will forget about it. Hence, the daily blog.

Aside from the culinary aspects of our date, it was just really nice to connect with my husband. No kids interrupting, no phone calls, no TV, no distractions. Of course, we spent most of the time talking about the kids (as in plural which is still an awkward thing for me to say), our trip, how this adoption is so different than Max's, and how we are looking forward to heading home. It's been a long, hot slog of hotel living. My son hasn't played on green grass (or any other color for that matter) in about three weeks. I enjoy visiting cities but long term city living just isn't for this girl.

It was nice to be adults. Samantha and Tom. Enjoying a meal without passing a baby back and forth or wooing Max to eat while we're at a meal (not the endless snacking he is accustommed to at home). Adult conversation. No interruptions. It was a glorious treat and something we need to remind ourselves to do more often.

I was trying to describe to Tom why this adoption feels so different to me than our first one. There are probably a host of reasons why, obvious and not so obvious, but what strikes me the most I suppose is an analogy to buying chicken. Bear with me a moment, dear reader, as I think you will be able to relate. Adopting Max was like going to the Acme and buying boneless, skinless chicken breasts. It's easy, clean, healthy, sanitary and predictable. You don't have to touch the skin or bones. No blood. No funky cuts or weird tendons. And covered in plastic. Nice and neat. Just like greeting him for the first time at the Dulles Airport after he was escorted overseas at the tender age of four months. He was a wonderful, tidy little package.

But with Molly, it's like going to the butcher where he prepares, de-feathers and skins the chicken right in front of you. Not hidden behind walls of a grocery store. But right there - visible for the whole world to see. In a way, it's very Asian - very Third World. It's also tremendously Vietnamese in which things are very out in the open for all to see. With Molly, we really got an opportunity to see where she came from and have watched her grow like wildfire in 10 days. We're more in tune with her situation as a needy wee one - so raw without family, friends or even a foster mother. She didn't get the best medical care, love or stimulation that all children deserve. There was no plastic wrapping. No neat package all wrapped up on a shelf. Rather, this is closer to the truth, more raw and more heart tugging.

For years people would say how great Tom and I are for adopting Max. Giving him opportunities to grow and thrive that he wouldn't have had had he stayed in Korea. He didn't have a family and needed one. People make it sound so altruistic and unselfish on our parts but the truth of the matter is, it was entirely selfish. Tom and I wouldn't have had a family without Max. We wouldn't be parents. We're different pieces of a puzzle that come together to make a whole picture. One wouldn't be whole without the other.

So I've always sort of shunned those comments and confessed that we wanted children. We wanted to be parents. We're not trying to save the world or aim for zero population. I mean it's great that it's helping on a global scale but that is not the driving force behind adopting for us. For some, it is and I bow to them. And I'm glad that our actions have a positive effect and benefit others. That's great. But the driving force was we wanted to be parents.

With Molly, though, it's been different. While initially this was all about having the baby girl of my dreams (the one whom I've been shopping for for 10 years now), what I'm getting in touch with here in Vietnam is that we're also offering this kid an amazing shot at life. I'm more aware of that this round than the first time. We saw what the other alternatives are for her if she didn't get adopted and it's not pretty. Don't get me wrong, the underlying force here is again to be parents but I'm more aware of also doing something good for humanity in this adoption that I didn't feel with Max. Just different. No right or wrong way. Just a different way. Both beautiful children who we love and who loves us. Families come together in so many different ways and this is just the story of how our little family came together.

Molly has thrived since we've had her. I can't believe how much she has grown into herself in the past 10 days. Every day that passes she gets stronger, shows more muscle control, eats more, laughs more and feels more relaxed with us. I think she knows that we are hers and she is ours now. She looks to us for comfort and for getting her needs met. Except she doesn't like taking Amoxicillin which she promptly spits out. (This morning was her medical at the SOS clinic and it turns out she has an ear infection in addition to a nasty case of heat rash on her face.)

Oh dear. It's almost 11:30 p.m. and we've got an early morning tomorrow. We're making the 3 hour drive to Halong Bay where we will step aboard the Emeraude, a 1920 replica of a French paddlewheel boat, for a decadent overnight and cruise. Then back to Hanoi on Sunday. We're going with our new friends who also adopted a baby girl with our group. We've gotten very friendly with them and it's been so nice to have each other as support and touchpoints. No word yet from the embassy. We're hoping for good news on Monday. If we don't get it, we'll have to change our plane ticket return, among other things.

Here are just a few random observations I wanted to make before signing off:

Funniest thing I saw today: the toilet man. Whizzing down the grand leafy boulevard next to my taxi was a man on a motorbike carrying not one, but FIVE brand new toilets. He had four balanced behind him in a tower on the seat and then another one between his legs and the handlebar.

Most curious thing I've observed recently: It's taken several taxi rides to finally figure out why people are driving around with pineapples in their car. Instead of having a cup of coffee or similar beverage in the cup holder between seats, the Vietnamese put small, unbelievably fragrant pineapples. Air freshener, I finally realized. Forget the scented pine cardboard thingies that dangle from American rearview mirrors.

Most amusing menu misspelling today: Instead of lemon meringue pie, the downstairs restaurant was serving Lemon Merring Pie. Better than porched eggs and torst.

We are becoming itchy to leave this polluted city. While it is a colonial French gem with fabulous lakes, great restaurants, a vibrant art scene, good shopping and grand boulevards, the pollution on the streets is becoming a big issue. It's like Bangkok in the 80s and 90s. There are way more motorbikes than cars and all are fueled with a very low grade of fuel. So while petrol might be affordable for the average Vietnamese, the emissions are quickly making Hanio the most polluted city in Asia.

There's a very distinct possibility that we may be able to leave early next week. All we wait for now is approval from the embassy and a visa for Molly. We're getting there, slowly but surely. Our ticket has us set to depart on Tues. night at midnight but I have a feeling we're going to have to change it to a later date. We will be so glad to get home and look forward to the cool waters and cooler temperatures of Fishers Island in August. When we do leave though, we leave with regret for not having seen more of this wonderful country. Sapa, Hue, HCMC, and the Mekong delta are just some of the places we'd like to visit on our next trip here. That and then a dash over the border to Laos to go to Luang Prabang. And maybe, just maybe, back to Cambodia which still tugs at our heart strings.

More later. Next stop: Halong Bay

Brush with Greatness

Before we went out to dinner tonight, we noticed that there was a red carpet flowing through the downstairs lobby of the hotel which Max had to run up and down. When we went outside to get a taxi, the woman who always helps us said we had to go down the street to get a taxi tonight. Usually they pull right up to the hotel entrance. But instead of the entranceway being surrounded by waiting taxis, there were numerous black official cars. Some of the only Mercedes I've seen in Vietnam.

Turns out the President of Vietnam and the President of Laos were in the hotel ballroom for dinner, celebrating several decades of good relations between the two countries. We thought nothing of it, found a taxi and asked him to take us to an Indian restaurant on Tong Don road.

After a quick dinner, we headed back to the hotel. I asked the receptionist if the presidents were still here and she said yes, and that would be coming down in about five to 10 minutes. Tom and Max headed upstairs to our room, not the least bit interested in the political greatness surrounding us. But, with my journalist's instincts piqued, I decided to stick around for a few minutes with Molly even though it's about 50 degrees hotter in the lobby than in our hotel room.

If indeed, the presidents were there, I wanted Molly to be able to see the leaders of her country. Though she may not ever remember it, at least we will have the memory etched in cyberspace for eternity. I quickly befriended one of the security guards who was more than happy, proud even, to tell me who was upstairs and all the other big VIPs who have stayed at the Melia in the past, including, he noted, Fidel Castro.

It was definitely a Lost in Translation moment because I thought he meant Fidel Castro was upstairs in that very moment. Finally we realized that no, he wasn't there but he has been here in the past. You know, a fellow Communist country.

Anyway, he kept me apprised of each and every dignatary who walked by. There were only four other people on star-alert like myself. Most of the other people in the lobby and lounge either didn't know or didn't care. There was no press in sight and not a single photographer on the scene. It was so mellow and low-keyed it was almost as if it were a non-event. Of course, all the newspapers are controlled by the government so I'm sure speeches and press releases were already on the propaganda printing press before the night even ended.

So, as it turns out, walking only several feet in front of where Molly and I were standing - pretending not to be paying attention or the slightest bit interested - we saw the Head of the Communist Party of Vietnam (who ranks higher than the president), the president and vice president of Vietnam, the President of Laos and other dignataries. Some were high ranking generals - you could tell by the lines on their face and the medals on their chest - and then they were followed by their lackies.

I COULD HAVE SHAKEN THE PRESIDENT'S HAND if I wanted to as he shook two or three hands on his way out. He sort of looked up at me out of the corner of his eye but I would have had to make a less than graceful leap onto the red carpet with Molly in my arms and it just didn't really seem that important afterall. Plus, my buddy the security guard might have lost faith in me if I had done such an uncool thing.

As I told Tom after the excitement, it was the most un-American thing I've seen in Vietnam so far. Here were the heads of state and there was hardly any security whatsoever. No secret service, no bodyguards. People have said Vietnam is an exceedingly safe country but I didn't realize how so. And to think the security guards were giving me just the information my inquiring mind wanted to know. Surely, their counterparts in the U.S. would have been way tight-lipped and indifferent.

Also in the lobby tonight we bumped into one of the Irish couples who also adopted a baby girl the same time we did from Thai Nguyen last Wednesday. I've been saying how lucky the Irish are because as soon as they get their babies passports, they can leave and go home. Unlike us Americans who have to wait an extra week or so til the US Embassy processes our paperwork. But I certainly need to amend that now because we are the more fortunate in America. The Irish have been waiting 6 years to adopt their baby. Six years. They have heaps of classes to go to and lots of bureaucratic paperwork just like us but their process takes so much longer. I didn't want to tell them that ours started in earnest in January.

They said as soon as they get back to Dublin, they will put in another application to adopt another baby but this wait will only be three years. Yipes.

What else happened today? It was a free day for us - no adoption stuff to do. Tom took Max to the War Museum where they saw all sorts of things reminding us that indeed the Vietnam War did happen. I say that because just cruising around as happy go lucky tourists, without the occasional historical museum or jail here and there, one might never know there was a war here several decades ago. People are very nice to us - even old folks smile. For as far as they are concerned, the Vietnamese won "the American War" as it's called here. We are so blessed to be naive.

This afternoon, I treated myself to a massage which was about a B- or C if I were to give it a grade. Low marks compared to Barbara Haddaway. But for $23 for an hour here at the hotel, even an okay massage is a good one. Then I got my hair washed for $7.50. The woman doing my hair massaged my head for about 20 minutes while washing my hair and then gave me a head, neck and shoulder massage before blowing my hair dry. It was all too good to be true and you can be sure I will indulge in that ritual again before we leave.

Tonight, when I was putting Max to sleep, we were talking about all sorts of things, mostly airplanes and bridges but then the subject of adoption came up, as per usual with Max, completely out of the blue. First he said it would have been a lot easier if Molly had just flown to Dulles airport like he did rather than all of us traveling to Vietnam to get her. I replied that yes, it would have been easier but then we wouldn't have gotten a taste of her country like we have been since we arrived. I told him I regretted not going to get him in Korea for the same reason but promised to take him there one day if he wanted to go.

"I would just like to meet my birthmother," he told me. I was astonished!!! "I would like for her to see how big I am now. That I'm not a baby anymore." My heart sunk. Everything I've read on adoption these days says not to couch these conversations with "Well, you know the day we adopted you was the best day of my life" or other related sentiments to make the kid feel better. While that may well be true, it puts the focus on me and not on him and his feelings. So I listened and said I understood how he was feeling. I was ready to talk more (as I always am) but then I heard him snoring softly next to me and so I took my cue and just held him.

It's sobering moments like that that catch me off guard. Yes, we have adopted some beautiful children and now we - as parents - are feeling complete because we wouldn't have had a family without them. We are so blessed to have such happy and bright little people in our lives. But there may always be a hole in their hearts, a sense of wondering about identity, possible issues with abandonment, questions about loss and why they were placed for adoption, or in Molly's case, abandoned. When I allow myself to think about what our children have lost - or more precisely - what has been taken from them, my heart cries. There are questions that may never be answered for the rest of their lives and surrendering to that existential mystery is no easy task. I know for a fact because of my own story.

So how do we, as conscientious adoptive parents wanting to do the "right" thing, balance the instinctive need to want to protect our children from any more hurt or pain AND, at the same time, be honest and give them the what little we know about the stories of their lives that they are so entitled to know? There are no easy answers and I am bound to screw up so many times along the way. What comes to me now is that the best things I can do are a) be accountable for when I make mistakes, b) do the best that I can and c) ask for guidance when needed --- always coming from a loving, spacious place in my heart. So big that I can hold my little ones with love at the same time they might be feeling pain. I also try to keep things age appropriate as I've done with Max. He always surprises me, weeks, months later, with a question that takes his story to the next level of depth and understanding. Little bits of information that can be digested over a lifetime, on his cues, rather than living in denial or waiting to have "the talk" on my terms.

Then again, talking about adoption is nothing compared to talking about war and landmines with Max. Since Cambodia, he has been thinking about landmines and has a lot of questions about what they do, how they hurt people and why. And, then after his museum visit with Tom today to the war museum, he wanted to know about why the B-52 planes on exhibit were shot down and what that meant. They are new concepts I can see his bright mind trying to digest. Heavy ones at that. And they are so hard for me to talk about because I am such a peace-nik. My skin isn't nearly thick enough to go to the war museum as it's just a part of history I don't need to know about anymore.

We are Quaker. We are pacifists. Something that has been engrained in both the McCall and Moore families. I remember riding on top of my Dad's shoulders at anti-Vietnam war marches in the late 60s, early 70s. At the time, I just repeated everything my Dad said, being the able bodied parrot that I was. But something rubbed off on me, through osmosis? conscience? heart? Maybe all of the above. But I don't like it when people fight or hurt each other. I don't agree with war in any circumstance so how do I explain to my son the facts as I know them? I've consciously been trying to hide the concepts from him for four years now but we can't escape it. I don't want him to play with toy guns or even use sticks as guns but I know if he is meant to be doing this, he will figure something out. So, I let him do his thing (which thankfully is not about guns yet or hopefully, if we're lucky, ever!) But I do tell him about how Mommy and Daddy don't like guns and how they hurt people. He's smart enough to take that in.

On a lighter note, he suggested renaming his sister this evening. "I think we should call her Gopala Molly Williams Brewster McCall." I couldn't believe he got all the names right! He hasn't given up on Gopala yet and truthfully, neither have we. We call her both Molly and Gopala as well as other terms of endearment.

Scariest thing I saw today: A family going for a ride on the family motorbike - daddy driving with young son (maybe 2? 3?) sitting on his shoulder (!) and momma holding on to husband and kid, with another smooshed in between them. No one wearing helmets. There are way more motorbikes on the roads than cars and buses but this is ridiculous. So much for the family van. So much for car seats, let alone seat belts.

Funniest thing I saw today: a woman, wearing the omnipresent conical hat, bicycling down the road with her bike covered with brown feather dusters for sale. They were hanging out of the basket in front of her, on her lap, coming out of baskets on the sides of her and behind her. In fact, she looked like a brown version of big bird on a bike. Next to her, the cyclist peddling toys and balloons cracks me up. They look like at any moment they might float into the sky.

Tomorrow's nefarious agenda includes allegedly picking up passports at the police station and we are told, one of the seven families will have their medical tomorrow but their name wasn't disclosed this evening which means everyone has to wait by their hotels. Ugh. It's hard to believe that communication here couldn't be a little bit cleaner and clearer.

Sinchow

That's the Vietnamese greeting for hello. So far, Max and I have mastered sinchow and ca' mon (thank you). He keeps reminding me that it's different than Cambodian.

Today was a big day along the journey of our small adoption. We had our first interview with the U.S. Embassy regarding our application to bring Molly home with us. The entire group of us (7 families) from World Child went to the embassy at the same time this afternoon and had our appointments one right after the other.

Diaper bags, babies broken out into heat rash and nervous parents filled the waiting room at the embassy. I did a major bribe to Max who started to exhibit signs of acting up. I promised, pinkie swears, that if he behaved during the interview, I would take him in a taxi again over the Chuong Duong bridge again. (His passion for cars has been replaced with bridges...) He agreed, and true to his word, he honored our pinkie swear. He also was very patient when we went to get visa photos for the babies (again, en masse) and then again when we had a late lunch at Bobby Chinn's - a famous restaurant here in Hanoi.

Bobby Chinn's has the best macaroni and cheese we've ever tasted! I had a fabulous shrimp curry dish with coconut infused sticky rice and Tom had pad thai which, we think is the what has caused the food poisoning that he now has. (Thank you arsenicum - one of the best homeopathic remedies out there for food poisoning.) The atmosphere was fabulous. Red satiny silks draped from the ceilings as well as creamy white rose buds strung together with fishing line. In the back of the restaurant, there's a big opium den-like room where you can enjoy cancer sticks (I kid you not, that's what it says on the menu!) or enjoy fruit flavored tobaccos for $5 a pop in the water pipes in what they call a "Kenny G, Abba and Gypsy Kings-free zone." For those of us staying at the Melia Hotel, that's most amusing b/c I think we've all been brainwashed with Kenny G at breakfast and dinner in the restaurant. They play the same tunes over and over again and it's just awful! I finally asked them to change the music and they did for at least one meal. Tom interviewed the omelet maker this morning who said she hates the music.

Anyway, back to the more important part of the day. I'm not going to write much about the content of the interview or proceedings because I in no way want to jeopardize or jinx our application. Suffice it to say a very nice young woman interviewed us and the interview lasted about 15 to 20 minutes. After the interview, she reminded us of what her colleague said about processing time and added that they have a heavy caseload at the moment - our seven applications PLUS other families who are also adopting. We are all itching to get home and hope that the sooner it gets done, the better. We've all extended our hotel stays and are somewhat anxious about whether or not we need to change our plane tix too. Only time will tell and there's zero we can do about it now.

Prior to the individual family interviews, an officer spoke to us as a group to say that typically, if all goes well, it takes about 4 to 6 business days to get a recommendation from the CIS office in Ho Chi Minh City. That is, if all goes well. He went on to warn us that some cases do take longer to process (if paperwork doesn't match up etc.) and if need be, there are options if we have to stay longer in Hanoi.

If it takes longer, he explained that we could either go back to America and leave the baby with a guardian in Hanoi or possibly one parent goes home and another stays. Everyone's heart did a collective thud, each parent hoping it wouldn't be one of them, each one hoping that are paperwork is without flaws.

Little Miss Molly has grown on us so much already I couldn't imagine leaving her with anyone or leaving Hanoi without her. She's ours and we're hers. That's already been established as tomorrow marks a week of us being together. Tom and I don't even want to go there - to the "what if" place - and we're trying to stay positive though it all feels rather intimidating and way out of our control.

So, we keep our fingers crossed and our prayers sweet that the paperwork gets processed with ease and without a hitch. The good old expression Let Go and Let God comes to mind and I bow to it. Feel free to send positive energy our way! And for all the other families in the group too, some of whom we've gotten quite intimate with in the past week and hope to stay connected with in the future because our girls are crib sisters.

The next step is to pick up Molly's Vietnamese passport on Thursday from the local police station and then perhaps we will have the obligatory medical appointments either Thursday afternoon or Friday morning. Then, when the embassy approval comes, we go to the embassy again to apply for Molly's visa which usually takes a day to process and then we can come home.

Max told me tonight he was ready to come home. He's eager to see our boat? Then he asked me if I was ready to come home too and I said yes. This conversation was held at dinner in the restaurant downstairs, just me and him. Molly went to bed early and Tom is not feeling red hot and is laying in bed. So off we went on a hot date - just Mommy and Max. We had pasta with tomato sauce for the umpteenth time since we've been here. That and fresh Vietnamese spring rolls have been my staple. I've also had pho, which is perhaps the Vietnamese national dish - rice noodles in chicken broth (or beef broth for beef), and then heaps of fresh herbs including cilantro, mint and lemongrass. It's unbelievably fragrant and eaten with chopsticks. We still have yet to really dive into the Vietnamese cuisine because there are so many restaurants offering western food, especially French.

Tomorrow is a day off as far as the adoption paperwork process goes. Tom wants to see Uncle Ho's mausoleum and I want to shop, maybe even get a massage. They're so cheap here! Or maybe my hair washed and massaged, which is I think only about $5. It's still unbelievably hot. Hot like you go outside for a half an hour and come back drenched in sweat, having to change clothes for the second or third time a day. Thank goodness we found a cheaper place to do laundry. $7 a kilo and it's a block from the hotel. The only problem is they have returned some clothes that don't belong to us. And I haven't a clue what is missing from our laundry.

Molly is doing great and each day she blooms a little brighter. She looks to us like we're the center of her compass now and is surprisingly getting stronger by day! She can roll over with effort, is more adept at pulling herself on her arms for tummy time and is getting better control of her head and neck. Poor little thing has broken out into a horrible case of heat rash today. The a/c hasn't bothered her at all but the heat has, ironically. I gave her a bath tonight in calendula and hope that helps. She only seems to fuss when she is ready to go down for her nap and when she is hungry. Which, by the way, she has gone from 2 ounces in a bottle every two hours to chowing down on 5 to 6 ounces in a sitting. She's a happy little girl and has a smile to melt anyone's heart, especially ours.

Though we get 26 channels of satellite TV, only a handful are in English. BBC World News, CNN, HBO and the Disney Channel (Max has a thing for Kim Possible? I don't even know if it's age appropriate and at this point, don't really care.) Then the rest of the channels are in Thai, Japanese, Chinese, French and Vietnamese. Max was watching cartoons in French today and didn't seem to mind. Tom likes watching all the sports on TV from barefoot soccer to the Asian Cup to badminton by foot. He doesn't care. I'm not a big TV person but what I wouldn't do for some Seinfeld episodes right now...

Good Evening Vietnam

It's nearly 10 p.m. and I'm pooped. Both kids are asleep and went down themselves from exhaustion tonight. Still feels weird saying kids. Someone in the elevator told me yesterday that my kids are beautiful and I had to hesitate for a moment. For four years, I've been focused on one kid and it's a bit of a brain exercise to think in the plural now.

Speaking of elevators, the male incarnation of Eloise at the Plaza (a.k.a. Max at the Melia) did a very naughty thing today. While he was on Tom's watch, he escaped from our room and decided to ride the elevator by himself to the 3rd floor and back. The good news is he came right back and didn't get off on the third floor (where the outdoor pool is among other things) or go anywhere else. He loves to push elevator buttons and if he doesn't become an engineer, he may get a job as an elevator dude though he hates wearing hats.

I'm not entirely clear yet on the story and am even less clear on how Tom managed the situation but I do know that when I came back to the room, the first thing Max volunteered to me was that he had done a very terrible thing. He told me what he did and frankly, my first reaction was to laugh as it was all in the past tense and nothing bad happened. But I restrained myself and told him not to ever do it again. We've now taken to bolting the door closed but it's a matter of time before he figures that out too.

We took Molly for her first swim today. She was very brave and thankfully the water is warmer than Betty's pool. She didn't cry or scream and just seemed to take it all in. After 15 minutes, she was even kicking her feet a wee bit. We fall deeper in love with her every day and are charmed by her big smiles and giggles.

The Vietnamese are very kid friendly and love to touch and hold babies. There doesn't seem to be any negativity whatsoever about us foreigners adopting their babies. The doctor at the SOS clinic told me that he thinks that so long as everything is above board and clean, the Vietnamese people are glad the babies are being taken care of and given new opportunities.

We signed up for an overnight cruise on Halong Bay for Saturday night, figuring that there isn't any paperwork we will need to do in Hanoi over the weekend. We are very excited to get out of the city for a wee bit and I'm hoping that it's a little cooler there. If you're interested in where we are going, check out emeraude-cruises.com.

Tomorrow is our first interview with the U.S. Embassy. I pray all of our paperwork is approved and in excellent order. Please wish us luck because we need it. With any luck, we'll be heading home sometime next week - probably in the middle of the week. While it's tempting to explore some of Vietnam - like going to Sapa, Hue and HCMC - we both realize it's time to come home. Traveling in the equatorial heat with a four year old and a 4 month old is not heaps of fun. And I know we will come back to this area again some day to show Molly her native country, as we hope to do with Max and Korea. Though I'm kind of nervous about people not being nice to him after the indifference we encountered in Cambodia.

The highlight of my day today was buying a bunch of fresh lotuses. The woman, sporting the stereotypical conical hat, was going to charge me 500 dong (just over a quarter!!!!!) but I didn't have any dong so I gave her a dollar and she was beside herself.

Outside, the streets of Hanoi are busy and noisy with lots of cheering and shouting going on. Apparently, Vietnam won another game today in the Asia Cup so there's call for lots of celebration. At first, I thought perhaps there was revolution going on but we hardly have to worry about that anymore.

Magicians, dim sum and bridges

Today was a relatively quiet day. Sunday in Hanoi looks like no different than any other day to the tourist's eye except that most of the big hotels offer fabulous Sunday brunch deals.

Taking our cue from the Hanoi Guide (our bible) - written by the International Women's Club of Hanoi - we went to the Hanoi Horrison Hotel for brunch. The motivating factor was it is said to be one of the most kid friendly joints in town. And kid friendly it was.

Kids have their own buffet to eat at where they can choose from french fries, fish sticks (sort of), chicken drumsticks (wings with the meat pushed up), "hot dogs" which looked suspiciously like keilbasa to me and little sandwiches. In addition. the hotel restuarant has a magician perform at noon and a large room in the restaurant taped off just for kids and hotel provided babysitters. There was even a king sized bed for kids to jump on! Brilliant! What a great idea for our next birthday party.

Despite the Lion King playing on the video screen and the magicians balancing plastic tubs on their noses, Max opted for the video game on TV of a car racing scene. He pretty much sat glued to that the entire time, only giving up his seat to someone who had been patiently waiting next to him for some time. Max hung out with peers from all over the world, the first time in two weeks that he has been with people his own size. It's definitely the expat hang-out for folks with kids.

Meanwhile, Tom and I enjoyed the sumptuous buffet. My favorite dish these days is dim sum. We usually have it for breakfast everyday and I'm going to miss it when we head back. There was also this amazing Vietnamese salad that I would like to try to recreate: sliced cucumbers, onions, mango, pineapple, cilantro, sesame seeds and rice vinegar. It was so refreshing, especially in this dreadful heat.

Poor Little Peanut burst out into a heat rash today from being outside for less than an hour. She's never been exposed to a/c in her life til now and I think, unlike some of the other kids, she's adapted quite well.

After brunch, Tom and L.P. went back to the hotel for a nap - or so he hoped. Max and I went on an adventure to have some Mommy and Max time. No doubt our mission was the highlight of his entire trip: for all of 100,000 dong, we took a taxi cab through the city and across the Chuong Duong Bridge. The bridge, which traverses the mighty Red River, is one of two that we can see from the 19th floor of our hotel room. Its mere presence taunts Max daily. (That and the neighboring Long Bien Bridge which runs parallel to the Chuong Duong but doesn't take cars. Only pedestrians and motorbikes.) Max, who is sure to become an engineer one day, was in seventh heaven, jumping up and down in the taxi's backseat. His reaction was worth every penny of the $6 we spent.

The big news in the McCall household is that we have finally, yes, finally, decided on a name for our little princess. We are proud to introduce Molly Williams Brewster McCall. What do you think Annie? It's been a tough decision mostly because Max has been quite vociferous about Gopala. But after just recently seeing the movie "The Namesake," we just didn't have the heart to bestow a beautiful yet unusual name on our daughter. Molly was Tom's #1 choice, Williams is Joanie's maiden name and Brewster is a family name on the Moore side. So there you have it. It only took five days and then some.

Molly suits her just perfectly. She has been taking more and more formula every day which is encouraging. Still a great sleeper. She got up at 3:30 a.m., had a bottle and went back to sleep til 7:30. She's a gentle little lamb and she grows on our hearts more and more every day. From the moment we first met her, she has been a great gumless smiler but tonight, she was even giggling out loud. I thought that was quite something from a four month old. She loves tummy time and plays with one of two toys I brought for her. I don't think she's had this much stimulation her entire life.

Not to mention her big brother who still adores her. He swears she said his name yesterday but all Tom and I have heard so far is "ahhh, booo." Max is being a great sport though every now and then he's starting to push the boundaries. Nothing directed at his sister, more towards Tom and I, like when I ask him to lower his voice or be quiet when we're trying to put the baby to sleep. He automatically raises it to see what he can get away with. He hasn't had to bow to anyone in four years so why start now?

It's only 9 p.m. and we're pooped. Kimberly, congratulations on Benedict. What a great name and I'm so happy everything went well for your beautiful family. I've got a sweet girlfriend for him to play with when he's ready... Hugs to everyone. Thanks so much for your notes, blessings, advice and goodwill. We really appreciate it and hope to be home soon.

It's Saturday Night

Checking in with a brief (yes brief) update. Not much to report today. Tonight was the first night I left the hotel in two days! Our little princess is feeling out of sorts and absolutely does not want to be put down. Sort of like enforced bonding. I just wish I knew what exactly was bugging her so that we could fix it and make it better.

But hey, considering what she's gone through already in her short life, holding her is the least we can do as her new and forever parents. I think she was constipated this morning and just in so much pain. But I don't know. I'm not really a doctor and she can't talk so it's sort of hard to tell. What I do know is we can offer her comfort in this adjustment period. Not only does she have the upper resp. infection and ear problems, she's going through a huge change and I think she's really grieving which is something Max didn't do. She's a sensitive little one, somewhat frail and very vulnerable - sort of like a baby kitten. And she's really growing on all of us. We even have a name for her, almost. I have to confirm with Tom first though before announcing it to the world.

We had hoped to go to Halong Bay for the weekend as we don't have to be anywhere til Tuesday but three out of four on our team are feeling out of sorts. Max has had tummy cramps and diarrhea for two days and I seem to have joined him in the pain. I think Tom was frustrated with the lot of us but ultimately understands that this is mission for baby, not a travel adventure.

I've tried to put a new spin on hotel life as we wait for paperwork to be processed. This two-week (possibly more) time period is a great opportunity for our little family to bond and cocoon without the distractions of everyday life. Also, as an at-home-mom, how can I possibly complain about not having to cook dinner, go grocery shopping, do laundry, make the bed, change sheets and scrub toilets every day? Though the towels have an omnipresent mildew smell, it's going to be a rough re-immersion back into reality. I am grateful for the support we have here and this gentle time to reconfigure the balance of our family.

I have to say being here at the Melia with other families in the same shoes has been wonderful. We've established a little pod with some of the baby's crib sisters and their parents and it's been great to share the journey and fellowship with them. We share at least one meal together a day, if not more, and share heaps of tips on where to find a cheap laundromat, ginger ale and baby formula. We're forever bonded through the tears and sweat of that intensely emotional and hot day when we drove to Thai Nguyen to get our babies. Though it was four days ago, it seems like it's been weeks.

We genuinely care about each other's babies and are rooting for all of them to get healthy and thrive. It's a natural, unforced and unplanned bonding and I'm grateful we are at this hotel where there seems to be a parade of adoptive parents cruising around with their babies strapped on their chest in Baby Bjorns. Some are just arriving, others who have been here for weeks are relieved to finally be going home and then there are those of us who are midway through the process. Our collective presence is a comfort to each other.

See - I can be brief.

Pushing pause

Just a short update to check in.

We're in pause mode, again, til Tuesday afternoon. We're supposed to have our first interview with the U.S. Embassy then at 1:30. And it's Friday. So we officially have several days off. Not sure why we couldn't get it sooner - like today would have been a very efficient use of time but whatever.

There's talk of a possible trip up to Halong Bay which we would love to see. It's one of the seven wonders of the world and looks just so beautiful in photos - enormous limestone formations rising up out of emerald green waters. One is even said to resemble Charles de Gaulle's nose! We may do a day trip, an overnight on a boat or a night or two in a hotel, depending on how things reveal themselves. I'm hoping it's cooler along the coast than it is here in the city.

I'd like to wait a day to see how the baby is feeling. She seems to be on the mend but still feeling out of sorts with the upper respiratory tract infection. We're still getting to know each other and acclimate to each other's rhythm's. She is by and large a peaceful and gentle soul, blessing us with another full night's sleep again last night!! For the most part, she eats, naps and has a little playtime in between. She's teaching us her schedule quickly and as all parents know, little ones don't like breaking the predicatability of their routines.

I keep watching to see if Max's enthusiasm will shift and so far, he remains excited, interested and protective. Today he read her Caps for Sale and Ping. He got a little upset when she wouldn't look at the pictures but I explained to him that she likes hearing the story and his voice.

The big news in her life is that she took her first poop today! She hadn't pooped once since she landed in our arms two days ago so that was a relief. Talk of BM's may sound rather trivial dear reader but amongst us parents, it's a big deal. Word has it these babies tend to get constipated so happy bowels are a good thing.

Annie, I wish you were here with us! You could add some life to this rather "Lost in Translation" chapter of our lives. However, I have had so much fun meeting people from all over the world - without ever leaving our hotel. Last night, I had a wonderful conversation with a political science professor who teaches in Canada. We had a fascinating conversation about the recent history of the Indochina peninsula, noting that the Vietnam War (or The American War, as it is referred to here) could have been avoided after World War II. According to this guy, our alliance with the French prevented us from connecting with the Vietnamese at their invitation. Apparently they wanted to emulate our governmental system and had far more interest in that then following the Communist regime. Interesting food for thought.

This morning, dining next to our breakfast table, was a spunky Chinese couple who lives in Queensland, Australia. They sell souvenirs of kangaroos etc. (all made in China of course) and are on holiday. They had zillions of questions about the baby and our adoption and both insisted on holding her so we could eat. My Sagittarian spirit loves being reminded that there are more people in the world than just us sheltered Americans who so easily get myopic in view of the rest of the world. Sometimes I think we think we are the only people on the planet. But we're not. There are people everywhere - millions and millions of them, doing things everyday that aren't that unlike what we do.

Yesterday, for example, I went to get some baby supplies. I forgot wipes and needed to get some formula (same stuff she was drinking in the orphanage so as not to introduce too much change at once.) Taking the recommendation from the authors of luc and maisie's blog, I headed out to the Vinaconax super market. It's on the fourth floor of an indoor mall and has everything. Looking for cheap souvenirs? Tea? Coffee? Tweezers? They had just about everything except ginger ale, which is what I miss most here in Hanoi. Even Cambodia had it.

So, anyway, this indoor mall just blew me away. Here we are in Hanoi with four floors of indoor mall (a lovely respite from the heat) and guess what the people were doing? The same thing they do when they are perambulating around the Annapolis Mall. Shopping, chatting, wandering. Buying lots of electronic goods and cheap clothing. I thought I'd see a Gap and Starbuck's at any moment around the corner, but I didn't. Not yet. And they say this is a Communist country. It's hard, on most days, to see how or where.